BombusQueen

Hi everyone,
I have about 8 months of sobriety at the moment and things have been going well. I go to meetings and have a sponsor and I'm working the steps, but lately I keep thinking about drinking or smoking pot. I do remember the negative consequences of drinking and don't want to go through the emotional pain (or worse!) that it causes, but there is this illusion, that maybe I can drink normally. I know this is probably not true. Even when I do moderate it is not enjoyable because I usually want to keep drinking. My intention is rarely to drink to get drunk, or into a blackout, but there is a good chance that will happen when I put alcohol in my body. My life is so much better without alcohol. I've been under a lot of stress lately finishing up college and greatly desire some kind of release. I keep thinking I want to smoke cigarettes at least, but I know I'll feel like **** if I start that again. The only thing I wouldn't feel so terrible about is pot, but then I lose my sobriety time not to mention lower my guard against the first drink. I don't feel like I'm endanger of drinking at the moment, but I feel like I'm planning my next drink, even if it's not for months or years to come. I know this type of thinking because I stopped for almost 2 years on my own without a program. This type of thinking was the beginning of the end of my sobriety. I think I must have planned my next drink months ahead of the time I finally took it. No bueno. A part of me feels like I'm not done with it. But that is a lie my mind tells me. Anyone have some truth they care to share?

Dee74

Hi Bombus Queen

Any time I went back to alcohol or pot, I had the same results.
There was no amount of time that reset me or made me 'normal'

don't do what I did and confuse a period of abstinence with control over alcohol (or pot for that matter).

Abstinence and control are not the same thing.

I think the issue here is you're stressed - why not devote a little time and energy to finding healthier ways to do that?

Exercise helps me, also devoting a little part of the day to myself, making sure I eat well and rest well...I make priority lists too...and I delegate where possible

Balance is really important - if you leave no time for yourself, you're setting yourself up for burnout I think.

...other things you could do include things like meditation, hobbies, long bubble baths...I'm sure others will have many suggestions.

There are no answers back the way you came BQ. My advice is to keep moving forward

D

StormiNormi

all I know is from my experience of repeated relapses. StinkingThinking leads to relapse unless we short circuit our thoughts. If we listen to the old timers, we accept that those thoughts are a normal price of recovery. If we can anticipate, we can identify, we can act, we just need to keep our tools close at hand. All the best to you. I''ll be looking forward to your 1 year bday post!

seanie1888

I try see a giant stop sign in front of my face every time I find the stinking thinking coming on, I try not let them thoughts stay to long in my head.
I hand them over to my higher power and ask for help.

I thought I was going insane with the thoughts of alcohol all the time, I talked to my sponsor and he said its ok, its going to be at you, we're alcoholic after all, we're not going to be thinking of cream buns all the time, it was a major part of our lives for so long its going to take a while, the main thing is your not taking that first drink.

Yours in recovery

SASA

every time I had this thought and started drinking I got the same result. Misery and a huge hangover. It took me years to get out of this cycle. Why even try to go back there. I usually know that if I get the thought I need to change something in my life.....

Johnston

Can you try channeling those urges into something more productive? For instance:

- exercise/meditation
- building personal relationships
- learning a new language
- seeking further education/certifications

heath480

Sounds as if fear is telling you lies.You understand what will happen if you drink.

Step up your meetings and talk with your sponsor,post on here.

These thoughts will pass,you will still be sober and stronger in your recovery.

zeroptzero

For me a difficult part of this whole thing is the struggle between wanting to feel unique and independent and wanting to identify and be strengthened by others who have achieved sobriety. You hear so many stories and read so much about the illusion of control and yet you can't help but sometimes think "but maybe I could pull it off." Defeating denial by acceptance and admitting you can't is very empowering in my opinion.

DoubleDragons

Zero, I think we have to question why we so desperately want to bring something back that was bad for us into our lives and "control" it?? Normies don't have to "control" it. They naturally shut themselves off. There is nothing else in my life that I have quit that was bad for me that I fantasize bringing back into my life. This kind of thinking, always just proves to me that I was addicted to alcohol and when I quit drinking I had spent the whole summer doing a pretty good job of "controlling" my intake, but it was miserable and it always left me wanting more and counting my days down until I could have it. Maybe we want desperately to "control" alcohol, to try to prove that it doesn't have complete control over us, but even when we "control" it, it really still is control.

Notmyrealname

I don't drink because I know it's a quick road to an existence much worse than the one I now enjoy. Are you happy? School stress can be a real drag. Make sure you have some things going in in your life that you enjoy and that you're passionate about, so it's not just school all day all the time. When I had drinking problems I was very unhappy, and then I was unhappy about my drinking as well. I fixed the drinking and that momentum carried into other parts of my life, and I got to fixing some other things that made me unhappy, and now I'm pretty happy, so although I consider drinking every few months or so the analysis always points resoundingly to "not a good idea" and that's that.

Verte

Hi BombusQueen,

No insight from me. Just want to say 'hello' and thanks for the post - almost 8 months sober is spectacular.