i need some advice

Old 05-07-2014, 01:40 PM
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i need some advice

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. About 5 months in i started to realize he had some type of addiction, I just wasn't sure exactly what it was. I grew up around addiction. My dad was an alcoholic/crack addict and my brothers (twins) who are two years younger than i am are heroin addicts. It wasn't always easy but in the past few years I've spent a lot of time learning about addicts and my views have completely changed. I see the person the addict was meant to be. So when I realized my boyfriend was struggling, I knew I had to let him come to me. I said things to him that let him know I would be there for him no matter what and that he could trust me. Eventually, he did come to me.
Two weeks ago he looked at me and just said "i need your help" I was so happy he was finally opening up. It turns out, before we started dating, he had been abusing percs and and sometimes sniffing heroin when he couldn't find pills. Around the time we started dating he switched to suboxone. He buys a script off a guy he met every month and takes it as it would be prescribed. He was so ashamed to tell me this. He thinks so awful of himself. I told him he could get a prescription and start getting weened off of it. We looked up a bunch of places and we decided that after his parents took their yearly vacation we would tell them together and we would get him in the right direction.
His parents left on Saturday and will be back this coming sunday. He broke up with me 2 days ago. He told me I didn't deserve someone like him and that I was too good for him. I told him I wanted to be there for him through the good and bad and that I wanted to help him see the amazing guy that I see when I look at him. He has always been good to me. I mean, we have had fights but he always made me feel loved. He works a full time job that he's had for years and always shows up and does what he's supposed to do. It hurts so much that he broke up with me. He says he still loves and cared about me but I shouldn't be with him.
I guess I'm basically trying to figure out if this is just an excuse to leave me or if hes being genuine. Like I said I have experience with addicts and i know how they lie and manipulate people. I never saw that side of Chris. To me, he's lucky because he has the strength to continue suboxone and not be doing heroin still. But thats because I have seen my brothers as heroin addicts, stealing from me and lying all the time. Now Im just confused. Do you think he's just scared of taking that first step towards recovery and breaking up with me really for "my own good" ? Or do you think he's just sick of having to fake wanting to get clean so he broke up with me? And if he is just scared, how do I get him back to that positive mindset he had just 2 weeks ago?
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Old 05-07-2014, 02:04 PM
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Jessilynn, I don't know the answers to those questions, but I am glad you are here. There are many here who have experience in this, and can give you helpful input.

I hope things work out for you. and that he gets help.
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Old 05-07-2014, 02:35 PM
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just let him be

Originally Posted by jessilynn712 View Post

He broke up with me 2 days ago.
being a guy I would say that
it is not a good idea to chase a man after he has said that we are broken up
truly it is the best -- to just let him be
do not seem to be needy for him in any way
usually if it's the real thing
he in time will come back with his tail between his legs

just my point of view from up top the mountain

MM
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Old 05-07-2014, 02:59 PM
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I can answer this because I was in the same exact situation, but I was the guy addicted to pills, sniffing heroin and buying scripts from friends. I was, like your boyfriend, ashamed of myself… truly. I was a college kid who had a privileged upbringing but unfortunately chose my friends unwisely and started "experimenting" with drugs. A few years later I was doing pain pill every day, and snorting heroin whenever I could get my hands on it. I lost my grandfather, who was like a father to me and this launched me into a state of depression that also fueled my drug addiction. Everything became worse! I too told my girlfriend that I thought she could do much better than me because I felt like a junkie. I really felt depressed all the time, partly because of the chemical changes my body was going though, due to my abuse of opiates. I finally got help and I have been sober now for 9 months! I'm still with my girlfriend and we are getting married in september. My life came back together once I got help.

So, I don't think your boyfriend wants to break up with you. From what I've read and understood from you, it seems like this is just a subliminal cry for help. I think he needs you now, more than ever. As I said, I got help… but only because I had a strong woman by my side who helped me, encouraged me and stayed on my back! lol.

I hope I was of some help Jessilyn :-)

Michael
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Old 05-07-2014, 05:27 PM
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I do believe he is doing you a favor and I would take this as a blessing and try to move on.

It doesn’t seem as if he is ready and no one can predict when he will be, if ever. And while I think it is good to not see just another junkie, the fracturing of an addict, splitting them into the person they could be instead of who they are in the moment is a dangerous practice. He is an addict, and even on the sub, he is still displaying addict behaviors, all that driving the bus...

He can’t commit to you now, he must commit to himself. He is no good for you in his present state, and he may not be not using either. You don’t know the real him, and you won't until he starts doing instead of talking...

As I read what you wrote I think I hope she can forgo relationships and just take care of herself for right now. That may seen harsh but your life has been so surrounded with addiction and who do you fall in love with, an addict. This isn’t really good. Think of your life watching your father, watching your brothers, do you want or need to repeat that in your own life ... Don't you deserve better? Don't you want better than the chaos and confusion addiction brings?
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Old 05-07-2014, 05:43 PM
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Originally Posted by bankerkid801 View Post
I can answer this because I was in the same exact situation, but I was the guy addicted to pills, sniffing heroin and buying scripts from friends. I was, like your boyfriend, ashamed of myself… truly. I was a college kid who had a privileged upbringing but unfortunately chose my friends unwisely and started "experimenting" with drugs. A few years later I was doing pain pill every day, and snorting heroin whenever I could get my hands on it. I lost my grandfather, who was like a father to me and this launched me into a state of depression that also fueled my drug addiction. Everything became worse! I too told my girlfriend that I thought she could do much better than me because I felt like a junkie. I really felt depressed all the time, partly because of the chemical changes my body was going though, due to my abuse of opiates. I finally got help and I have been sober now for 9 months! I'm still with my girlfriend and we are getting married in september. My life came back together once I got help.

So, I don't think your boyfriend wants to break up with you. From what I've read and understood from you, it seems like this is just a subliminal cry for help. I think he needs you now, more than ever. As I said, I got help… but only because I had a strong woman by my side who helped me, encouraged me and stayed on my back! lol.

I hope I was of some help Jessilyn :-)

Michael
Michael congratulations on 9 months !! and an upcoming wedding!!

My husband pulled away from me at the beginning of his treatment too. There were multiple factors. He felt horrible about himself, insecure, worthless to a certain degree, unworthy of me. And he was scared too, afraid he might not be able to quit, stay quit, afraid what would happen between us if he didn't. worried what my reaction would be and he knew I wouldn't give up on him, I held him accountable and believed in him. That scared him too because he was afraid he would let me down.

jessilynn712 I dont know if my share helps you, but Im sorry your going through this. I hope your bf does ask his parents for help and is able to go in the right direction from here.
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