kkrazyflgal

I don't know where to start. I'm not the sort of person who feels comfortable asking for help, but this is bigger than my pride. My 38 year old son is addicted to crack. As I'm sure you know, this makes him very angry and he will strike out at everyone. Everyone that is left to strike out at that is. He has robbed and lied to everyone he comes in contact with including me. I love him more than life itself, but I can't fix him this time, and I guess what I am asking for is the support to get up every morning, because I am not a happy camper anymore. Seems all I get done is looking for help for him and checking in with the only person he is still in contact with to make sure he is still alive and crying. Lots of tears.
He lives in Indiana and I live in Florida so it's been years since I have seen him. Just last fall he was released after 14 years in prison for stealing and trying to sell pot and for being a habitual criminal. In fact he has spent most of his adult life in jail. His father has completely turned his back on him, refusing to even open up any type of communication. His only sister has had it with him and he has cut all communication with her. She asks me daily if I have heard from him, so I know she still worries also. He sends me a daily text that he loves me, and of course I text back that I love him more each day. I have sent him links to facilities and chat rooms, and such where he can get help. I know I cannot do this for him, much as I wish I could, and that he will not get clean until he wants to. In the meantime, I am slowly dying because I can't fix his boo boo anymore. I guess I am just asking for a shoulder to cry on and a pat on my back to reassure me that I'm not the bad mother. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

chicory

I'm so sorry, Krazygal. If its support you want, you will find it here. Some moms here know what you are going through. And all of us care. Its a lonely road, without support.

I am glad you hear from him daily. Its so important that he feels loved. I don't think you are a bad momma. It sounds like you love him very much, and still hold hope that he will take the suggestions you offer, in the way of facilities and chat rooms.

People do recover. Don't give up hope. I wish we could do it for them, but we can't.
Stick around, and know that you are not alone. We understand your heartache, and we care.

best wishes,
chicory

Ann

My adult son is an addict and I know your pain. It breaks our hearts to watch our children self destruct.

What helps me is to pray each morning and give his care to God.

There are a lot of parents here so know that you are among friends who understand.

Hugs

needingabreak

Hi Krazygal and welcome. I too have a TAD. Mine is30 and yes we have shed many a tear. You will go d many who are very caring, compassionate, helpful and very understanding of what you are feeling and going through. You are not a bad mother and this isn't your fault. Your son, like mine, made some bad choices. I find praying helps me a lot. I leave it in God's hands because frankly I don't know what else to do and God knows best. I'm glad your son texts you at least and he knows you love him. I hope someday he asks for help and gets away from the drugs. It is a mother's worst nightmare.

kkrazyflgal

Thank you both, I needed that!
One thing I have started, don't know if it is helping, but he does seem to be opening up a bit more, is I tell him everytime I text him how wonderful a person he is, and how is more precious than the hope diamond, and just things like that.
I refuse to get into anymore arguments with him, and I am not getting sucked into attending his pity partys anymore.
I have so many blessings in my life and I have decided that I am going to focus on them, and hope he sees the light.
He gets off of parole and starts probation later this month. They will be drug testing him once he starts probation so I am hoping this will help him too.
Thank you all again. I just hope I can be as great an inspiration as you have been to me!