SkyBlueSky

I've been that obstinate alcoholic that thinks that y'all can and will save me when I can't save myself. Today, I finally had 24 hours of sobriety, and the self-loathing is insurmountable. I can't believe how much I hate myself.

Not only that, but in only a few short hours (because I am already feeling ill) I will be confused and unknowingly pissed at people. Is that negative thinking? Nope. I know because I have tried this before. I always try before important moments in life (i.e., self-saboteur). I start a new job monday, and I am going to show up like a sweaty hog.

How, if anyone has experience, can I take care of withdrawals on the job? I have 5 bucks in my bank account; a friend letting me stay with him; and zero support from the family. I want to succeed, and after being that "perfect 4.0 child", I have yet to achieve anything. I need help to get through this new job and detox (simultaneously). Any advice?

To anyone that read my prior posts, I am sorry. I was still "toying" with my sobriety, which is unfair to y'all and myself. Now, I have taken a stand, and I feel like ****. I guess I am supposed to feel like ****. Again, my apologies.

Dee74

Things can't and don't change overnight.

24 hours is a great achievement - it really is - but it won't make a dent in decades of self loathing and self sabotage.

Keep moving forward it will be hard and tough at times, but no tougher than drinking and the mess it creates...

and staying sober will make things easier - and it won't take years - once you start the process you'll make remarkable strides.

Best wishes for the new job - take care of yourself this weekend - even if you really don't want to...

D

topspin

I think it'd great you've taken a stand, Bluesky

Can relate to toying around with getting sober, and being the self- sabotaging behavior.

Congrats on your new vision, ...and new job Monday,.

Take care,

Brian316

Hello friend. Self sabotoge is a big character defect of mine. At 6 months sober I feel like I am just starting to maybe slightly grasp it. When I was drinking I trashed A LOT of great opportunities. Girls, jobs, cars, schooling. I think for me it was almost like a martyr thing. I could mess something up but be thinking months or even years in advance of how it was gonna fail because of me and my drinkin'. Almost like I set it up to fail so I could have a free gateway to self pity. I liked playing the victim. It probably doesn't make sense but I've found the elevator doesn't quite go to the top for many of us alcoholics. My advice to you is stop now, go to an AA meeting and don't mess up your new job.

IWillWin

Practical advice. Lock yourself in until the morning you begin your job. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. When you feel like you can drink another drop of water or pedialyte or whatever drink just a little more. Take many showers or baths. Eat as much as you can. Sleep. Rest. Sweat it out. And of course, if things go south seriously get medical attention.

On the morning of the job, get up 2 hours early and hydrate again. Slather on the anti perspirant because of nerves and also the end of detox. Bring mints and gum to keep your mouth from getting dry. SMILE. And muscle thru. You got this. I've done it and so have many. As long as it is not a medical emergency type detox you know the drill. Do it. The job is important and first impression crucial for your colleagues. You are gonna be great !

STAY SOBER and show them how spectacular you are and will continue to be as a sober and productive employee!!! Congrats on the job too !