keeper of keys

Hello everyone. I am new to this community. I am 46 and have struggled with drugs all my life. Cocaine is my doc and is also my gateway straight to hell. It has taken a lot from me over the years, and after my latest divorce, I just continue to relapse about once or twice a week. After a 5 year clean from C run. And pot, oh man, I love weed. And now that I discovered vaporizers, it just makes it all better. It's funny, pot has never been the problem for me. It's the coke. Oh and I am ADHD, and tend to go to extremes. I am a crazy nut right now, I lost my dignity, again. But I can get it back. I know I can.

krete77

Sounds like you love your drugs.

However, you posted on a sober website which leads me to believe you want to stop.


I wish you the best in your recovery and sincerely hope you stop for good.

Good luck my man.

least

Welcome to SR. I you want to recover from drug abuse, you're in the right place. There's lots of support here.

keeper of keys

Yes I do want to stop. I am sick. Depressed , and alone. As I said I did have 5 years clean from coke. I loved my wife that much that I didn't need it anymore. I have always used pot and really don't know how to even begin to stop that. I really just want to kick the coke

LBrain

welcome keeper, one thing I have learned from reading here is that it is all or none.
addiction is addiction is addiction...
giving up the C and keeping the W is by no means a sure fire solution. altered states is altered states. if you keep the tch eventually Mr C will make it back into your life.
my 2 cents.

keeper of keys

I'm sure your right. Is it possible to just smoke weed, and nothing else? Anyone? How do you stop using pot after 35 years? I am 46 now and feel like I need the weed to calm my nervs. I am a foreman in the carpenters union and have ridiculously stressful days and love my vape when I get home. I don't know how to stop

LBrain

you started smoking pot at 11 years old? how did you ever make it through school? or did you start banging nails at 14?

Dee74

Hi Keeper of Keys

No experience with coke but I stopped using weed after 30 years.

Don't you get tired of the fatigue, the zoning out, of doing nothing?

Or the gnawing need for a cone, the panic when you run out...the hunting around in the carpet for crumbs?

I chose my drugs over my partner twice. Lost two careers as well.

I wanted to escape my life and myself.

I'd fix one addiction only to fall into another.
Sounds like you might be in the same bind?

D

Seanfox

I used to 'love' weed, but it's all part of the addiction trick. You don't need it, it makes you think that it helps your anxieties, keeps you calm, makes you more creative etc. when I stopped it felt like I'd been living in a cloud and it was great to get out. It's like you see the world in HD when you stop and after a few weeks you feel more alive and full of energy. Personally I don't think using weed is such a good idea after quitting one addiction, it didn't work for me anyhow... It goes around in circles.

keeper of keys

My mistake. I started smoking weed at 15. After graduating high school went right to work for my pop as a carpenter. Was not union back then..

keeper of keys

Yes. I can't lie. I just don't know how to stop pot. But to be honest, I don't get tired of pot. I don't look for crumbs on the floor never did. And i never really ran out as a always kept a nice backup stash. My thinking is surely skewed, as I usually believe it keeps me level headed. And it relieves major anxiety. I have always delt with worry and anxiety and it does calm my nervs. I am full blowm ADHD very hyper all my life. Hard to concentrate, read etc. I rock in a rocking chair whenever I'm sitting. Never took medication and don't intend to now at this age. I will listen to any advice. I am lost somewhere not sure who I even am at times.

Dee74

Well my advice is to think about getting free of all your chains...why go through the hard yards of kicking coke only to keep smoking weed?

If nothing else, weed never made my resolve to stay clean and sober stronger and it did nothing for my common sense either.

I was terrified of reality...but when I actually faced it it wasn't that bad.

I spent a lot of time in a kind of prolonged adolescence...now I'm the man I always wanted to be - I think that was a more than fair trade

D

Wastinglife

Hi Keeper, I got diagnosed with ADHD at age 34 while I was in rehab for booze. Smoked a lot weed and snorted enough coke to make Tony Montana gasp too. I was given meds for the ADHD and my cravings for everything else disappeared.

Drugs like Ritalin are actually very similar in chemical make-up to cocaine. Hence why it's called "kiddie coke". Many undiagnosed/untreated ADHD sufferers self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. It is a neurobiologcal disorder that affects your brain's reward system and levels of dopamine. You are artificially raising your dopamine with the drugs.

I haven't touched coke or weed since I was put on adhd prescription meds and the quality of my life has improved drastically. I suggest you at least talk to a doctor about your ADHD.

keeper of keys

I have been suggested in the past by 2 doctors, one was my therapist, that Ritalin would benefit me greatly. I was always stubborn and said I don't need or want it. Maybe I do need to look at my ADHD more seriously. Do you find yourself not acting as others? What I mean is...how can I put this, I am unique. Now on the job, my ADHD benefits me because I run around fast and get stuff done. But my home life, I exchaust myself. Since I wAs a kid, always rocking, can't sit still, can't read a book and relax. So yes I have been self medicating. I hear you and very much appreciate the advice.

Mountainmanbob

Hope that in time
you will have the true desire
to be clean and sober
most of us former drunks and addicts
truly enjoy this
after a lifetime of suffering
not to mention
what we did to others
MM

topspin

Yea , ,,,,this , this right here ^,
...that thinking just about killed me.

I think it's a benefit , in a way , to quit more than one drug,
As a kid, I was pretty much bullet proof , but later booze and weed were my addiction.


Booze just about killed me , but I went ahead and quit Booze and weed at the same time , ....I figure weed to be a sort of circuit breaker, ....actually I quit all processed sugar , not only for the long term benefits , but also as a circuit breaker.

Gives me a little heads up , something's not right , so to speak .

keeper , ....you're not unique, man. I get where where you're coming from . I started , like you , at 14 working for my Uncle hanging rock, and eventually worked commercial carpentry jobs , and later operated a Glass Co.
.....You know how the workman's comp runs just under steelworkers for that , ....and the reasons why.

Dr Topspin , always in the house . Who knows better than him how to cope , what's always going on inside , huh ?

Think about it keeper , think about the circuit breaker idea , it works , it works for me , anyway.

It can for you too.

You're sittin' in a sweet spot man , ...you got a chance to grab hold of a life second to none.

Welcome to SR , this place saved my *ss.

...it can for you too

Weaver

We all start somewhere

wackybunny

Coke was never my doc so I can't speak to that part of your battle. Well done for tackling it! Weed, well I stopped smoking it after 22 years of daily use and my anxiety was reduced about 90%. I used to think it helped with anxiety too but it turns out that was one big fat lie my addiction told me in order to keep smoking it. Weed was causing most of mine. It got worse before it got better but it did get better, after several weeks. I clearly remember that during withdrawal I convinced myself I had an anxiety disorder and weed was the only thing holding me together all those years, was fearful of a breakdown without it. Then the miracle happened and I broke through to the other side and all the stress of life seemed more manageable. Yes I'm lucky but I also worked really hard at my recovery this time.