Alphabet

I'm not proud or happy about this by any means., but here it is.

Not only did I cancel on my mom today, but I got so drunk yesterday that I woke up with bruises today. On my future husbands birthday. Needless to say, he was heartbroken.

I just left the hospital and I was glad to hear that they weren't concerned about my liver, nor about me passing in the night.

Background about this relapse: I've been having a hard time lately thinking of a future for my sister, whom has brain damage and I just don't know where she's going to live. My fiancé and I have money, but I'm not at all emotionally capable of giving up my life to take care of someone 24/7. It probably doesn't help that I just got home from a lovely vacation to come home to this. My father is elderly and my mother is severely mentally ill, so I'm at a loss.

I'm starting a program this week, at nights after work.

I just wanted to pop in and say hi, even though it wasn't with the best news. I've missed SR.

Alphabet

It DID help that I came home to a couple of dogs that have never been more excited to see me

360shoes

Hi Alphabet,
Sorry to hear about the troubles. But, just look forward. Let the past be just something to reference. Don't live in it. Glad you don't have a lot of physical problems to recover from.

I can kind of relate. I had family members with problems too and I was in no way capable of caring for them myself. I barely could take care of me back then. I drank to handle a lot of it. That wasn't working. I don't suggest it.

A social worker helped me tremendously when she told me my job was to get my parents the care they needed. Not provide it all by myself. So I did. I took on helping find what they needed. Try to remember that. Reach out to sources that can help you find the care they deserve but do not feel guilty you can't do it yourself. Few people can.

Anyway, that was the beginning of me quitting drinking. A bad and hard situation but it turned into me finally getting sober. That was over a year ago.

Don't give up. You can do it.

Hevyn

Glad to see you Alphabet. I hope it helps to be able to talk things over here.

Dee74

Welcome back Alphabet

Sounds like you need a lot of support right now so I'm glad you're back. I don't know what the answer is with your sister but I do know the answers not in a bottle....we both know that.

Prayers and best wishes for you to find a solution you all can live with
Spot on, Shoes.
D

Alphabet

Thank you all

I know she needs to go to a group home. That breaks my heart, but I don't see another option. I don't think we can afford to hire someone to take care if her at home, and we certainly can't afford an apartment for her.

Drinking is making it worse, absolutely. It was a temporary solution that then became an annoyance and then became a problem.

Again, thank you.

Huntingjman73

Hang in there.....God is in control......I pray he comforts your family and especially you and your sister.

Hawkeye13

I can understand the stress of coming home to a tough decision like this.

Pick yourself up, take those doggie-friends for a good long walk, and gently think it through.

Alphabet

The drinking started becoming a problem after her car accident. It was the worst phone call I've ever received in my life.

I think about that night FAR too much.

MariahGayle

Glad you are here Alphabet - Taking care of you is a good start

Alphabet

I think I just need food and rest. I haven't really eaten or slept in a couple of days.

I also worry about my father. He gave up his life to care for her. I feel selfish for not being able to do the same. Am I cruel?

I also just talked to my fiancé. He's had a bad night at work but was happy that "I'm back". The woman at the hospital called him mid-shift and then told me I needed more support in my life. True enough, but I've never met a more supportive, loving man in my life.

Thank you for letting me vent

EndGameNYC

I recall reading your previous comments about you and your sister, but I don't remember all of it.

I'm wondering whether or not you feel responsible for your sister's condition, or about how she'll be cared for in the future. If you do feel responsible, I won't try to talk you out of it since such a thing is not possible.

It sounds as though you're concerned about getting her the best possible care available. The way things are, you're not able to provide that, and that is not your fault.

You may be feeling under attack by your own thoughts about all this, and though it's only natural for you to turn to alcohol to quiet all the critical noise, you also know that this is not a solution. You need a sober mind to get through this.

It's important that you treat yourself with the same tender, loving care that you would want for your sister.

dessy

I had similar issues with my brother and got him in a house with 2 othere guys and 24 hr carers. This has worked wonders and he loves it. Dont know if u have that were u live im in australia

Dee74

I might have a different view on caregivers than most.

I lead an independent life, but I get some help from caregivers too.

Caregiving is more than a job - it's a vocation. It's a calling, I think.

I'm generally very good as a patient () but I hear stories... it's not an easy job.

If you don't have that vocation it doesn't mean you're cruel at all, alphabet

D

Alphabet

Thank you.

I don't feel responsible. I wasn't there that night and substances weren't even involved. Bad weather and a cavalier attitude with a teenager behind the wheel was the culprit.

I WAS made to feel bad. My dad gave me up for adoption not long before, and that night called me and said "if you ever cared about this family, you'll be here". I cried my heart out, and to think of it, was told to suck it up then, too. She woke up from the coma two months later. My friend was the EMT that responded. They assumed she would be DOA.

I know it's not my fault. I'm still heartbroken that it happened, and truthfully, I don't think I'll ever be not heartbroken about this.

She didn't deserve this.

Alphabet

Dear god, I could use a hug right now

Coldfusion

I was reading through the thread and thinking about what to post, then read your last reply--here's a hug!

Alphabet

I'm also now VERY afraid that my relationship with my fiancé won't work. He drinks, he promises to not bring it home anymore but I've found bottles when he promised the same thing in the past. He gets mad at me for drinking and invites me out for drinks moments later. His mother is the same way.

Alphabet

I'm just exhausted. I know it's my own fault, but I'd love to trust my partner in this department (as I trust him in all others).

He's an amazing man and truly thinks of me as his queen. Except in this regard.

Sorry, I've got a lot going on I guess!

Lenina

((((alphabet)))). I hope you can get some outside support. Do you have access to therapy or counseling? You've had a heavy load laid on you. A,professional in Life Transitions counseling could be very helpful for you, to figure out how to proceed and heal. Getting a grip on the addiction needs to be first, I'm afraid.

Love from Lenina