BHappy2014

This is Day 3 but I have realized something. My last binge I said nasty things to my parents. I'm older and don't live with them but they have this grasp on me. A recent life event has made me rely heavily on them and it's hard to define the line. I'm asking forgiveness but also meant some of what I said. It didn't need to be stated so harshly or like a nut but I do feel most of what I said. I feel bad today. Part of me feels this episode and words might create the boundary needed. Does that make sense?

sweetenuff

Hi BHappy. Done this to family, including parents , a few times .... Shamefully. Lost a few friends and badly alienated one family member at least along the way with this behaviour, and worse. I said, and did, a lot of things I didn't mean and acted in a way i would never do sober. Some things came out that WERE true but came out in drink, anger and aggression. Things that normally stay 'under the carpet' for politeness and because its easier not to deal with it. In fact, doing so rationally would have probably caused a falling out. Felt very very bad though.....although didn't keep me off the drink for ever, even though I swore it would at the time.

The people at the receiving end may have taken in what you wanted them to. The particular time I am thinking off, well for me this did cause a rift which has now improved to politeness when we see each other infrequently. Even this took years. This person to be truthful is selfish but the way things happened and all the things I said were pretty unforgivable, I think if it wasn't family that would have been it. If I had verbalised the problems in a different and more adult, sober way I think we still may not have a good relationship now but at least the other stuff wouldn't be out there colouring the situation and making things worse, distracting from the main points and earning me a hell of a reputation with the family who experienced or heard about it.

Hope things work out for you.

BHappy2014

Thank you. You stated that perfectly. I appreciate your response. It helped!

Anna

I found it really hard to speak my mind before I began to recover. I kept my feelings to myself and did what people expected me to do. I had to learn to be able to set boundaries and to stand up for myself, and it wasn't easy. I think it's good that you said what needed to be said.

resolute50

Alcohol has a tendency to do that.
Instead of venting a little when family of friends do some not so cool things to you.
I would get drunk and then have a tirade. Meant everything I said,just could have used more tact.
But mostly should have been sober when voicing my grievances.

BHappy2014

It kind of takes away the validity and makes being drunk the issue. It is the issue but the other issues exist. They just get to ignore it

sweetenuff

Yes, exactly. Quite rightly the episode i mentioned caused a lot of hurt and ill feeling which was hard for people, including me, to get over. However, the person I mentioned is exactly the same. Take away my behaviour and it was about how I had been thinking that about them......how dare I. This is partly why our relationship is so strained still, i get sick of their behaviour, which is constant and not a one off drunken freak out. Also all the help, support etc given by me in the past was instantly wiped out. BTW I am not excusing my behaviour and I have hurt people needlessly on more than one occasion. Maybe I am wrong to feel that way, I know alcohol represses emotional growth, I don't always deal with things the best way in any case, even sober.

We are all human and all have feelings and emotions that we don't always handle well in ourselves or others I guess.

BHappy2014

Agreed. In my case, I have family who always flies to the rescue and gives too much input. I love them and thank them but would like to take my life back. The boundary is hard to build bc it's so easy to take help.