Admitting my family is sick

Old 05-11-2014, 05:37 AM
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Admitting my family is sick

Long story short....I walked into Al Anon over 4 yrs ago because my ex was (and I am sure still is) a sick narcissistic abusive addict.
When I got to Al Anon, I was so self righteous and believed I came from THE perfect family.
It took me one solid year in Al Anon to finally leave the ex and then another year to admit my family was sick and that my Mom was mentally ill and that my sisters were/are abusive.
I was never abused by my parents, I had everything I needed, I grew up in some wealth, was loved but was never emotionally nurtured. I was blamed for everything so my self worth was ZERO!!
(ex; Someone hit my car and took off and my mom would say 'well you should not have parked in that parking lot")
My parents and sisters are into the blame game...as was I for years until I healed. Looking back to see how I was with my ex's.....I cringe to think how overpowering I was towards them.

I was the black-sheep (and still am) and my family didn't know how to deal with that, so they put me down ALL the time. I cut my sisters out of my life close to 2 yrs ago after yet another dysfunctional family xmas. I had enough awareness at this point to see reality and finally had the courage to walk away.
My Dad and I were the only ones who ever went to therapy. I had been in therapy on and off for years and then Al Anon to work on unraveling my pain and life. It also took me years to discover my own shortcomings and work on them.
When you work on yourself, you can see the destruction in others.

I confronted my parents on many things from the past, not to blame them in any way, but I really needed to confront my own demons from my past in order to get healthy. Their denial at first was huge, but then they slowly came around and could see. They are over 80 yrs old now so it's hard for them to heal from this so I don't bring up much anymore.

I feel like an orphan really because I no longer connect to my family in any way. I love them, but can't deal with their wreckage anymore. I did attend a family function a month ago and to see their dysfunctional dynamic (the same dynamic I was caught in only 2 short years ago) made me realize how far I've come and also made me see why I chose certain people (relationships) in my life.

I don't blame because they did what they learned and I know they all truly love me, but I am breaking that cycle and I no longer allow abuse, no longer date or deal with addicts and I have come to the most peace I've ever felt in my life.

I've stayed single on purpose for over 2 yrs as well. My last ex who was really unstable actually apologized to me. That was really healing as well.
I don't regret any of this pain or realization and would not take back any of it because from this, I became a therapist and work with other codies and also addicts as well as many others on their journey :-)

The truth is ugly and hurts, but it's the only door to true peace


Needed to share today..thanks for listening....
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Old 05-11-2014, 06:04 AM
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It is so nice to see someone come full circle. I went into therapy in my twenties to face my FOO issues. Therapy helped me realize how dysfunctional my family was and that was very validating, however, it is taken me until now (in my forties) to admit and understand that those dynamics affected how I react to the world in many unhealthy ways. (too much people pleasing, trying to control every situation, trying to get my needs fulfilled by overdoing things for other people and then feeling resentful. Drinking away my resentment and then stuffing my feelings, etc.)

As painful as it is, the only way to grow is to face the pain. Thank you for your post!
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Old 05-11-2014, 06:22 AM
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Thanks for your share....makes me feel less alone and happy you have healed and are healing ... ;-)
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