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I want 2 get off the merry go round!!

Old 05-08-2014, 01:04 AM
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I want 2 get off the merry go round!!

I am sat in my bed in tears as I write this!!! Hungover, tired, been sick!!! I can't keep living like this, I'm not even living it's like I'm surviving!!!! But on those evenings I have my Bacardi and cola I feel so happy, energised, confident and like I'm a really fun person!!! Rewind to yesturday tea time I was facing my 3rd night alcohol free and I felt miserable tired and depressed!!! I didn't want to move out my bed!
I started drinking too much at 18 when my mum died, my dad before dying at 42 drank every night! Before passing away my mum told me she too started to get hooked to alcohol so she just abstained for the last 25 years of her life!!!
I don't know who I am anymore, I have 4 gorgeous children, my daughter starts her gcse's on Monday!!! And I know she's worrying about me, cos I can't go more than 2 nights without a drink!!!
I want to be happy confident and good fun and I don't want to be a slave to drink anymore... But can we really truly have it all?????
Xxxxxxx
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Old 05-08-2014, 01:07 AM
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I so feel for you - I am so sad today. Yesterday was Day 17 sober and I drank last night. My son is finishing his schooling too this year. I'm desperate
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Old 05-08-2014, 01:15 AM
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You can get sober. You can break the cycle. But it takes change, and it often takes more support than SR can provide. Are you doing everything you can to beat this? Or have you rejected some of the help you could be seeking? AA? addiction counseling? Rehab?
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Old 05-08-2014, 01:22 AM
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Good morning Banana and alcohol.....Yes we can have it all, it does take work though as it takes work to raise children, take the time to go get our alcohol, or even taking the time to plan out when to drink. I am very glad both of you are here. The Key for me is to let people know how I am feeling, remembering what got me here, and again, talking to people.

It may seen tough at the beginning which it is, it almost like looking at how long it took us to get where we are today, we cant completely change things in 2 night or 6 days....it will take longer and it's so beautiful as each day rolls by and the restless nights subside and out attitudes start returning to sanity!

Just a little about how I felt, hope it helps and I hope both of ya give it another go at sobriety. You can REALLY have it all!!!

Matt
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:30 AM
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Originally Posted by bananacake View Post
But can we really truly have it all????? Xxxxxxx
Yes. I had it all once when I was clean for 5 years. I felt free. I'm a long way from that now but I want to get back there again. But def YES you can it depends on how bad you really want it
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:44 AM
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In the past ive used alcohol to try to mask my feelings about myself and to try to boost confidence. It didnt help though, it just left me addicted to alcohol and a sloppy drunk, who became.more beligerant with time. You seem the farthest from a boring person. it will just take time to get comfortable feeling sober, and counseling could help you sort your feelings out.
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Old 05-08-2014, 03:50 AM
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Hi Banana and alcohol, yes you can do it.
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Old 05-08-2014, 04:02 AM
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Aren't you curious what you are like without alcohol? The reality is that it will take time; possibly a few weeks for you to withdraw from alcohol and to physically and mentally feel back on your game again. It sounds like you picked up your drinking habits from a family member. Do you want your children to do the same? Be strong and show them that you can do this! You ARE stronger than you think!
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Old 05-08-2014, 04:30 AM
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Originally Posted by bananacake View Post
Rewind to yesturday tea time I was facing my 3rd night alcohol free and I felt miserable tired and depressed!!! I didn't want to move out my bed!
Alcohol causes that.

In response to chronic alcohol consumption the brain starts over-producing anxiety-inducing chemicals. You take the booze away, but the brain continues to over-produce the anxiety-inducing chemicals. It takes (on average, we are all different) 60-90 days of abstinence before the brain restores it's natural hedonic setpoint.

Drinking might bring you a few hours of relief, but it also dooms you to greater misery later. It is the problem that masquerades as the solution.

You can feel good sober, but you have to make it through to the other side.

It. Is. Totally. Worth. It.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:08 AM
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You have to gut through some tough first weeks. You have to face emotions you have stuffed for a long time. It is not easy, but it is very much worth it.

I am a mother of four, too. My mother has become a full-blown alcoholic. Last Mother's Day, she showed up to a brunch in her honor so wasted, she fell into a potted plant. I had to spend my mother's day explaining to my children that their grandmother is an alcoholic. I vowed that day, that my children would never, ever have to worry about an event like that in their lives, regarding me being drunk. The only way I can guarantee that promise is to not drink.

I have been sober going on eight months. Is every day balloons and flowers and ease and love and peace? No. But every day, is full and healthy and dignified and connected to God and others. It is real and I can look myself in the mirror knowing that I am trying my absolute best for myself and my children, whom I chose to bore.

You can do this!!
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