Fear of death behind drinking and smoking addicition
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Down under
Posts: 84
Fear of death behind drinking and smoking addicition
For years now, I have tried to give up.
Last night, a friend poured her heart out to me about the experience that she went through when discovering her father dead - two weeks after he had given up drinking and smoking. She gave me the graphic details and I won't repeat them here.
I was calm and supportive towards my friend but went home and drank/smoked big time. I saw my daughter in (forecast some years into the future) in the same position as my friend, finding me dead. I have a huge fear of death. I haven't seen a doctor in years because I know that I have done damage to my body. Last night, the penny dropped: I have been living in denial - just like my friend's dad.
About two months ago, I saw a drug and alcohol counsellor for one session but was frightened off, because he told me that I needed to see a doctor to find out if I was dying because he has seen too many people die. That didn't exactly leave me feeling full of hope - so I didn't return.
I am afraid. I am so afraid that I return to the drinking and smoking. Something has to change. I don't want my beautiful daughter going through the same trauma as my friend.
But every time that I sober up and quit smoking, I feel depressed. I have no energy and can't get out of bed. I realize that it will pass and I'm determined on any given day to be healthy - but somehow I get to 3, 4, or 5pm and start the whole cycle again.
I need support to give up. I have tried AA but that is another story.
Maybe I'm just getting my story out. Maybe I'm seeking support.
I don't want to die and leave my daughter behind.
Last night, a friend poured her heart out to me about the experience that she went through when discovering her father dead - two weeks after he had given up drinking and smoking. She gave me the graphic details and I won't repeat them here.
I was calm and supportive towards my friend but went home and drank/smoked big time. I saw my daughter in (forecast some years into the future) in the same position as my friend, finding me dead. I have a huge fear of death. I haven't seen a doctor in years because I know that I have done damage to my body. Last night, the penny dropped: I have been living in denial - just like my friend's dad.
About two months ago, I saw a drug and alcohol counsellor for one session but was frightened off, because he told me that I needed to see a doctor to find out if I was dying because he has seen too many people die. That didn't exactly leave me feeling full of hope - so I didn't return.
I am afraid. I am so afraid that I return to the drinking and smoking. Something has to change. I don't want my beautiful daughter going through the same trauma as my friend.
But every time that I sober up and quit smoking, I feel depressed. I have no energy and can't get out of bed. I realize that it will pass and I'm determined on any given day to be healthy - but somehow I get to 3, 4, or 5pm and start the whole cycle again.
I need support to give up. I have tried AA but that is another story.
Maybe I'm just getting my story out. Maybe I'm seeking support.
I don't want to die and leave my daughter behind.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Only our addiction would take something we fear (death and sickness) and use it to engage in the exact activity (drinking) that will cause what we fear. The insanity of alcoholism.
You've been doing it "your" way for years and failing. Time to do whatever you need to do to quit. Seek whatever support you need, the help you need. Whatever lengths.
Good luck.
You've been doing it "your" way for years and failing. Time to do whatever you need to do to quit. Seek whatever support you need, the help you need. Whatever lengths.
Good luck.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
In my opinion we all must come to a realization/acceptance at some point that we cannot drink/use/smoke ever again. Some of us get that from a health scare, some find it through a particular recovery plan, some find it through prayer, and there are a multitude of other ways i didn't list. Perhaps this is your moment? It's important to remember that ANYONE can quit -including you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
It's not uncommon to have a fear of death/dying.
Even though, we all KNOW for sure we will die, we don't want to think about it. Can you try to focus on living each day to its fullest? It might be a good idea to talk to a therapist who is more suited to your needs.
Even though, we all KNOW for sure we will die, we don't want to think about it. Can you try to focus on living each day to its fullest? It might be a good idea to talk to a therapist who is more suited to your needs.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
f it's OK with you, I'll just respond to your comments about smoking at this point. I have tried to give up a lot of times before but I'm making a real effort with it again now. A couple of weeks in, using patches, I don't feel depressed at all. In fact, I'm extremely amazed at how quickly my body has adjusted: no coughing or feeling like vomiting in the morning, for example. I'm not surprised you say feel depressed when you first quite smoking but it doesn't last for long, especially if you use a nicotine replacement substitute and get support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Down under
Posts: 84
Scott from WI, I think this is my moment. I need to hold on to it and I guess that's why I posted on here. For years, I have been waiting for the `moment' that shoved me into recovery. I am crossing my fingers and hoping that this is it. Motivation is precious when addiction looms deep. I recognize that I need support now that I've identified that moment. That's why I'm here, and I really appreciate the support from all of you so far. 
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by CommunityDawn 
For years now, I have tried to give up.
Last night, a friend poured her heart out to me about the experience that she went through when discovering her father dead - two weeks after he had given up drinking and smoking. She gave me the graphic details and I won't repeat them here.
I was calm and supportive towards my friend but went home and drank/smoked big time. I saw my daughter in (forecast some years into the future) in the same position as my friend, finding me dead. I have a huge fear of death. I haven't seen a doctor in years because I know that I have done damage to my body. Last night, the penny dropped: I have been living in denial - just like my friend's dad.
About two months ago, I saw a drug and alcohol counsellor for one session but was frightened off, because he told me that I needed to see a doctor to find out if I was dying because he has seen too many people die. That didn't exactly leave me feeling full of hope - so I didn't return.
I am afraid. I am so afraid that I return to the drinking and smoking. Something has to change. I don't want my beautiful daughter going through the same trauma as my friend.
But every time that I sober up and quit smoking, I feel depressed. I have no energy and can't get out of bed. I realize that it will pass and I'm determined on any given day to be healthy - but somehow I get to 3, 4, or 5pm and start the whole cycle again.
I need support to give up. I have tried AA but that is another story.
Maybe I'm just getting my story out. Maybe I'm seeking support.
I don't want to die and leave my daughter behind.
Last night, a friend poured her heart out to me about the experience that she went through when discovering her father dead - two weeks after he had given up drinking and smoking. She gave me the graphic details and I won't repeat them here.
I was calm and supportive towards my friend but went home and drank/smoked big time. I saw my daughter in (forecast some years into the future) in the same position as my friend, finding me dead. I have a huge fear of death. I haven't seen a doctor in years because I know that I have done damage to my body. Last night, the penny dropped: I have been living in denial - just like my friend's dad.
About two months ago, I saw a drug and alcohol counsellor for one session but was frightened off, because he told me that I needed to see a doctor to find out if I was dying because he has seen too many people die. That didn't exactly leave me feeling full of hope - so I didn't return.
I am afraid. I am so afraid that I return to the drinking and smoking. Something has to change. I don't want my beautiful daughter going through the same trauma as my friend.
But every time that I sober up and quit smoking, I feel depressed. I have no energy and can't get out of bed. I realize that it will pass and I'm determined on any given day to be healthy - but somehow I get to 3, 4, or 5pm and start the whole cycle again.
I need support to give up. I have tried AA but that is another story.
Maybe I'm just getting my story out. Maybe I'm seeking support.
I don't want to die and leave my daughter behind.
Hi, it is not easy but I think you have the ultimate motivational tool to help you through this- your daughter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Down under
Posts: 84
Stoogy, you are 100% right. My daughter motivates me. I could never desert her due to choices that I made. She is incredibly loving, gifted, and is so attached to me. I choose to be there for as long as I can be. It's my daughter. I won't give up because she's so special and I love her so much.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
In my experience, the AV will use the fear of death as an excuse to drink/smoke, it's only an excuse as all reasons to drink or use are! The AV, the voice of addiction is very tricky! alcoholism is cunning, baffling!
love from Lenina
love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: S.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 341
Hi Dawn,
We and many others, have two deadly
addictions that will eventually kill us.
I have found that I can only take on
one at a time. To take on both at the
same time, is overwhelming. Some
can do it, I cannot.
We and many others, have two deadly
addictions that will eventually kill us.
I have found that I can only take on
one at a time. To take on both at the
same time, is overwhelming. Some
can do it, I cannot.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: S.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 341
I must also mention Dawn,
I was smoking up to 3 packs
a day. Since I have quit drinking,
I am down to a pack and a half.
Still smoking like a chimney,
but I'll work on that when I
feel like I am ready. For many,
smoking and drinking go hand
in hand.
I was smoking up to 3 packs
a day. Since I have quit drinking,
I am down to a pack and a half.
Still smoking like a chimney,
but I'll work on that when I
feel like I am ready. For many,
smoking and drinking go hand
in hand.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
I'm glad to see you back CD
Getting sober *is* scary... but not as scary as not getting sober.
look around at the many hundreds of us who felt that fear and did it anyway cos they wanted something better....
You can too
D
Getting sober *is* scary... but not as scary as not getting sober.
look around at the many hundreds of us who felt that fear and did it anyway cos they wanted something better....
You can too
D
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