MajorTom

Hello, my username refers to the David Bowie song, Space Odyssey. One night, I played it over and over and it made me weep. I thought it felt good to weep, like it was cathartic. But since I kept on weeping, and would play the song only to weep more, eventually when it got real late, I quit playing the song and went to bed. It's such a haunting and beautiful song. I'm pretty sure I was drinking/smoking pot as that has been the norm for much of thirty years.

I quit drinking/smoking pot 11 days ago. I haven't been sober that long in twenty years. I attended AA one time. I've been there in the past, not for long, and to be honest, I went simply for sober companionship. I don't like the religious undertone, though I would call myself a Christian if anyone were to ask. I don't like group worship, I only started going to church lately for companionship.

I know I could fall off the wagon anytime because I understand I have a disease of the mind, just like all of us here do.

I don't think I want to go to AA much. I am not against it, but I simply don't believe God has any influence over our daily lives. We either live our life as a Christian should, or we don't. We either go to heaven or hell, or we don't. I've always tried to live a life like I think a Christian would or should, and look at the bible as a moral guidebook. It's rich with that and is a huge cornerstone for western civilization. And I definitely am happy to be a westerner, things could be a lot worse and I could have been an alien from Mars, instead. Whatever.

My question is, I'm through with pot/alcohol. Is it possible to simply pick yourself up from the table, and simply walk away. And avoid ever sitting at the table again (getting ****** up). I don't want to get ****** up anymore, I am deeply anxious because I have a big hole to crawl out of, and I'm simply not willing to dig it any deeper. Is there such a thing as spontaneous sobriety for some people? I realize it may be at least two years before I am normal, I missed out on a lot of personal growth. A lot of catching up to do.

A little about me- separated from wife for the last few years, not interested in getting back with her, paid off house, unemployed mostly, a little in debt, and have been majorly depressed for a long time. I already, physically, feel the benefits of being sober. Emotionally, I know it's going to take awhile but I prefer to simply walk away from the table, and not obsess too much on it as AA seems to do for me.

I will still attend, but am not interested in getting heavily involved in the program. All the 12 steps I already understand to some degree, and all of it can be found somewhere in the bible. It's nothing really new, just compiled together for the benefit of a lot of people who need help. But I am just not into the "church aspect' of it. Thankyou.

Dee74

Hi Major Tom - welcome

Space Oddity is one of my favorite Bowie songs too
There's an addiction subtext if you want to look for it, for sure


If you listen to the 'sequel' Ashes to Ashes it's even more clear there's a addiction subtext.

It is possible, I think to get recovered without a specific programme - I did, using only this website.
I still had to work hard at it tho - I'm not sure there's ever spontaneous remission.

There certainly wasn't in my case - but I held fast - I was determined to leave addiction behind me and I've been clean and sober for the best part of a decade now, using this website.

Not just reading or posting for myself, but helping others recover too

If you want it, I believe it's possible no matter what path you choose...but it requires a continual commitment IMO.

D

MajorTom

Hi Dee, I am grateful that you are the first person in the history of the universe who has addressed me on the internet in a context that deals with my disease of the mind. I only want to say that the proper title of the song is "Space Odyssey" as in a journey. Many twenty-somethings say Space Oddity, which is odd, but it's really not so odd. It just means I have an idea of your age group. Thankyou, Dee.

MajorTom

I don't want to be guilty of "confirmation bias" where someone is only looking for a "truth" that they've preformulated in their mind, and are only looking to confirm their preconcieved notion on how to get sober. But, it is encouraging that you have gone ten years, while truly remaniing "anonymous" .

MajorTom

I am so happy you responded, when I wake up tomorrow I will check in, I am really glad that there are other people who can totally relate to my struggles with previously loving to get ****** up, even though it did nothing for me, but prevent me from growing up and living a wholesome life.

MajorTom

I won't forget, Dee, you were the very first person! I think I need to go to bed, now, I shouldn't be up this late, it just means I am going to miss part of the day tomorrow trying to get things done, and living another sober day. Yeehaw. I guess. But I'm telling you, I might screw it up, but I've wanted to stop for almost forever. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

Dee74

I think I may be a little more advanced in years than you think Major Tom LOL.
It's good for you I'm not a betting man tho...

It's good to have you with us

D

Dee74

You find lots of helpful and encouraging folks here MajorTom

See you your tomorrow

D

Eddiebuckle

Yes, it is possible. Sobriety has made such an incredibly positive change in my life... I had no idea I was that unhappy. I only wish I had done it when I was younger.

Even though we may walk away, addiction is a lifelong disease which may be in remission, but is always one drink away. As such, whatever you use to break the bond you will likely need to do on some level nearly every single day.

I agree with your observation that God is not going to save us from ourselves, God helps those who help themselves. In this life, pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. How we deal with pain determines whether we suffer. Whether you do it through religion, spirituality, philosophy or habit doesn't much matter - but it doesn't just happen, we have to make the commitment to do what is necessary to stay clean and sober every day.

Good luck Major Tom: the best is yet to come.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR

I am 58. The album and song is Space Oddity. The odyssey is the sober journey you are about to take.

Good luck!

MajorTom

I am on my 18th day of sobriety. I am in touch with an old friend I haven't talked to in twenty years, and spilt the beans about my situation. Scarrrr-reee. Didn't feel judged at all, just really kind of foolish.

Being sober makes me more aware of the problems I have, I am not overwhelmed with cravings I am overwhelmed with what I've been covering up by getting messed up for a long time. On the one hand I feel a lot better physically, and on the other hand, pandora's box has been opened!

Been trying to keep that box closed for a long time. No wonder I liked to get screwed up out of my mind! I'm trying to say that in a humorous way, but I feel like I've jumped out of the frying pan not into the fire, but on some damn hot coals. Sheesh.

I've suffered worse, but I guess I traded one huge problem for an overwhelming set of relatively lesser ones. I guess it wasn't supposed to be easy. Thanks everybody for making me feel not so alone with the "disease of the mind" we all have.

instant

I think most people who sober up have work to do on various aspects of themselves or their social aspects of their existance. I have learnt that it doesnt all have to happen overnight, things can evolve.

As for God, im not sure, but i know i am not the centre of the universe and there is much beyond my control

Mentium

There is evidence around that group support is a help in dealing with addiction. But it isn't essential. I read other evidence which suggests that a large number of people simply quit addictive behaviour off their own backs. Personally I can't do it alone as I can't maintain the resolve, so I go to AA. I don't believe in god either and much of the AA program is simply outdated to my way of thinking, so I sort of translate it into a way of dealing with my demons and hopefully helping me in a therapeutic sort of way.

Ground control..out!

Dee74

Glad you're sticking with it.

Give yourself a little time to get used to things - learning to live sober is a skill and we learn it just like any other.

You'll learn to deal with any other issues in time, too

D

least

Welcome to the family MajorTom. You are not alone in your struggles. Many of us have gone thru similar situations.

I've been sober over four years now using a combination of counseling and daily visits to SR. It works for me.

I hope you'll keep coming back here. There's a lot to learn and a lot of support here.

nullnaught

Only you can decide to drink or not to drink. I had to look within myself to quit.

Mags1

Hi MajorTom, can't stop singing that song now, it will be with me all day.

Welcome to sr, lots of great people here, willing to help and share experiences, has helped and still helping me.

LBrain

Ground control to Major Tom... Your spaceship does know which way to go... But sometimes you have to take the controls.

If you're into Bowie, take a listen to "Changes" The first verse over and over. I relate to it.
I think most of us can.