Holly84

I have been with my spouse for 2 years. I have a daughter from prev relationship and he does as well. We took things really fast, he moved in with me. 2 months later i found out i was pregnant. everthing was going really good. Then i went threw his phone one day and found out the he was using drugs suboxone and pain pills. He had told me he used drugs before but he had been clean for two years. So i told him that he needed to get help. He said he was going to go to counseling turns out he had started going to a suboxone clinic. I was nice about it at first, and told him that i would go to meeting with him whatever it took to help him, i was willing to help. He said that he didnt need help that he only took it for energy and that he would quit. I would think things was going good for a while and would find drugs in the house. or in his pocket hide everywhere. Our electric got cut off the day before we were bringing our daughter home from the hospital and his mom had to go par the bill. The day we brought or daughter home from the hospital i found a bag of suboxone in his pocket. I even found them and hide them one time. He would'nt buy food, diapers or anything, and then searched the whole house and found them in the vent. My mother was a crack addict and my father was a drunk, so i know a lil about drug addicts. All i wanted growing up was to get away from them and live a good life, and raise my kids the best i could in a good drug free enviroment. He was shooting up oxys or anything he could get his hands on before we got together. I know hes came along way, but what bothers me is he acts like he doesnt have a problem and there nothing wrong with what hes doing. at the same time hes cried to me and told me that he doesnt even like doing drugs. Ive also caught him cheating a few times, not physical that i know of but even found him posting ads on craigslist with naked pics. Every time i think hes doing good i find out that hes not. Hes always lying and hiding things. Ive got to the point where i somedays i hate him and cant stand to be around him. I dont understand how someone with such a good family and upbringing can ruin there life and be so stupid. I love him i really do, i just dont know what to do anymore. The only other support i have is my dad, and he lives 12 hours away. I know if i leave and take the kids, that thats not going to help him either, because he threatens me that hell go back to the way he was and im the only thing that keeps him going me and our kids. Any advice??

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you here to SR.

He is the way he was, already. He's an active addict. How's that going to change if you leave?

My advice is to think about the welfare of your children. What happens if they find some of these hidden pills somewhere and swallow it?

Holly84

Ive asked him that same question. Its just so hard to know when hes lying or not, and I want my family together just not the way it is.

Txhelp

He's an active addict-he's lying!

He isn't in the right mind to mind a marriage, child, job, etc. He is using and the drug is most important thing in his life. It's such a crappy, harsh statement. I hate it!

I hate what drugs do to families.....so sorry this is happening in your life.

He won't be able to keep promises and is only done when he's done.

You have to figure out what you have NOW and if it's something that you are willing to live with much longer....

hopeful4

He is an addict. He is caught up in his true love, the drug. As TX said, only you can decide how long to stay w/him. You cannot make him well no matter what you do. It's toxic to you and your children to stay in that environment, you, and they, deserve more.

Good Luck and God Bless!

incitingsilence

Has he really come a long way or is he just better at hiding it? We do teach them so well through every reaction and they just become smarter and know what to do and or say to keep us placated.

The way he was is the way he is. He is an addict period.

If you removed the using would any of his behavior be acceptable to you?

The only thing keeping him going now is the next fix. There isn't going to be much time to think of anything else. And he may not be lying about not getting high anymore, he could be using to maintain, meaning not be in wd and feel somewhat normal. That happens with opiates.

Don’t lose your dream, if it was to live a life without drugs in it then, find that. Do you want your children to grow up looking for that same dream to go on and repeat what you are now?

Take good care of you.

inpieces314

One time, my neighbors were really big into drugs. They have twins the same age as my son.

Long story short, they had a kitten that was fine one day, and then was dead under the bed the next day. All I could think of was what if that was one of the kids?

needingabreak

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Know that ALL drug users lie to get what they want and all they care about is getting their drug. Your child needs to come first and is the most important thing. What do you get out of staying with him?

Holly84

When I met him I had been single for around two years. Completely single. I had my little girl, and he was my boss at work well he was the kitchen manager, I worked in the front of the house. I was lonely, I moved to tn from fl and didn't have any friends. He was there for me. He was the only person I could talk to and fell myself with. He was my best friend, and in my heart I just want it back that way. I completely isolated my self from everybody. Hes the only person I have.

Holly84

its hard to s

Holly84

its hard to see someone you love live this way, when life is so much more

Yogagurl

Hello -

I am very sorry for your circumstances and am even more sorry you have become emotionally involved to someone who uses drugs when you stated in your original post you wanted to create a life for yourself that does not include drugs and alcohol.

He may have come a long way, but if he is lying about his use and isn't owning up to the responsibilities of taking care of his children, or the household, then not only is he lying, he is dead weight and you are carrying him around on your coat tail.

I didn't get to this statement before I started commenting on this post; I don't care if you caught him red handed in bed with another woman or not, if he is posting nude photos, it is a huge red flag. He may be cheating and be super sneaky about the whole thing, which would make you in danger of contracting a STD if you are sexually active. You better hit the ground running. Anyone who is in a relationship and posts nude photos of themselves on the internet, in a text, WHATEVER is pond scum!!

KariSue

If his mouth is moving he is lying. Sorry to be so blunt, but they all do it. Trust your gut. You know what you know.

Kari

AlexThedude

urine tests and ultimatum?

chicory

Holly,

You and your children do not have to live this life. You know how miserable you were as a child? You want better for them and for yourself. This means you have a lot going for you, in that you know what matters in this world... your happiness, your safety, and peace of mind. and that of your babies.

It might be hard, but living alone, with peace is better than carrying him around on your back, with no peace. That will take away that spark of hope, your dream of a happy life for your children and yourself.

Gather up your strength girl. I know you have it. You developed it long ago, as a child who had no say in what happened to her, but knew she would be different.

He is living in the gutter, and does not seem to care yet.

take care of you. you are worth so so much more.

there is life after divorce. laughter, peace, fun, contentment, dreams, good memories, goals, happy children, who will be proud of their mom for loving herself and them enough to step out in faith-believing that you are all you need.

BlueBones

Detach with love. You can do this, for yourself and your children. Hoping for easier times soon.