Weasel1966

Social media takes a silly saying, a thoughtful adage or an inspirational message and places it front and center. Typically a quick brush off and I am done with it.

It is, after all, an after thought of what we want to project to others ... For me, not to be taken seriously... Or sadly.... In this case ... too seriously.

Social media implies with these in-your-face-statements either a blessing you can share with the poster or clearly points out the deficiencies in your life. It's more derived from the mood I am in at at that moment that makes it inspirational or demotivating. Either way I typically go eh?

I seldom need your approval to make things right or wrong. But I do need my own approval. Hmmm... Maybe that's where my drinking came in?

The quote de jour was "Spend time with the ones you love. One day you will say either "I am glad I did" or "I wish I had."

I have reached a point in my life that I simply don't have any loved ones. I don't have a family...I live alone. I lost the love of my life to addiction in that we aren't together. I lost any close connections I had with people during the decade I drank and drugged.

Life is truly only about the relationships I can make along the way. For me anyway. I don't value money or things. I have both and it is what it is. I am not unappreciative just not fulfilled.

I am not about to sit it out though.... Not by any stretch of the imagination. Can't be in any rush to find what I don't have. Best thing is to simply get out and live life. It will happen naturally.

Trying not to be lonely is like trying to be happy... It just happens when you are busy doing the things you love.

Ken

MIRecovery

One of the challenges I have in sobriety is this whole interpersonal relationship thing. I had shut the world out for so long I didn't know how to interact with the human race.

I am slowly coming to the realization that it is all about giving. In order to have friends I need to be a friend. In order to be loved I have to love. I need to be vulnerable and to go outside my self and expect nothing in return.

I still am pretty bad at this stuff but it is moving in the right direction

Verte

Thanks for adding meaning to this day. That is just beautiful. Thank you.

Hope you are having a nice Friday

**I have been thinking a lot about the differences between abstinence and recovery...this post helps a lot with that inner conversation.

Weasel1966

Thank you MIR! It is about giving! I seem to have forgotten that a bit.

MIRecovery

Friendship and love are earned not given because think I deserving

Coldfusion

Weasel, I was just thinking about you. I was in the kitchen making a cup of coffee, and my sun-catcher crystal was making a rainbow on the wall. The light coming in through the window seems plain, but it is made up of a spectrum of brilliant colors.

You may think you have no loved ones, but in fact your persona is an important part of the spectrum of people in this world. Thank you for being a part of SoberRecovery!

Weasel1966

That was so darn sweet to say Cold! You made my day!

mecanix

Hey Sober brother ,


M

Dee74

What you do have Ken is a thoughtful kind gentle man who has the rest of his life before him...it's an open vista

You will find friends and a hand-picked family again...it's inevitable, my friend

Have a good weekend

D

RylianH

Respect is earned, not given. I'm struggling a lot with this concept at the minute - it feels like having to stay on guard constantly to combat cravings takes away from being able to show those around me that I care about them. This manifests in different ways as well, not just emotionally. I find I spend money in order to distract myself and then I can't afford to go and do certain things at the end of the month. This makes me feel small, and this becomes a trigger.

Sorry if I went off the beaten track a little there, but the effect drinking has on inter-personal relationships is no joke. I'm trying to rebuild mine and have been relapsing the whole time at least once a week, then lying about that, lying to myself and perpetuating a terrible cycle. I am determined not to let that happen again. But reading posts like these makes me realise more and more that we're all in this together.

Ruby2

Hi Ken, thank you for sharing that. I can understand how you are feeling. If you were an airplane I would say that you sound like you're in a holding pattern at the moment. Mulling things over before taking action.

I felt really lonely for a while when I suddenly realized my two closest friends weren't calling so much anymore and it hurt. I had pushed them away by not being a good friend. Not calling them myself. Or flaking out in plans. Not asking how they were doing but instead bombarding them with me, me and more me. I saw myself as how I would appear to others and it hurt. I mourned the loss of my idea of self for a while and how selfish I had been and how hurtful that is to others. I am now gradually rebuilding things I had thought were gone but it is taking time. Maybe you are there?

Your comments and insight are always valuable to me. I hope tomorrow brings a good day.

neferkamichael

Weasel, rootin for ya.

FreeFall

Ken, I think there are cycles where we need to spend time alone to grow. It sounds cliche, but if you're always in the thick of it surrounded by others it's hard to find your own voice.

Somehow I picture you as the guy that ends up working at some kind of shelter for troubled teens and youth. The guy that ends up having a family around him of others involved in the work they do. The kind of thing that starts small and becomes a whole new world before you know it.

I think it's interesting what we respond to in social media-you can learn a lot about yourself by seeing what pushes your buttons, good or bad. I like Pinterest because you can collect those quotes, or things that resonate with you-it tells a lot about what you want more of in your life. It encourages dreaming-we all need that!

Weasel1966

Your responses have moved me. To tears literally. Thank you.

If we could go back in time and do it all over again knowing what we know now many would jump at that chance. I want to think I have that chance. There's a kid still in here and I know there is some growing left to do....

I have learned to expand my definition of family and made a bit firmer my definition of friend.

Ken