Down for Mothers day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Down for Mothers day!
Hello Mothers!
Being a mother to my adult children hasn't been easy for the last 4 years....It's not the first year that my children have struggled during Mother's day but somehow I am joining them in a different struggle.
My daughter has been overall improved but has tried to outwit the legal system (probation) and try to drink around her breathalyzer (x4 a day). She didn't win.
Now, after many chances from the legal system....she will be going away to inpatient. Probably for 6-9 months. I told her that she may want to go crazy and act out but things can be soooo much worse if she does. She can get booted from her grandmothers and be homeless; a bigger charge (legally) and burn the relationships with her family.
The last few days she has been smoking the synthetic marijuana. This is her go-to drug on probation. My mother is calling her probation officer, on Monday, to see if she can be picked up earlier.
My adult son....is working; living in a hotel a mile away from me. I know he is smoking synthetic mj, at the least and possible meth when he gets the money.
Obviously, this is not a Mother's day celebration for me!
I am tired. I am a Mom that has tried everything. I know to allow my kids to live their lives and I do. I know that I am doing the right thing by detaching with love. I know it's not my fault.
It still s*cks! It still hurts. It still makes me angry at my selfish children!
Just venting....
Being a mother to my adult children hasn't been easy for the last 4 years....It's not the first year that my children have struggled during Mother's day but somehow I am joining them in a different struggle.
My daughter has been overall improved but has tried to outwit the legal system (probation) and try to drink around her breathalyzer (x4 a day). She didn't win.
Now, after many chances from the legal system....she will be going away to inpatient. Probably for 6-9 months. I told her that she may want to go crazy and act out but things can be soooo much worse if she does. She can get booted from her grandmothers and be homeless; a bigger charge (legally) and burn the relationships with her family.
The last few days she has been smoking the synthetic marijuana. This is her go-to drug on probation. My mother is calling her probation officer, on Monday, to see if she can be picked up earlier.
My adult son....is working; living in a hotel a mile away from me. I know he is smoking synthetic mj, at the least and possible meth when he gets the money.
Obviously, this is not a Mother's day celebration for me!
I am tired. I am a Mom that has tried everything. I know to allow my kids to live their lives and I do. I know that I am doing the right thing by detaching with love. I know it's not my fault.
It still s*cks! It still hurts. It still makes me angry at my selfish children!
Just venting....
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am sorry Txhelp that your are hurting.
There is no reason why we can't honor ourselves today. We don't need our children's validation. We know we were loving, attentive, and wonderful mothers. (Mine are living out of town/state right now and are feeling sorry for their father....for now. ) I am going to a late lunch and a movie with a friend and we are going to honor ourselves and each other. Care to join us?
There is no reason why we can't honor ourselves today. We don't need our children's validation. We know we were loving, attentive, and wonderful mothers. (Mine are living out of town/state right now and are feeling sorry for their father....for now. ) I am going to a late lunch and a movie with a friend and we are going to honor ourselves and each other. Care to join us?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Thanks tx....yep, today is a hard one for me...but just as LMN said...we can honor ourselves. When I'm done licking my wounds I'm going to get up, dress up, show up and spend the day with one of the most amazing mothers I know...getting pedis, shopping and eating. I'm trying to have no expectations on hearing from my son...Sending thoughts your way today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Thanks to you all! I am attending church and praying for all of the great moms!.... Especially those that have dedicated their hearts when it hasn't been easy or reciprocated.
I am moving forward, as I do, but my heart still is in pain.
I am moving forward, as I do, but my heart still is in pain.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Tx, my son has been missing 10 years, lost in addiction somewhere, but I refuse to be sad on my special day, I did that for too many years. So today I took a walk in nature and along the shore. I talked (in spirit) to my mother, my grandmother and my mother-in-law to thank them all for the legacy of love they left behind.
Mr. Ann is working so I will treat myself (and him when he gets home) to a nice order-in dinner, some fresh flowers and a day that is all about "me", just relaxing and enjoying a perfect spring day.
We raised our kids well. They made some bad choices but that is no reason not to honour ourselves on our special day.
Hope everyone here enjoys today and honours the woman that you are.
Hugs
Mr. Ann is working so I will treat myself (and him when he gets home) to a nice order-in dinner, some fresh flowers and a day that is all about "me", just relaxing and enjoying a perfect spring day.
We raised our kids well. They made some bad choices but that is no reason not to honour ourselves on our special day.
Hope everyone here enjoys today and honours the woman that you are.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Oh Ann...how I admire your strength. I know it hasn't always felt that way!
My daughter texted my mother in law, for a ride, to attend church services. She showed up...half awake/sleep and even slept during most of the service. After services, I didn't feel like our typical lunch and I drove my daughter home.
I then went to my mother in laws home. My husband is in recovery and her other son (his brother) is an active meth addict and living in the home. For her, I am her only confidant. She feels shame but is now releasing that somewhat....I have been the only person for her to speak to, in years, regarding her son(s).
My mother in law is a poster child of an enabler. In fact, I am reminded of what I don't want my 75 years (her age) to look like....with my kids. She has gotten better but him living with her takes a toll. She has decided to sell the house and move to a 1 bedroom apt..her way of disconnecting from him.
Anyway....I went to her home, after church, and cried and we cried together. It was cathartic and quick. We didn't stay, crying, for long. We both agree that we are great moms and there is nothing else to do.
My son called....it seems he was agitated and angry. I did ask if he was coming off of his synthetic mj and he blew up. I expected and probably should have asked but I did. Needless to say...he ranted and raved and went on an on. I usually hang up but I allowed my husband, for the first time to hear him speak. We have been married for over a year. He heard my son...as was saddened. "I have been there" he said. He is in recovery. I told him that I felt that he should hear it and I wouldn't share any more like that as I normally hang up.
My son who went from blowing up; to suicidal threats; in one phone call is now at the local hospital....an hour later. He said he was there because he has an infection (all week) and wanted to see the doctor! Wow! It's his ride. Gonna step off today.
My daughter texted my mother in law, for a ride, to attend church services. She showed up...half awake/sleep and even slept during most of the service. After services, I didn't feel like our typical lunch and I drove my daughter home.
I then went to my mother in laws home. My husband is in recovery and her other son (his brother) is an active meth addict and living in the home. For her, I am her only confidant. She feels shame but is now releasing that somewhat....I have been the only person for her to speak to, in years, regarding her son(s).
My mother in law is a poster child of an enabler. In fact, I am reminded of what I don't want my 75 years (her age) to look like....with my kids. She has gotten better but him living with her takes a toll. She has decided to sell the house and move to a 1 bedroom apt..her way of disconnecting from him.
Anyway....I went to her home, after church, and cried and we cried together. It was cathartic and quick. We didn't stay, crying, for long. We both agree that we are great moms and there is nothing else to do.
My son called....it seems he was agitated and angry. I did ask if he was coming off of his synthetic mj and he blew up. I expected and probably should have asked but I did. Needless to say...he ranted and raved and went on an on. I usually hang up but I allowed my husband, for the first time to hear him speak. We have been married for over a year. He heard my son...as was saddened. "I have been there" he said. He is in recovery. I told him that I felt that he should hear it and I wouldn't share any more like that as I normally hang up.
My son who went from blowing up; to suicidal threats; in one phone call is now at the local hospital....an hour later. He said he was there because he has an infection (all week) and wanted to see the doctor! Wow! It's his ride. Gonna step off today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
((((TX)))) So sorry you have had to endure this today of all days. No one said being a mom was easy and for those of us with addicted children, yeah it really sucks!
I have read some very inspiring posts tonight from so many on here dealing with an addicted child and how they have handled Mother's day. Wow. So strong, so brave. This is not for the faint of heart. We all did our best to raise them right and give them love and a secure home. All I do now is pray and leave it in God's hands because it just gets to be too much. I pray both your children find the help they need and take it. Sending you love and hugs tonight TX.
I have read some very inspiring posts tonight from so many on here dealing with an addicted child and how they have handled Mother's day. Wow. So strong, so brave. This is not for the faint of heart. We all did our best to raise them right and give them love and a secure home. All I do now is pray and leave it in God's hands because it just gets to be too much. I pray both your children find the help they need and take it. Sending you love and hugs tonight TX.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 7
Sorry if this looks off-topic, but your Mothers Day talk inspired a great realization for me:
I called my mom today, wished her a happy MD. That's a big thing. I've spent most of my 40+ years angry at her for her Adult Child of Alcoholics behavior - how she had to make me be her parent, ignoring my emotional needs and hunger, and training me to entertain and take care of her un-dealt with feelings...
My happiest conclusion is that she is actually a hero. She really is. Neither of her sisters were able to have a family. She's an Adult Child of two Alcoholic parents. BUT NOT AN ALCOHOLIC! She has been handed every reason in the world: socially, environmentally, culturally, even biologically, to become a drinker. She never did. NEVER DID! She is an emotionally messed up lady with heavy baggage, a lost childhood, poor parenting skills, narcissistic martyring and controlling tendencies, etc. etc... But she effectively threw herself on the grenade of her family's traditional chemical dependency. It wrecked her, but it didn't completely destroy everything around her as it would have if she had decided to drink. She was able to raise a family. And she put the fear of God into us about these chemicals.
And today, I am loving the life that she created for me. Because my brother and I were the first in countless generations to grow up without alcoholism. She is a mess, and she is the bravest, hardest working person in my life. I love her. Thanks mom.
I called my mom today, wished her a happy MD. That's a big thing. I've spent most of my 40+ years angry at her for her Adult Child of Alcoholics behavior - how she had to make me be her parent, ignoring my emotional needs and hunger, and training me to entertain and take care of her un-dealt with feelings...
My happiest conclusion is that she is actually a hero. She really is. Neither of her sisters were able to have a family. She's an Adult Child of two Alcoholic parents. BUT NOT AN ALCOHOLIC! She has been handed every reason in the world: socially, environmentally, culturally, even biologically, to become a drinker. She never did. NEVER DID! She is an emotionally messed up lady with heavy baggage, a lost childhood, poor parenting skills, narcissistic martyring and controlling tendencies, etc. etc... But she effectively threw herself on the grenade of her family's traditional chemical dependency. It wrecked her, but it didn't completely destroy everything around her as it would have if she had decided to drink. She was able to raise a family. And she put the fear of God into us about these chemicals.
And today, I am loving the life that she created for me. Because my brother and I were the first in countless generations to grow up without alcoholism. She is a mess, and she is the bravest, hardest working person in my life. I love her. Thanks mom.
Last edited by bozemanenough; 05-11-2014 at 09:41 PM. Reason: Explanation for off-topic...
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