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sober home life

Old 05-07-2014, 10:21 AM
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sober home life

Hello all,

I want to stay on the right path and make the right choices. My problem is that my husband also struggles with addiction. It's a given it seems every payday I enter the cycle of insanity with coke/crack/alcohol with him. I know he doesn't FORCE me to participate, but still I end up doing this. Right now he's unemployed, so if I catch wind at work he's using(I can usually tell by how much he takes out of the bank) I get so mad and jealous that he can party all day and I can't. But, I know I cannot continue using anymore especially since I have two kids and its really affecting them. And, I feel like the worst mother in the world.

My husband is the most kind, loving and funny person ever when we are sober. I am so mean to him when I am under the influence. Just utterly nasty. I feel so bad all the time.

I always feel like he is trying to sneak money out of my purse or get one over on me, though and that's not healthy. I'm sooo frustrated with the situation!

Sorry to ramble and ramble, but it's like a secret we have from all our families and friends that we do drugs together. I feel like I have nowhere to turn sometimes.
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Old 05-07-2014, 10:46 AM
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I assume you discussed quitting with your husband?

If he is taking your paycheck out of your joint account or from your purse, you really need to consider setting up some boundaries so that he can't use it on drugs. Separate accounts, hiding cash, doing the shopping/bill paying yourself, etc. You are married, so it's tricky, but you really need to sit down and tell him you want to quit and try to agree to cut off the source of the drugs. Maybe if he doesn't have free access to the means to buy drugs it will help?

I really don't know your full situation, and I'm sure it is very difficult. You posted that you were thinking about checking out a meeting, were you able to?
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Old 05-07-2014, 11:11 AM
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This situation has hazard signs written all over it. This is a terrible environment for the kids to be in. If you're serious about cleaning up your act get to a counselor or a meeting today or tomorrow. If your husband doesn't want to then go by yourself. Nothing should be more important than fixing yourself and saving your family.
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Old 05-07-2014, 11:57 AM
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I feel like I sound hypocritical about the money thing as I use, too. I guess at my current stage I can handle having $ in my possession as I always try to make sure we pay our bills, mortgage, school fees, etc.

A bit of background:
We starting using together when we were dating. I was dealing with some emotional issues with an eating disorder and he had been using for years(although I was in the dark about it at the time) and I guess he wanted me to have a little "fun" since I seemed so unhappy. After some legal trouble and my two pregnancies, I was off the drugs for about 5 years. He's used the whole time and like an idiot I decided to jump back in for whatever reason which I still can't figure out. I guess it was around, I had a bad day, typical excuse. Now whenever that stuff is around it's like I can't walk away from it. I should just do something else but for some reason I can't.

No matter how much I try hiding money or giving him no access the more sneaky he gets. I do want to make clear I am not scapegoating him and I am no angel, I just wish he would help me follow through with making positive changes for our family.

I did check out the meeting I wanted to go to, it's a good one with good leads and people. I've been reading this site everyday and all of you are so helpful, thank you!
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