Boyfriend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5
Boyfriend
I am a women in my late 40's. I am in love with my boyfriend. He has a drinking problem. Drinks daily. Starts with beer. Can drink 6-10, then he will switch over to Vodka and cranberry juice calling it his night cap. He may drink one or more. BIG glasses. He is a happy drunk, but does get loud and slurs his speech. Sometimes its embarrassing, especially around my family. I can see going out on the weekend and occasionally over doing it. But not daily. He goes to work, takes care of his home, etc. And he is great to me.
I also do not want to have sex with him when he is so drunk. His drinking seems to make him want it more. But is a real turn off for me. Last weekend we were visiting with friends sitting in the yard and he drank a lot. When we got up, early, the next morning I swear he was still drunk. He reeked of alcohol. And of course just kept on talking about sex.
How do I talk to him about this. Any advice will help.
I also do not want to have sex with him when he is so drunk. His drinking seems to make him want it more. But is a real turn off for me. Last weekend we were visiting with friends sitting in the yard and he drank a lot. When we got up, early, the next morning I swear he was still drunk. He reeked of alcohol. And of course just kept on talking about sex.
How do I talk to him about this. Any advice will help.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and your needs. I too would suggest AlAnon for support for yourself. We also have friends and family forums here which might offer more insight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Problem with dealing with this is he must want to change himself, I was an adult child of an alcoholic parent at one stage and there is nothing a family member can do, no amount of advice or talking to in order to get someone to change unless THEY want to do it themselves.
The only thing friends and family can do is seek support for themselves as they live through it, as already mentioned Al-Anon is a great source.
The only thing friends and family can do is seek support for themselves as they live through it, as already mentioned Al-Anon is a great source.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by Gardenia123 
I am a women in my late 40's. I am in love with my boyfriend. He has a drinking problem. Drinks daily. Starts with beer. Can drink 6-10, then he will switch over to Vodka and cranberry juice calling it his night cap. He may drink one or more. BIG glasses. He is a happy drunk, but does get loud and slurs his speech. Sometimes its embarrassing, especially around my family. I can see going out on the weekend and occasionally over doing it. But not daily. He goes to work, takes care of his home, etc. And he is great to me.
I also do not want to have sex with him when he is so drunk. His drinking seems to make him want it more. But is a real turn off for me. Last weekend we were visiting with friends sitting in the yard and he drank a lot. When we got up, early, the next morning I swear he was still drunk. He reeked of alcohol. And of course just kept on talking about sex.
How do I talk to him about this. Any advice will help.
I also do not want to have sex with him when he is so drunk. His drinking seems to make him want it more. But is a real turn off for me. Last weekend we were visiting with friends sitting in the yard and he drank a lot. When we got up, early, the next morning I swear he was still drunk. He reeked of alcohol. And of course just kept on talking about sex.
How do I talk to him about this. Any advice will help.
Sorry Gardenia, I thought you were talking about me for a minute.
Ask him if he thinks he has a drinking problem. Tell him you are concerned. Tell him you do not find it attractive at all. My wife used to yell at me in the morning. "You stink of alcohol!" - along with other times. If you think it is going to affect your relationship then you need to do something. Just keeping it inside you can only exacerbate the situation.
Wish you luck and courage.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 76
You and my wife have a lot in common. I did the same things to her. She did flat out tell me that sex was out of the question if I had been drinking, which did kind of help me realize how it affected her.
She never nagged me to stop drinking but was extremely encouraging when I decided to stop. If she had nagged me about it I think I would have been resentful. She also never put up with my BS. Would call me out on missing responsibilities, would sleep upstairs when I was extra tight, would take my keys, etc. Never really in a mean way, just a caring way.
One other thing that is a little personal but on topic- for me, drinking did something to my sex drive. It actually increased my drive slowly over time. When I was actively drinking I wanted it ALL the time (regardless of if I was actually drunk at the time or not). That lead to me talking about it all the time, "testing the waters" with comments, basically being a pig about sex 24/7. When active in my addiction, sex was kind of like a drink- no matter how much I got it was never enough. That is not my real baseline. I wouldn't be surprised if that happens to other people also.
She never nagged me to stop drinking but was extremely encouraging when I decided to stop. If she had nagged me about it I think I would have been resentful. She also never put up with my BS. Would call me out on missing responsibilities, would sleep upstairs when I was extra tight, would take my keys, etc. Never really in a mean way, just a caring way.
One other thing that is a little personal but on topic- for me, drinking did something to my sex drive. It actually increased my drive slowly over time. When I was actively drinking I wanted it ALL the time (regardless of if I was actually drunk at the time or not). That lead to me talking about it all the time, "testing the waters" with comments, basically being a pig about sex 24/7. When active in my addiction, sex was kind of like a drink- no matter how much I got it was never enough. That is not my real baseline. I wouldn't be surprised if that happens to other people also.
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