My son has Autism
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 80
My son has Autism
Hello again. I've kind of been lurking for the past year or so, but haven't posted in quite some time. I was hoping to get some insight from someone, even though I'm in a situation that is not completely addiction-related. So many people here have given me comforting words that I have used to alter my life and change who I am, and I have usually found such great wisdom here.
It has been a busy past few months for me. I became pregnant in October--a wonderful surprise that my husband and I did not plan. She is due in July and will be our third, after two boys. I finished school a couple of weeks ago and will finally receive my teaching degree... Also, my older son, 3 1/2, was diagnosed with a mild form of Autism three days ago. It has been an emotional process. We started having him screened last September for speech and language concerns, which is what brought us to this point. I felt sick when the word Autism was even mentioned. I think it was because I knew something was "up." It has not been easy, but I know the diagnosis doesn't change who he is, and I hope that only positive things will come of it. I love my little guy, and we are very lucky that he has so many of the foundational skills that some children with Autism don't, that he shows affection and happiness all the time, that he doesn't really act out and throw long tantrums much more than a neurotypical three year-old, and that he can communicate with his words, even if his conversational skills are behind for his age.
My dilemma is that I haven't told my family. One close friend of mine knows that he was being evaluated for Autism, but my husband and I haven't told anyone the result. Back in November when we went to visit our families in VA, I mentioned to my family that we were having him screened for his speech and language, and I think it bothered them. My mom and grandmother kept telling me that all kids are different, that he is fine, that it was unnecessary, etc. It's weird having a family full of addicts and enablers that can overlook and deny all the things that really matter, but feel so threatened when my child might not be as "smart" as other kids. I kind of just stopped talking about it after that. I rarely see my family and talk to my mom on the phone maybe once every three weeks. Initially my grandmother wanted to know what came of the screening, but I kind of blew her off and said things like, "I'm not sure what they'll even tell us" and "I'm not worried." I really just did it because it was free." They haven't asked again. I didn't tell them that he switched preschools in February because he qualified for the special education program for his speech and language delays. There were opportunities, but no one asked, and I didn't want to bring it up again. I hadn't thought about the possibilities or consequences later on--I guess I just hoped they would tell us, "We can get him caught up... There's nothing really wrong here."
My in-laws, on the other hand, have been in the loop for the most part. They make the eight-hour drive to visit us often and love our boys dearly. My husband's mother has been very torn up about it, and it has been difficult and sometimes frustrating to have conversations with her about my son. She was horrified when we told her that he had speech delays, and then tried to be positive by saying things like, "Well I'm sure we can get him to a point where no one can even tell soon." She cried when I told her they were evaluating him for Autism, then did her own research and called me over and over to tell me that Jack can't have Autism because "Autistic kids don't ever smile or talk," and "Just look at how smart he is though." I know it's very hard for her and I try to bite my tongue and just explain that Autism can be exhibited in different ways and that, no, people who have Autism can be very smart. But I really can't stand it and always cry when I hang up the phone. I don't want her to try to wish it away, or research it away. I don't want to take care of her feelings right now when I'm busy trying to handle it realistically.
My in-laws are visiting right now, but only for a few hours. They leave for a week-long cruise this morning and our house was on the way. They haven't asked about my son, thank God. They called the day before the diagnosis and asked if we'd heard anything, so I was able to truthfully tell them no. My husband is worried his mother will cancel the cruise if she finds out now... and it's Mother's Day. All afternoon yesterday, she made a point of telling my son very often and loudly, "Look how smart you are!" And making comments that he is going to be just fine.
I don't know how to break the news. I will eventually tell my friends, maybe in a couple of weeks when the shock wears off. We will tell my in-laws over the phone after they return from their cruise and it will suck a lot. But I don't know how to tell my family. My parents are the main alcoholics in my life. I'm sure my mom will be devastated and will use the news to make herself more miserable and depressed and to get attention from other people. It makes me angry to think about it. She and my dad haven't really made an effort to be a part of our lives and have only met my kids a few times, but I know this would be so exciting for her to get to be sad about. To say it most accurately, I feel like she tries to create emotional connections where there aren't any... for fun... without doing the work of building an actual relationship. As for my dad, he is kind of immature. I'm sure he'd act really understanding, shocked, sad, quiet, and supportive in his words, but I just don't know. I wish I could share the news with my grandmother without telling the rest of my family. I've always been close with her, though her connections and actions among the addicts in my family have strained our relationship in the past several years. This might sound stupid, but I am considering just never telling anyone in my family. My guess is that they probably wouldn't suspect anything and would find out somehow, maybe accidentally, years down the road.
I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. I guess what I am asking is, have you ever had a piece of very sensitive news, good or bad, to share with the A's in your family, and how did you handle it?
It has been a busy past few months for me. I became pregnant in October--a wonderful surprise that my husband and I did not plan. She is due in July and will be our third, after two boys. I finished school a couple of weeks ago and will finally receive my teaching degree... Also, my older son, 3 1/2, was diagnosed with a mild form of Autism three days ago. It has been an emotional process. We started having him screened last September for speech and language concerns, which is what brought us to this point. I felt sick when the word Autism was even mentioned. I think it was because I knew something was "up." It has not been easy, but I know the diagnosis doesn't change who he is, and I hope that only positive things will come of it. I love my little guy, and we are very lucky that he has so many of the foundational skills that some children with Autism don't, that he shows affection and happiness all the time, that he doesn't really act out and throw long tantrums much more than a neurotypical three year-old, and that he can communicate with his words, even if his conversational skills are behind for his age.
My dilemma is that I haven't told my family. One close friend of mine knows that he was being evaluated for Autism, but my husband and I haven't told anyone the result. Back in November when we went to visit our families in VA, I mentioned to my family that we were having him screened for his speech and language, and I think it bothered them. My mom and grandmother kept telling me that all kids are different, that he is fine, that it was unnecessary, etc. It's weird having a family full of addicts and enablers that can overlook and deny all the things that really matter, but feel so threatened when my child might not be as "smart" as other kids. I kind of just stopped talking about it after that. I rarely see my family and talk to my mom on the phone maybe once every three weeks. Initially my grandmother wanted to know what came of the screening, but I kind of blew her off and said things like, "I'm not sure what they'll even tell us" and "I'm not worried." I really just did it because it was free." They haven't asked again. I didn't tell them that he switched preschools in February because he qualified for the special education program for his speech and language delays. There were opportunities, but no one asked, and I didn't want to bring it up again. I hadn't thought about the possibilities or consequences later on--I guess I just hoped they would tell us, "We can get him caught up... There's nothing really wrong here."
My in-laws, on the other hand, have been in the loop for the most part. They make the eight-hour drive to visit us often and love our boys dearly. My husband's mother has been very torn up about it, and it has been difficult and sometimes frustrating to have conversations with her about my son. She was horrified when we told her that he had speech delays, and then tried to be positive by saying things like, "Well I'm sure we can get him to a point where no one can even tell soon." She cried when I told her they were evaluating him for Autism, then did her own research and called me over and over to tell me that Jack can't have Autism because "Autistic kids don't ever smile or talk," and "Just look at how smart he is though." I know it's very hard for her and I try to bite my tongue and just explain that Autism can be exhibited in different ways and that, no, people who have Autism can be very smart. But I really can't stand it and always cry when I hang up the phone. I don't want her to try to wish it away, or research it away. I don't want to take care of her feelings right now when I'm busy trying to handle it realistically.
My in-laws are visiting right now, but only for a few hours. They leave for a week-long cruise this morning and our house was on the way. They haven't asked about my son, thank God. They called the day before the diagnosis and asked if we'd heard anything, so I was able to truthfully tell them no. My husband is worried his mother will cancel the cruise if she finds out now... and it's Mother's Day. All afternoon yesterday, she made a point of telling my son very often and loudly, "Look how smart you are!" And making comments that he is going to be just fine.
I don't know how to break the news. I will eventually tell my friends, maybe in a couple of weeks when the shock wears off. We will tell my in-laws over the phone after they return from their cruise and it will suck a lot. But I don't know how to tell my family. My parents are the main alcoholics in my life. I'm sure my mom will be devastated and will use the news to make herself more miserable and depressed and to get attention from other people. It makes me angry to think about it. She and my dad haven't really made an effort to be a part of our lives and have only met my kids a few times, but I know this would be so exciting for her to get to be sad about. To say it most accurately, I feel like she tries to create emotional connections where there aren't any... for fun... without doing the work of building an actual relationship. As for my dad, he is kind of immature. I'm sure he'd act really understanding, shocked, sad, quiet, and supportive in his words, but I just don't know. I wish I could share the news with my grandmother without telling the rest of my family. I've always been close with her, though her connections and actions among the addicts in my family have strained our relationship in the past several years. This might sound stupid, but I am considering just never telling anyone in my family. My guess is that they probably wouldn't suspect anything and would find out somehow, maybe accidentally, years down the road.
I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. I guess what I am asking is, have you ever had a piece of very sensitive news, good or bad, to share with the A's in your family, and how did you handle it?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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My mother, classic ACoA, from whom I learned all my co-dependent characteristics, sounds a lot like your mother and grandmother.
I'm diabetic, and my mother was hysterical when I was diagnosed (I was an adult when I was diagnosed). She wanted to find any and every excuse to believe I was 'normal'. Then when that didn't work, she decided it was all my father's fault!
What I can tell you is that, in time, my mother has seen me participate in life just like any 'normal' person would do. In time, she came to realize that my diagnosis did not mean I was faulty or damaged or sub-par somehow. The same is true for your son. I don't believe that a diagnosis of Autism means he won't lead a normal, healthy life. If you believe it, your family will, too, eventually
I'm diabetic, and my mother was hysterical when I was diagnosed (I was an adult when I was diagnosed). She wanted to find any and every excuse to believe I was 'normal'. Then when that didn't work, she decided it was all my father's fault!
What I can tell you is that, in time, my mother has seen me participate in life just like any 'normal' person would do. In time, she came to realize that my diagnosis did not mean I was faulty or damaged or sub-par somehow. The same is true for your son. I don't believe that a diagnosis of Autism means he won't lead a normal, healthy life. If you believe it, your family will, too, eventually
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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You don't have to tell them if you don't want to. That doesn't sound stupid. Especially since they barely ever see the kids, it isn't going to make a difference. And if your mom is going to spin it to her advantage, it might not be worth it anyway. You never know whether to tell them or not, but as we all know, addicts are unpredictable, and therefore unable to comfort us when we need it most.
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My MIL called yesterday to check on her son, my RAH, because she hasn't heard from him in a couple of days.
All I got out was "He hasn't been feeling well his blood sugars (diabetic) have been out of whack for a couple of days". She said "Its the Dr. fault, its his other meds, maybe that did something to him at his last hospitalization, its been raining maybe he is depressed (????) etc".
I said "No, he hasn't been eating right or testing his sugars often enough".
Pause, Pause, Pause and she says "Well, he didn't get that from me". WTF?
I wouldn't say a word.
All I got out was "He hasn't been feeling well his blood sugars (diabetic) have been out of whack for a couple of days". She said "Its the Dr. fault, its his other meds, maybe that did something to him at his last hospitalization, its been raining maybe he is depressed (????) etc".
I said "No, he hasn't been eating right or testing his sugars often enough".
Pause, Pause, Pause and she says "Well, he didn't get that from me". WTF?
I wouldn't say a word.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: gold coast
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My son who is 14 has mild autism its not the end of the world. He is highly intelligent and baffles me with his knowledge. He cant understand how i dont know this stuff he knows when i have to university degrees lol. He gets anxiety and homeschooled now but he is such a loving kid that is going to go far. There is a lot worse things they can be diagnosed with so just enjoy your son and forget about your parents opinions. My mother in law denies my son has anything wrong and if she wants to live in denial city it dont bother me. Hugs to you and your family
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Originally Posted by Talltrees 
This might sound stupid, but I am considering just never telling anyone in my family. My guess is that they probably wouldn't suspect anything and would find out somehow, maybe accidentally, years down the road.
People are going to hear what they want to hear anyway, and right now you don't need to put any stress on your plate. Especially this kind of pointless stress. As said earlier, just enjoy your family.
If people want info, however, I believe there are books available that help explain autism. I even think some of them are children's books, but even children's books can be helpful when explaining to adults the nuances of the spectrum.
Good Luck to you, and Happy Mother's Day
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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My middle daughter us autistic, ADHD, and ODD. Autism isn't cancer. It's just a label to get services. With therapy and lots of understanding, they can function in society just fine. I will be homeschooling my kids next year because our school district just sucks and they aren't equipped to teach special needs children.
My family is much like yours, wanting to tell me all these doctors are quacks and that my daughter is fine. I was so relieved when I got her diagnosis because I've known since she was a toddler that something wasn't right. It wasn't my parenting that did it. I'm an ACoA, and one of my greatest fears is that I'll ruin my kids. Being a good mother is something I strive for, so having this obstinate, out of control child with speech issues and everything else made me feel like a complete failure. But she has a legitimate problem and we're getting her help. I am so grateful for the diagnosis because she can get help she needs instead of being tossed aside.
My family is much like yours, wanting to tell me all these doctors are quacks and that my daughter is fine. I was so relieved when I got her diagnosis because I've known since she was a toddler that something wasn't right. It wasn't my parenting that did it. I'm an ACoA, and one of my greatest fears is that I'll ruin my kids. Being a good mother is something I strive for, so having this obstinate, out of control child with speech issues and everything else made me feel like a complete failure. But she has a legitimate problem and we're getting her help. I am so grateful for the diagnosis because she can get help she needs instead of being tossed aside.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Why do you owe them anything?
If they are toxic then place some distance between yous. In fact- come right out and say so- look- if you are going to make my life difficult then I have no choice but to put some distance. Your responsibility is to your kids, your immediate family.
I worked in the field for a number of years and you can expect some rewarding experiences. The glass is half full- not half empty.
If they are toxic then place some distance between yous. In fact- come right out and say so- look- if you are going to make my life difficult then I have no choice but to put some distance. Your responsibility is to your kids, your immediate family.
I worked in the field for a number of years and you can expect some rewarding experiences. The glass is half full- not half empty.
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http://www.slideshare.net/whitesal/a...rgers-syndrome
Sorry if this is getting a bit OT from the original question of whether or not you should tell, but here is a link to a slideshow for the children's book All Cat's Have Asbergers. I don't have a personal opinion of it, but maybe it could be helpful at some point.
Sorry if this is getting a bit OT from the original question of whether or not you should tell, but here is a link to a slideshow for the children's book All Cat's Have Asbergers. I don't have a personal opinion of it, but maybe it could be helpful at some point.
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Thanks Dandylion, I think it's clever the way it uses a cute method to impart very important info. Especially the part on page 29: "Sometimes his relatives think they can bring him up better than his parents can."
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Thank you all for your kind and comforting words. I'd heard of the All Cats Have Aspergers book before but never read it. I've learned a few things about Autism from the work I've done, but I'm not an expert and never imagined I'd need to touch up my knowledge base. I viewed the slideshow and cried through it, lol.
I think we've decided to wait another couple of weeks before we tell anyone now. The full analysis hasn't even been explained to us yet, and we have a meeting at the end of the month to discuss it. Maybe my head will be a little clearer by then, and I might actually have answers to some of the questions people will ask.
Thank you again. The reassurance that I have no obligation to share the news, and your stories about having a child with Autism are really comforting. I know it will be okay, and he already is who he is.
I think we've decided to wait another couple of weeks before we tell anyone now. The full analysis hasn't even been explained to us yet, and we have a meeting at the end of the month to discuss it. Maybe my head will be a little clearer by then, and I might actually have answers to some of the questions people will ask.
Thank you again. The reassurance that I have no obligation to share the news, and your stories about having a child with Autism are really comforting. I know it will be okay, and he already is who he is.
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I have 2 close friends with children on the spectrum with Autism & Asperger's. My only real life experience comes from those relationships & listening/watching my friends navigate through it.
The friend with the child higher on the spectrum fought the diagnosis hard, it was just a concrete block in her mind somehow. Whether it related to feelings of failure, inadequacy, just being overwhelmed, IDK; but I know she struggled more than she would open up & talk about. I think the "label" was really difficult for her to deal with in particular. Once she embraced it though, it was such a relief to be able to educate the rest of the family on how to better interact with him & to help him interact better with them..... & everyone's quality of life improved & stress levels went down.
The other friend has access to more therapy, education & programs but keeps doing the ostrich/head/sand thing {thunk!!} & spends more time trying to figure out ways to prove that her DD isn't on the spectrum at all..... all the while acknowledging out the other side of her mouth that her DD definitely struggles with something. In the meantime her DD is getting older & things are getting more frustrating & it's difficult for her to communicate her needs at times. It is worth mentioning that this friend also has big challenges with her bipolar AH & she struggles really, really hard as a full fledged, active Codie ~ she was already having such a hard time balancing all the dysfunctional relationships in her life before DD's diagnosis.
IMO, I don't think you owe anybody any explanations, especially if they are toxic & unsupportive to begin with. Give yourselves time to adjust to the new information & changes & then share what you feel comfortable explaining whenever you are ready. If anyone gives you flack for it later tell them you were spending all of your energy focusing on DS & weren't terribly concerned about how OTHER people felt about HIS diagnosis.
The friend with the child higher on the spectrum fought the diagnosis hard, it was just a concrete block in her mind somehow. Whether it related to feelings of failure, inadequacy, just being overwhelmed, IDK; but I know she struggled more than she would open up & talk about. I think the "label" was really difficult for her to deal with in particular. Once she embraced it though, it was such a relief to be able to educate the rest of the family on how to better interact with him & to help him interact better with them..... & everyone's quality of life improved & stress levels went down.
The other friend has access to more therapy, education & programs but keeps doing the ostrich/head/sand thing {thunk!!} & spends more time trying to figure out ways to prove that her DD isn't on the spectrum at all..... all the while acknowledging out the other side of her mouth that her DD definitely struggles with something. In the meantime her DD is getting older & things are getting more frustrating & it's difficult for her to communicate her needs at times. It is worth mentioning that this friend also has big challenges with her bipolar AH & she struggles really, really hard as a full fledged, active Codie ~ she was already having such a hard time balancing all the dysfunctional relationships in her life before DD's diagnosis.
IMO, I don't think you owe anybody any explanations, especially if they are toxic & unsupportive to begin with. Give yourselves time to adjust to the new information & changes & then share what you feel comfortable explaining whenever you are ready. If anyone gives you flack for it later tell them you were spending all of your energy focusing on DS & weren't terribly concerned about how OTHER people felt about HIS diagnosis.
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Hi there,
I don't have anything to offer in terms of telling relatives, but I just wanted to pipe in.
I work with special needs kids and many of my students are on the autism spectrum, either high functioning or Asperger's. They are absolutely some of my favorite students. There are some great books out there that maybe you could suggest people read (or maybe you'd like them, too) like "The Reason I Jump," by Naoki Higashida, "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robinson, or anything by Temple Grandin. I think they all do a great job of dispelling stereotypes and explaining things that might seem odd to neurotypical people.
Like many people say, "Once you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism."
That being said, your child does not need to be explained as though there's something wrong with him. He's a wonderful human being, with his own sets of strengths and weaknesses. And you don't owe anyone an explanation if they're not supportive. And autism has nothing to do with intelligence.
Anyway, I have a special place in my heart for people with autism, so I wanted to jump in.
I don't have anything to offer in terms of telling relatives, but I just wanted to pipe in.
I work with special needs kids and many of my students are on the autism spectrum, either high functioning or Asperger's. They are absolutely some of my favorite students. There are some great books out there that maybe you could suggest people read (or maybe you'd like them, too) like "The Reason I Jump," by Naoki Higashida, "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robinson, or anything by Temple Grandin. I think they all do a great job of dispelling stereotypes and explaining things that might seem odd to neurotypical people.
Like many people say, "Once you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism."
That being said, your child does not need to be explained as though there's something wrong with him. He's a wonderful human being, with his own sets of strengths and weaknesses. And you don't owe anyone an explanation if they're not supportive. And autism has nothing to do with intelligence.
Anyway, I have a special place in my heart for people with autism, so I wanted to jump in.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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My son is 18 and an Asperger kid.
I remember how hard it was when he was first diagnosed when he was 5, so I really empathize with you.
What we learned is that the label is just that. Our son was not the label. We used the label to get services, but tried not to define him with that label. From my point of view, he is just wired different.
I don't remember how we told our families back then, but after a couple of years we were just matter of fact about it. If it came up naturally in a conversation, we mentioned it. Otherwise we didn't.
I remember how hard it was when he was first diagnosed when he was 5, so I really empathize with you.
What we learned is that the label is just that. Our son was not the label. We used the label to get services, but tried not to define him with that label. From my point of view, he is just wired different.
I don't remember how we told our families back then, but after a couple of years we were just matter of fact about it. If it came up naturally in a conversation, we mentioned it. Otherwise we didn't.
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There are grandparent support groups around. Maybe that would be a useful way for other z"experts" to help your in laws?
I really like "Parenthood " on TV as it does a decent job showing long term issues and family interaction. They could watch a bunch at once too. It might help introduce issue in a family dynamic.
I would work on eventually telling in laws. I think they could grow into a supportive resource. But nothing has to be said until you and your H are ready! Hugs! The knowledge helps get access to resources. You are laying good groundwork!
I really like "Parenthood " on TV as it does a decent job showing long term issues and family interaction. They could watch a bunch at once too. It might help introduce issue in a family dynamic.
I would work on eventually telling in laws. I think they could grow into a supportive resource. But nothing has to be said until you and your H are ready! Hugs! The knowledge helps get access to resources. You are laying good groundwork!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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I've always loved those shirts that say, "I have Autism. What's your excuse?" It tends to put people in their places when they want to get all uppity. I'm incredibly proud of my daughter. She is si smart, which is why we were able to sit on it so long. Her smarts overshadowed her social skills, but I always knew it wasn't something she would ever outgrow. You'll be fine and will get excellent help with your son. Just love him and let him know you're proud of him.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Thank you for all of the responses. It is great to hear from so many people who have experience with children on the spectrum. I have been doing some research and wanted to ask a favor: Can anyone recommend a good online support group for raising children with Autism? I have some questions, and want to repeat them on an Autism forum.
My husband and I went to a parents' support group for Parents of Children with Autism last night. We are still questioning the diagnosis, but I didn't say so because I didn't want to sound like a whacko. I was wondering if I might ask some general questions that I can't seem to get a straight answer for. I've been trying to do online research, but am getting confused.
Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Parent’s Guide to Symptoms and Diagnosis on the Autism Spectrum
This site listed the signs and symptoms (aka diagnostic criteria, as I understood it). I don't think my son really has any of the behaviors other than the speech and language criteria (all of them). Initially, we had him evaluated because of those behaviors and it was determined that he had speech and language delays. Then the school psychologist went ahead, with our consent, and did the autism evaluation that she recommended, which only took two months of observing him at school and interacting with him... and my concern is that I think she did it all herself. Is this normal? Because I have heard that diagnosing Autism takes a lot longer than that, and this site talks about seeing a neurologist as part of the process, among other things.
I know for a fact that my son can do many of the things she says she did not observe, though it may not be often, and he is sometimes hesitant to do them in a public setting. He talks very clearly, though sometimes refers to himself in the third person and uses unusual sentence structure, and has trouble answering wh- questions. Also, a lot of his responses are memorized and re-used, because we have worked on teaching him appropriate responses to certain questions. He doesn't seem to have any sensory issues, though we did swaddle him until he was eleven months old because he didn't seem to want to sleep unless we did. He was a "late" talker, but not in the range of concern, according to our pediatrician. He uses immature language for his age, though there is constantly noticeable improvement. He definitely prefers to play alone, but I have seen him play with other children and he will join a group activity if asked. He can ask other kids for a turn with their toys, and says please and thank you. And he knows when someone is being mean to him and will usually tell me about it. And yes, sometimes he likes to drive around in a toy car and hang his head out the window to stare at the wheels turning, lol, but I guess that just doesn't seem very unusual to me. Even his preschool teacher, before he switched schools for his speech and language delays, said with complete certainty that she did not suspect Autism when I told her he was beginning the evaluation.
We haven't received the written analysis, or any measurements of his capabilities yet. Just a very long phone call from the school psychologist to break the news. I don't know what to think. I go back and forth. I don't want to deny this if it's true, and I this psychologist is a very smart lady that I really do respect, and I thought she captured him very well when she did the speech and language eval.
I know you've never met him and could not begin to guess if the diagnosis might be incorrect, but I wanted to ask. How does this sound to you? Can the process for diagnosis really be that short? What would you do?
My husband and I went to a parents' support group for Parents of Children with Autism last night. We are still questioning the diagnosis, but I didn't say so because I didn't want to sound like a whacko. I was wondering if I might ask some general questions that I can't seem to get a straight answer for. I've been trying to do online research, but am getting confused.
Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Parent’s Guide to Symptoms and Diagnosis on the Autism Spectrum
This site listed the signs and symptoms (aka diagnostic criteria, as I understood it). I don't think my son really has any of the behaviors other than the speech and language criteria (all of them). Initially, we had him evaluated because of those behaviors and it was determined that he had speech and language delays. Then the school psychologist went ahead, with our consent, and did the autism evaluation that she recommended, which only took two months of observing him at school and interacting with him... and my concern is that I think she did it all herself. Is this normal? Because I have heard that diagnosing Autism takes a lot longer than that, and this site talks about seeing a neurologist as part of the process, among other things.
I know for a fact that my son can do many of the things she says she did not observe, though it may not be often, and he is sometimes hesitant to do them in a public setting. He talks very clearly, though sometimes refers to himself in the third person and uses unusual sentence structure, and has trouble answering wh- questions. Also, a lot of his responses are memorized and re-used, because we have worked on teaching him appropriate responses to certain questions. He doesn't seem to have any sensory issues, though we did swaddle him until he was eleven months old because he didn't seem to want to sleep unless we did. He was a "late" talker, but not in the range of concern, according to our pediatrician. He uses immature language for his age, though there is constantly noticeable improvement. He definitely prefers to play alone, but I have seen him play with other children and he will join a group activity if asked. He can ask other kids for a turn with their toys, and says please and thank you. And he knows when someone is being mean to him and will usually tell me about it. And yes, sometimes he likes to drive around in a toy car and hang his head out the window to stare at the wheels turning, lol, but I guess that just doesn't seem very unusual to me. Even his preschool teacher, before he switched schools for his speech and language delays, said with complete certainty that she did not suspect Autism when I told her he was beginning the evaluation.
We haven't received the written analysis, or any measurements of his capabilities yet. Just a very long phone call from the school psychologist to break the news. I don't know what to think. I go back and forth. I don't want to deny this if it's true, and I this psychologist is a very smart lady that I really do respect, and I thought she captured him very well when she did the speech and language eval.
I know you've never met him and could not begin to guess if the diagnosis might be incorrect, but I wanted to ask. How does this sound to you? Can the process for diagnosis really be that short? What would you do?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Just FYI--I know this is super long and annoying, but the main purpose was to get a recommendation for an Autism group online so I can paste it somewhere where there are more people who feel like answering, lol. Sorry again!
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I wish I had a group to offer but wanted to mention that NPR did a radio program about a 13 year old girl with Autism on Saturday afternoon. It was a family member discussing her treatment, her life, etc. It was a great program. I think you can access those from their website, just thought you may want to check it out.
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