Need Advice
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Need Advice
I am going to be cryptic, because I don't know who is who here, and one of you may be the person I don't want to know about this (although I highly doubt it).
I have the title to ABF's vehicle. His sister is trying really hard to get her hands on it-she doesn't know I have it. His mother (who is not her mother, that does matter here) wants the vehicle. It is currently in my state, but the mother lives 1200 miles away.
The sister wants the vehicle for some ungodly reason. I don't, whenever I see it, it's hard for me. I don't know why she doesn't feel like that, but whatever.
Anyway. I have tried to call the mother twice, both times before the funeral that they had out there which was like, Monday last week. I have not tried since. The sister is trying really hard. I went to the DMV to report his death so nothing would be issued in his name, and when she said something to me about what if the insurance company has the title number (which is all you need to get a new title online) I literally ran there to make sure they wouldn't give that information.
That doesn't matter anyway, it was insured under MY name, so they won't give it out. But I seriously ran there just in case.
Anyway, this bothers me, big time. When he was alive, they did everything they could to make sure that he couldn't have that vehicle. I was there. He told his mother the same thing, but that really is true, because I was there, I saw it with my own two eyes. So I really don't want her to have it. If the mother wants it, then she can have it, but she needs the title, which I have, but she doesn't know that because she won't call me back.
I have a couple of options. I could just mail it to her, or I could try to call her again, or I could facebook message his brother to tell her to call me so I could mail it to her.
I don't know what to do. Part of me says just let it go, it's not my problem. But no way dude, I am not going to see that thing driving around here with someone else in it and have to explain that to my kids. The sister is not even entitled to it-the state police said I have to wait until she switches it to her name and get her for forgery (which she has already been convicted of). I am trying to do the right thing here. I want no money, I will pay for it to be taken away from here, I will take it to his mother myself, I will crush it up into a million pieces, I don't care. What I do know is that he would be so angry if he knew what they were planning on doing with it right now, and that kills me.
So, what do you guys think I should do?
I have the title to ABF's vehicle. His sister is trying really hard to get her hands on it-she doesn't know I have it. His mother (who is not her mother, that does matter here) wants the vehicle. It is currently in my state, but the mother lives 1200 miles away.
The sister wants the vehicle for some ungodly reason. I don't, whenever I see it, it's hard for me. I don't know why she doesn't feel like that, but whatever.
Anyway. I have tried to call the mother twice, both times before the funeral that they had out there which was like, Monday last week. I have not tried since. The sister is trying really hard. I went to the DMV to report his death so nothing would be issued in his name, and when she said something to me about what if the insurance company has the title number (which is all you need to get a new title online) I literally ran there to make sure they wouldn't give that information.
That doesn't matter anyway, it was insured under MY name, so they won't give it out. But I seriously ran there just in case.
Anyway, this bothers me, big time. When he was alive, they did everything they could to make sure that he couldn't have that vehicle. I was there. He told his mother the same thing, but that really is true, because I was there, I saw it with my own two eyes. So I really don't want her to have it. If the mother wants it, then she can have it, but she needs the title, which I have, but she doesn't know that because she won't call me back.
I have a couple of options. I could just mail it to her, or I could try to call her again, or I could facebook message his brother to tell her to call me so I could mail it to her.
I don't know what to do. Part of me says just let it go, it's not my problem. But no way dude, I am not going to see that thing driving around here with someone else in it and have to explain that to my kids. The sister is not even entitled to it-the state police said I have to wait until she switches it to her name and get her for forgery (which she has already been convicted of). I am trying to do the right thing here. I want no money, I will pay for it to be taken away from here, I will take it to his mother myself, I will crush it up into a million pieces, I don't care. What I do know is that he would be so angry if he knew what they were planning on doing with it right now, and that kills me.
So, what do you guys think I should do?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
I think you should just do nothing right now. There's no rush. You obviously have a lot you are going through with your grief and you need to give that time. Spending so much time and energy worrying about a vehicle is pointless. I think you are stressing too much about this vehicle right now, and I hope you are also doing things to take care of yourself during this difficult time.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by LBrain 
Donate it to wounded warriors.
Someone who really needs it can have the use of it this way.
If the family tried to keep him for having it, why would you give it to them now?
It sounds like you are obsessing about managing things relating to him again.
Be careful and take care of yourself
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The sister (who is here) tried to keep him from having it. She is the one I DON'T want to have it.
The mother (who is out there) also wants it. It's her right, legally. She is the one I am talking about-who I want to send the title to.
I can't donate it to anyone. It's not mine. I tried to get it impounded (no plates, no registration) but the police wouldn't even come get it.
The mother (who is out there) also wants it. It's her right, legally. She is the one I am talking about-who I want to send the title to.
I can't donate it to anyone. It's not mine. I tried to get it impounded (no plates, no registration) but the police wouldn't even come get it.
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I think you need to be conscientious of what your own problems could be if you forge anything including a donation of the vehicle.
What to do?
You need to find out what the laws are in your state regarding someone dying intestate. I would assume all if his property would go to his CHILD not his parents. From there you should be able to legally transfer the title to you as custodian of your child and do with it what you wish.
What to do?
You need to find out what the laws are in your state regarding someone dying intestate. I would assume all if his property would go to his CHILD not his parents. From there you should be able to legally transfer the title to you as custodian of your child and do with it what you wish.
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I'm not at all sure how probate works where you are, inpieces. Is your late husband's name on the title, or his parents' names, or your name?
If it was in his name, legally as his wife, it most likely belongs to you now by the laws in your state
. If you would prefer his parents have it, you will probably need to sign it over to one of them. Perhaps the DMV can help you with that since you don't live in the same area. If you mail the title to them, make sure to do so return-receipt or by Fedex or some other delivery service that where you can specify the identity of the signer.
I'm just so sorry you are still dealing with all of this!
If it was in his name, legally as his wife, it most likely belongs to you now by the laws in your state
. If you would prefer his parents have it, you will probably need to sign it over to one of them. Perhaps the DMV can help you with that since you don't live in the same area. If you mail the title to them, make sure to do so return-receipt or by Fedex or some other delivery service that where you can specify the identity of the signer.I'm just so sorry you are still dealing with all of this!
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We weren't married. So it's not mine. Although it would not be difficult at this point to forge his name and mail it to them so they can do whatever they want. But, that is against the law (which is bad for a future lawyer) and he owed the DMV like $5000 in fines, which is why it was never put in my name when I got the title in the first place, because they would be transferred to my name as well.
I went to the register of wills to register an estate. The problem is, since the mother will not speak to me, I will have to go through court to do it. I will still get it though, because she doesn't live here and because the sister is a felon, so she can't do it. And because I have power of attorney from a while ago, and everything he owns, even though we weren't living together, so that proves he trusted me, right?
I don't want to do it this way. But going through the DMV would be a good idea, I didn't think about that. I was going to Priority Express Overnight it, but I didn't want her to like, throw it away without opening it when she saw it came from this state. That's kind of expensive.
I went to the register of wills to register an estate. The problem is, since the mother will not speak to me, I will have to go through court to do it. I will still get it though, because she doesn't live here and because the sister is a felon, so she can't do it. And because I have power of attorney from a while ago, and everything he owns, even though we weren't living together, so that proves he trusted me, right?
I don't want to do it this way. But going through the DMV would be a good idea, I didn't think about that. I was going to Priority Express Overnight it, but I didn't want her to like, throw it away without opening it when she saw it came from this state. That's kind of expensive.
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Perhaps the Power of Attorney will go a long way toward smoothing this path for you. I think the folks at the DMV will have seen something like this before and be able to help. I hope registering his will can go smoothly, too, since you do have PoA.
I know this is taking quite a bit of time, and hope you can take a few breaks now and then when you need them!
I know this is taking quite a bit of time, and hope you can take a few breaks now and then when you need them!
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Well when the sister was hunting around yesterday for it, I said, "At least nothing can happen to it if no one else has the title."
I really think my best bet is to talk to the mother. At this rate I am about to drive the 20 hours just to give it to her. I don't want to call and leave a message because there are like 8 people in that house that use that phone, so I honestly don't even know if she knows I ever did call her in the first place.
I don't know. But I do know, the sister can't get anywhere without that title number, and that does buy me a little time to figure out what I am going to do.
I really think my best bet is to talk to the mother. At this rate I am about to drive the 20 hours just to give it to her. I don't want to call and leave a message because there are like 8 people in that house that use that phone, so I honestly don't even know if she knows I ever did call her in the first place.
I don't know. But I do know, the sister can't get anywhere without that title number, and that does buy me a little time to figure out what I am going to do.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by inpieces314
Well when the sister was hunting around yesterday for it, I said, "At least nothing can happen to it if no one else has the title."
I really think my best bet is to talk to the mother. At this rate I am about to drive the 20 hours just to give it to her. I don't want to call and leave a message because there are like 8 people in that house that use that phone, so I honestly don't even know if she knows I ever did call her in the first place.
I don't know. But I do know, the sister can't get anywhere without that title number, and that does buy me a little time to figure out what I am going to do.
I really think my best bet is to talk to the mother. At this rate I am about to drive the 20 hours just to give it to her. I don't want to call and leave a message because there are like 8 people in that house that use that phone, so I honestly don't even know if she knows I ever did call her in the first place.
I don't know. But I do know, the sister can't get anywhere without that title number, and that does buy me a little time to figure out what I am going to do.
You may regret pushing this.
Let it rest for awhile. Family is in acute grief right now just like you are, and things may be said or done that cannot later be unsaid.
Mail it if you must resolve it and put the DMV as return address. Beyond that, not your problem anymore.
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Are you the Executor of the Estate? Or waiting for the courts to appoint you based on the POA? My understanding is that the POA is power over the person only, so it ceases to be of value in terms of dealing with the disposition of property after the person is deceased. It would be the Executor that has the onus of liquidating assets for the estate unless he specifically willed the car to his mother.
But I'm no attorney - it's just the way I've seen it play out for clients.
But I'm no attorney - it's just the way I've seen it play out for clients.
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I agree, just mail it and move on. The mother does not want to speak to you, right or wrong. You cannot control that.
I am so sorry. What a horrible thing you are going through. I totally agree w/Hawkeye above.
How are YOU doing??
I am so sorry. What a horrible thing you are going through. I totally agree w/Hawkeye above.
How are YOU doing??
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Illinois
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Sending all the positive energy I can your way; don't let the details get in the way of your grieving & healing; I agree with most of the others here. Mail it & get it off your plate.
Since others live in the house, you may want to send it registered mail with a return receipt. Then you are (hopefully!) assured the right person got it & have proof you didn't keep it in the event someone in the family gets vindictive.
Best wishes to you.
Since others live in the house, you may want to send it registered mail with a return receipt. Then you are (hopefully!) assured the right person got it & have proof you didn't keep it in the event someone in the family gets vindictive.
Best wishes to you.
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He had no will. The estate would be his last paycheck and the vehicle, not worth much, maybe $2000, and most of that is the paycheck. That is how worthless the car is.
I can have the mother consent for me to be the local agent, but she would have to speak to me first. And these things take forever, but not that I care, it would just go where it needs to go. Apparently the money would go toward funeral expenses. I am fine with that, I want no money out of this, I just want to do the right thing.
And since she will not consent, I have to go through court, which will open a can of worms with the sister that I am not trying to open. Normally I wouldn't care, I don't like her anyway, but I just don't have the strength right now.
I can have the mother consent for me to be the local agent, but she would have to speak to me first. And these things take forever, but not that I care, it would just go where it needs to go. Apparently the money would go toward funeral expenses. I am fine with that, I want no money out of this, I just want to do the right thing.
And since she will not consent, I have to go through court, which will open a can of worms with the sister that I am not trying to open. Normally I wouldn't care, I don't like her anyway, but I just don't have the strength right now.
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Originally Posted by inpieces314
He had no will. The estate would be his last paycheck and the vehicle, not worth much, maybe $2000, and most of that is the paycheck. That is how worthless the car is.
I can have the mother consent for me to be the local agent, but she would have to speak to me first. And these things take forever, but not that I care, it would just go where it needs to go. Apparently the money would go toward funeral expenses. I am fine with that, I want no money out of this, I just want to do the right thing.
And since she will not consent, I have to go through court, which will open a can of worms with the sister that I am not trying to open. Normally I wouldn't care, I don't like her anyway, but I just don't have the strength right now.
I can have the mother consent for me to be the local agent, but she would have to speak to me first. And these things take forever, but not that I care, it would just go where it needs to go. Apparently the money would go toward funeral expenses. I am fine with that, I want no money out of this, I just want to do the right thing.
And since she will not consent, I have to go through court, which will open a can of worms with the sister that I am not trying to open. Normally I wouldn't care, I don't like her anyway, but I just don't have the strength right now.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
So mail the title to the mother and walk away. You need to care for yourself now--
How are you and your sons doing today?
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I guess the kids are doing alright.
But now that you mention it, I had to go to court today for what would have been a child support hearing. I couldn't even talk. I was absolutely devastated-the poor lawyer did all the talking for me (he is not my lawyer-so that is odd) and they had to continue the case because the DNA results aren't in yet-and he didn't even make me stay for a subpoena.
I had a discussion with my parents. I am moving away, I have been here my whole life, I have wanted to leave my whole life, and this clinched it for me. So I am moving to the state where his mother lives (and of course, where he is buried) although very far away from them. There is a law school there that I was looking at last summer, and he was supposed to go with me. But now, even though I have to go by myself, I don't care-I can't be here anymore. My parents are mad-stay here, don't take the kids away, blah blah blah. They even offered to buy me a house. I don't care. I am in school to be a prosecutor, and there is no way in hell that I am going to work for the same people who couldn't be bothered to help him when he needed it. I don't care.
They go on and on that I will have no support there (well, I don't have much here anyway, the way I see it, no one even gives a damn what is going on with me right now), and no one to help me with the kids (well, sorry, but ABF was the one who did that, and he's not going to be here any more than he's not going to be there).
I don't care about much anymore. Seriously, like I said to my parents, you know how bargaining is one of the stages of grief? I KNOW that nothing I do will make this better, so I will just do nothing.
Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I am just very tired of defending myself to people. This is MY life.
But now that you mention it, I had to go to court today for what would have been a child support hearing. I couldn't even talk. I was absolutely devastated-the poor lawyer did all the talking for me (he is not my lawyer-so that is odd) and they had to continue the case because the DNA results aren't in yet-and he didn't even make me stay for a subpoena.
I had a discussion with my parents. I am moving away, I have been here my whole life, I have wanted to leave my whole life, and this clinched it for me. So I am moving to the state where his mother lives (and of course, where he is buried) although very far away from them. There is a law school there that I was looking at last summer, and he was supposed to go with me. But now, even though I have to go by myself, I don't care-I can't be here anymore. My parents are mad-stay here, don't take the kids away, blah blah blah. They even offered to buy me a house. I don't care. I am in school to be a prosecutor, and there is no way in hell that I am going to work for the same people who couldn't be bothered to help him when he needed it. I don't care.
They go on and on that I will have no support there (well, I don't have much here anyway, the way I see it, no one even gives a damn what is going on with me right now), and no one to help me with the kids (well, sorry, but ABF was the one who did that, and he's not going to be here any more than he's not going to be there).
I don't care about much anymore. Seriously, like I said to my parents, you know how bargaining is one of the stages of grief? I KNOW that nothing I do will make this better, so I will just do nothing.
Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I am just very tired of defending myself to people. This is MY life.
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