I need some help please
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
I need some help please
My husband is a heroin addict. We have been together fro three appauling years...and guess what I still Love him, I cringe now even thinking I do. Anyway he is going to rehab in two days I have been stupid enough by enabling his addiction so he doesnt go awol and I know as Im typing that its up to him.
He o/d on friday and I had to take him to hospital, he has sold our laptop and camera and I said look you go in two days try and calm things down so I stupidly gave him the money so he doesnt nick my things... I woke up this morning and two of my daughters dvds are missing. I know they are in his bag but he wouldnt let me look. Told me to f off and went to community service.
With it only being two days do I keep my mouth shut or chuck him out bearing in mind I dont want to upset my daughter for maybe putting up with it. I constantly keep my possesions with me and Ive kept the key in the lock today so he cant get in.
So confused so angry so lost.....while he is in rehab Ive sold the house and moving to another area and have told him if he doesnt complete rehab we are finished. We both love each other but love aint enough.
He o/d on friday and I had to take him to hospital, he has sold our laptop and camera and I said look you go in two days try and calm things down so I stupidly gave him the money so he doesnt nick my things... I woke up this morning and two of my daughters dvds are missing. I know they are in his bag but he wouldnt let me look. Told me to f off and went to community service.
With it only being two days do I keep my mouth shut or chuck him out bearing in mind I dont want to upset my daughter for maybe putting up with it. I constantly keep my possesions with me and Ive kept the key in the lock today so he cant get in.
So confused so angry so lost.....while he is in rehab Ive sold the house and moving to another area and have told him if he doesnt complete rehab we are finished. We both love each other but love aint enough.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I'm so sorry Karrets. It must hurt like the devil. I hope rehab helps him.
You have made some decisions, selling the house, moving away... sounds like you are making choices to protect you and your daughters. I say good for you, and that took courage, and some good self-preservation is working there.
I dont know how the answer to this.. someone will have some good insight to share. I would wonder if you could call police for theft, but since he is your husband and a legal occupant, perhaps that is not an option. Changing locks, perhaps? if he is going to do rehab, he will, whether you make him angry or not, right? if he uses that as an excuse to not go, then he probably wasnt going to anyway.
I would protect my most precious things, in the meantime. jewelry, maybe even move some of your things to someones house? you are moving anyway. perhaps its a good time to stow away valuable things.
good luck to you dear. this has to be tough. I applaud you for moving you and your girls to safety.
hugs
chic
You have made some decisions, selling the house, moving away... sounds like you are making choices to protect you and your daughters. I say good for you, and that took courage, and some good self-preservation is working there.
I dont know how the answer to this.. someone will have some good insight to share. I would wonder if you could call police for theft, but since he is your husband and a legal occupant, perhaps that is not an option. Changing locks, perhaps? if he is going to do rehab, he will, whether you make him angry or not, right? if he uses that as an excuse to not go, then he probably wasnt going to anyway.
I would protect my most precious things, in the meantime. jewelry, maybe even move some of your things to someones house? you are moving anyway. perhaps its a good time to stow away valuable things.
good luck to you dear. this has to be tough. I applaud you for moving you and your girls to safety.
hugs
chic
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's never okay to steal from loved ones, whether it is the day before rehab or in the middle of a big relapse.
That said, getting angry and having a big blowout will accomplish nothing and just make it worse.
You have planned your next move, please go ahead with it all and protect yourself and your daughters. What unfolds after that remains to be seen. but just for today find some joy and know you are in charge of your own future, you alone hold the key to your happiness.
Hugs
That said, getting angry and having a big blowout will accomplish nothing and just make it worse.
You have planned your next move, please go ahead with it all and protect yourself and your daughters. What unfolds after that remains to be seen. but just for today find some joy and know you are in charge of your own future, you alone hold the key to your happiness.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
Hi Thank you for your replys of course I don't want him to steal her things my things or anyone's else's. I also don't want myself let alone my daughter around an addict. It's not that simple to walk away otherwise we wouldn't have this site
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
No - it's not easy. Not at all. My husband is also a recovering heroin addict.
It's not easy for me to think about how I got here. However, in my own recovery, i'm starting to piece things together. Some of them give me strength, other things scare me.
Your doing what you have to do to survive. Give yourself credit for that!!
I have prayed for strength to leave my husband. Then berated myself for not being able to follow through... it's just insanity. But, If nothing changes, nothing changes.
So, I do things for myself. I protect myself. I don't ever judge others (or try not to) because everyone has a story. Everyone has pain.
Be good to yourself.
It's not easy for me to think about how I got here. However, in my own recovery, i'm starting to piece things together. Some of them give me strength, other things scare me.
Your doing what you have to do to survive. Give yourself credit for that!!
I have prayed for strength to leave my husband. Then berated myself for not being able to follow through... it's just insanity. But, If nothing changes, nothing changes.
So, I do things for myself. I protect myself. I don't ever judge others (or try not to) because everyone has a story. Everyone has pain.
Be good to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
There have been times when I HAD TO separate from my husband.
He played me on going into rehab-recovery - then not following through.
But - eventually he did get there but it took my husband to go to jail first. Then me moving and taking him of the lease. Also, when he sobered up in jail he could recognize my pain. While in active addiction he didn't care.
If he doesn't go - in the few days - then make sure you separate yourself. He might try to buy more time. Which will only be for his benefit.
Addiction is Selfishness.
He played me on going into rehab-recovery - then not following through.
But - eventually he did get there but it took my husband to go to jail first. Then me moving and taking him of the lease. Also, when he sobered up in jail he could recognize my pain. While in active addiction he didn't care.
If he doesn't go - in the few days - then make sure you separate yourself. He might try to buy more time. Which will only be for his benefit.
Addiction is Selfishness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
I have made sure the mortgage is in my name and I have planned to start walking in the lakes and I'm out at the theatre and weddings while he is in rehab. I know he will go in he knows there is a problem and States he can see the ground coming towards him. Well that makes two of us if he doesn't complete he will have no right or reason to find me again and I won't be haunted by the place we used to live. knowing where the dealers are etc. He had just come in and said he's going out to get the dvds back.......... right o
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
I should say this is the 3rd time in rehab. 1st time he was getting flashbacks of sexual abuse as a child. He went on to have 1 year of counselling for that. Second time they kicked him out because he didn't get to the chemist in time as his mentor had him shifting furniture.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by KeepinItReal 
There have been times when I HAD TO separate from my husband.
He played me on going into rehab-recovery - then not following through.
But - eventually he did get there but it took my husband to go to jail first. Then me moving and taking him of the lease. Also, when he sobered up in jail he could recognize my pain. While in active addiction he didn't care.
If he doesn't go - in the few days - then make sure you separate yourself. He might try to buy more time. Which will only be for his benefit.
Addiction is Selfishness.
He played me on going into rehab-recovery - then not following through.
But - eventually he did get there but it took my husband to go to jail first. Then me moving and taking him of the lease. Also, when he sobered up in jail he could recognize my pain. While in active addiction he didn't care.
If he doesn't go - in the few days - then make sure you separate yourself. He might try to buy more time. Which will only be for his benefit.
Addiction is Selfishness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
The last time he went to rehab he told me everything that he had been doing it was like the man I fell in love with. He moved so far forward in 4 weeks but I still felt resentment towards him. even recovery is hard.
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