Mango blast

Our rehab counselor said that even when the alcohol is gone there's still a whole lot of crazy going on. He calls that the 'isms' in alcoholism.

I'm wondering about seeing inebriated signs in someone who isn't drinking? Does that happen?

My husband is either drinking again or going through some dry-drunk isms. He doesn't seem like he's been drinking. If he is that will come out soon enough. It's been really little things of how he's acting. A certain kind of laugh. A couple small things of how he said something. Yes, more will be revealed one way or another.

I'm realistic in that there may be another drunken Mother's Day coming up. I'm thinking ahead to what DS and I will be doing Sunday, with or without him.

Physically and mentally, I'm improving. Working my side of the road.

Mango blast

This. Yes, he's drinking. I should have waited a while to post. They do call it alcoholism for a reason.

I don't know if he starts acting like this the day before he actually starts drinking, or if he's hiding it well at first. He's never been one who's able to have a couple of drinks or hide it well.

ladyscribbler

Sorry to hear that. Plan something nice for yourself and leave him out of it. That's something I wish I had known to do when I was with my ex. Especially that last year. He got stinking drunk every holiday while I seethed with resentment like a Codie fool instead of living my own life. Well, now that I know better, I do better.
Sending Mother's Day hugs your way.

honeypig

KTF, I am so very sorry to hear that your A has relapsed. Your intuition was right on w/those little signs...

I'm glad you've given some thought to how to spend your Mother's Day weekend w/o him, and I hope you have a peaceful, healing, hope-filled time!

((((Hugs)))) to you, KTF.

Mango blast

Thanks. Tomorrow we have a company event going on. I was thinking of not going, but there are people I want to see and have time with. If I go, it'll be for myself not for him.

I have no clue how to talk to him tonight. I did once. I need to leave it alone.
Yes, I know. Why even try when he's been drinking??

Ironic. He said the other day he had enough of his one supplement to last until Friday. This morning I was going to go to the doctors to get more for him, but before I left I checked the bottle and there's plenty til Monday. I thought he hadn't counted them out; now I'm guessing he stopped taking them. It's patterned out. The junk food, the idiosyncrasies, the drinking. Bing, bang, boom.

I've been using Steven Halpern's binaural beats again for going to sleep and listened to Theta beats today while reading parts of How to be the Adult in a Relationship and Abundance of Gratitude. Been going barefoot outside a lot and that's helping too.

If it wasn't so cold and rainy I'd go tent camping with our son tomorrow night.

hopeful4

Im sorry KTF. MY XAH always has certain little mannerisms that come out right away when he drinks. No one would notice except me. Its weird. I hope you go enjoy yourself with your DS this wknd.

xxx

SeriousKarma

I'm sorry, KTF.

I guess in some ways it's better for the shoe to drop before Mother's Day than on Mother's Day. Now, maybe, you can plan accordingly.

Will your son and you be able to do something without your husband, or will he want to be included?

How is your son doing by the way? I have to tell you, I really think you set a wonderful example for him by working on your recovery the way you do. I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day. You deserve it.

Mango blast

I have no idea. DS needs routine, I need some time away. The forecast is cold and rainy.

Maybe a tent in the house, play games together, mom & son time. Not what I was thinking of, but I can enjoy that with him and have my time in little ways over the weekend. Our daughter has been home this week and is leaving in the morning. I'm glad I'm setting a good example for her, too, but tonight I wonder how good that is. She knows. We haven't talked about it; she has enough going on and it's okay for her to let us to deal with it. She was here with her husband in the middle of the last relapse and I was open with them. It's been a really good week overall, but DS's schedule has been thrown off a bit, especially with a big field trip his class took yesterday. Add AH to this --he admitted he was also drinking yesterday-- and the best thing for DS is getting back onto schedule.

And I just realized... DS has his spring concert on Monday night. He's been looking forward to this for a long time. He's been doing well. The binaural beats help him, too. Bedtime's been later than it should be this week, but he's been falling asleep quickly and deeply with listening to the music.

Mango blast

God grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the one I can
And the wisdom to know -
That one is me.

Reading so many good things today including The Heart of Abundance. (currently free)

My focus is on me, on the changes within, on looking at solutions for myself instead of focusing on the problem. Of going beyond logic and finding what's within my heart. Of trusting my instincts.

I am going to live within the moment, within myself, and enjoy today for what it is.

NYCDoglvr

In early recovery (sober two decades) someone said "if you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you have a horse thief". In AA's Big Book Bill Wilson says "drinking was but a symptom ........." of a much bigger problem. The "ism" the counselor refers to is the psyche of alcoholics. We put down the drink but then must learn to deal with selfishness, self-centered fear, grandiosity, enormous ego coupled with low self-esteem and immaturity. In AA we tackle these things with the 12 Steps and therapy; it works and it takes years of hard work to change. I've been sober 22.5 years and still go to meetings and work the steps.

The beauty of Alanon is we learn to put the focus on ourselves and deal with our codependency issues. I hope you can go to Alanon, it saved my sanity (and sobriety).
In the meantime your husband will or won't drink, we learn we're powerless over other people's diseases. We can change ourselves, however, and either accept him or leave for a better life.

Mango blast

Yes, Alanon is important to me. Thanks for the reminders and support!

I have been finding awareness, acceptance and action, each all in their own time, and then again in different ways. It's not trying to work through his end, it's realizing when his end is effecting mine and why... then I turn back to digging deeper on my own recovery. Strangely, even with this, we've both made a lot of progress in the past few months. Whether he continues is up to him. I'm doing well within myself and that is the best gift ever.

inpieces314

I have not had the ABF over at several holidays now, for at least a year and a half. We go to my mother's house. Who knows where he went?

She and I got into an argument over it-she said he didn't care, he was never there, etc. and I told her that was MY choice-I didn't want him making an idiot out of himself (or worse, making an idiot out of me). That was the right thing to do-he had already done several stupid things for a while before that.

And of course, my family is dysfunctional enough-I have enough problems dealing with them without having to babysit him too.