Just and Update
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Just and Update
Well, the weekend went well. My XAH had a big blowup Thursday evening b/c my children confronted him about continuing to drink. It was ugly. Luckily, my little daughter had counseling on Friday and she has an amazing counselor, so that helped.
I gave the kids the choice if they wanted to go see him Friday or not at his sisters. I knew they would be safe b/c his sister and her family would be there, and I would be driving them. I gave no input, just said it's up to you girls if you go or not. They decided to go ahead and go. I went out to a movie w/my mom and sister. That was really nice b/c I don't get to see my sister as often as I would like.
I am glad they did go, he made it nice for them. He bought them both a necklace b/c my older daughter was confirmed at our church yesterday. Saturday he took them to the park and played Frisbee and they all had fun. No drinking.
My mom had us all over for a big dinner celebration Saturday evening for my DD's confirmation at her house. It was wonderful to spend such a relaxing time with my family. XAH actually dropped them off at my house at the time he was supposto and was cordial and polite.
Yesterday we had the service where she was confirmed at church, I am so proud of her. I took a photo of both of my girls with him and sent it to him so he would have photos also. Then my family took us (me and my girls) out to lunch. It was really nice. After they went with me and my family, they went back to his sisters and went swimming, their choice, they asked to go.
I so wish it could be like that all the time. I knew he would not drink this weekend b/c this is his cycle. He stays clean when called out on it, for about a week or two. I know that my girls had fun. I can only pray that they have more times like that.
I am learning to not feed into the bad so much because I could not control him when I was married to him and I certainly cannot control him now. I will calmly and assertively handle situations when they arise, and leave it the rest of the time. I am also learning to appreciate the good in life so much more. I loved spending time with my family over the weekend. I did not miss my XAH at all. I am so much more relaxed at events. I don't have to worry he is off sneaking booze or will make an a$$ of himself or me.
It's a learning process. It's a slow learning process but I am getting there.
Thank you all for your support!
XXX
I gave the kids the choice if they wanted to go see him Friday or not at his sisters. I knew they would be safe b/c his sister and her family would be there, and I would be driving them. I gave no input, just said it's up to you girls if you go or not. They decided to go ahead and go. I went out to a movie w/my mom and sister. That was really nice b/c I don't get to see my sister as often as I would like.
I am glad they did go, he made it nice for them. He bought them both a necklace b/c my older daughter was confirmed at our church yesterday. Saturday he took them to the park and played Frisbee and they all had fun. No drinking.
My mom had us all over for a big dinner celebration Saturday evening for my DD's confirmation at her house. It was wonderful to spend such a relaxing time with my family. XAH actually dropped them off at my house at the time he was supposto and was cordial and polite.
Yesterday we had the service where she was confirmed at church, I am so proud of her. I took a photo of both of my girls with him and sent it to him so he would have photos also. Then my family took us (me and my girls) out to lunch. It was really nice. After they went with me and my family, they went back to his sisters and went swimming, their choice, they asked to go.
I so wish it could be like that all the time. I knew he would not drink this weekend b/c this is his cycle. He stays clean when called out on it, for about a week or two. I know that my girls had fun. I can only pray that they have more times like that.
I am learning to not feed into the bad so much because I could not control him when I was married to him and I certainly cannot control him now. I will calmly and assertively handle situations when they arise, and leave it the rest of the time. I am also learning to appreciate the good in life so much more. I loved spending time with my family over the weekend. I did not miss my XAH at all. I am so much more relaxed at events. I don't have to worry he is off sneaking booze or will make an a$$ of himself or me.
It's a learning process. It's a slow learning process but I am getting there.
Thank you all for your support!
XXX
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Hi hopeful, I'm glad you're starting to enjoy things outside your family dramas. I wonder if the girls confronting him had any effect? It doesn't hurt to be confronted by your kids now and then. Mine were capable of being assertive at that age, and I think it improved our relationships a lot.
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Yes, they are definitely losing respect for him. It makes me want to slap him b/c I cannot believe he either does not care or does not see it. Whatever, that part is out of my control. I told him in a calm manner. I do think the girls calling him out has an effect on him, hopefully a lasting one. Time will tell.
As I always think, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Currently he is living w/his sister. There is no way he would drink there. At the end of this month he will be getting his own place. I completely expect for him to spiral out of control. I hope that does not happen, but do expect it. All I can do is prepare.
I am so happy it was a nice weekend, the kids really needed some good time with him. Hope he saw that.
XXX
As I always think, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Currently he is living w/his sister. There is no way he would drink there. At the end of this month he will be getting his own place. I completely expect for him to spiral out of control. I hope that does not happen, but do expect it. All I can do is prepare.
I am so happy it was a nice weekend, the kids really needed some good time with him. Hope he saw that.
XXX
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(((Hopeful))) You sound stronger & stronger with each passing week even though you are still facing such challenges. I think you are doing such an inspiring job of seeing the limits of what you can & can't control & adjusting around it all acordingly without getting vengeful or bitter. Your girls are so lucky to have you leading them through this!
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Thank you FS!
It is hard, and believe me, I have had my freak out moments. I just have to keep reminding myself that I cannot control how he acts but I can control how I react. And when I react in a calm and assertive manner, it is better for all involved.
Thank you for your encouragement, it means more than I can explain!
XXX
It is hard, and believe me, I have had my freak out moments. I just have to keep reminding myself that I cannot control how he acts but I can control how I react. And when I react in a calm and assertive manner, it is better for all involved.
Thank you for your encouragement, it means more than I can explain!
XXX
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Glad to hear the weekend went well! Im sure it made your DD's a little bit more comfortable with him. You did a great job with self-care and remaining neutral with the kids! My STBXAH is the same and will sober up when called on it for a week or so and then right back. Its a constant battle and I can see this is likely how our visitations will go. I appreciate you sharing your experience! It is so helpful to me. It helps me to plan for the future and gives me ideas on how to handle things when they arise. My AH is being served next week after my DD's first communion at church and party this weekend. (I didn't want to ruin it for her so it's filed in court but waiting to be served). Congratulations on your DD's confirmation! You definitely sound strong and happier! Keep up the great work.
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Thank You!
Congrats to your DD and her first communion. Special Times!
It is a rollercoaster ride. He is so all over the place that I am learning pretty quickly that the more I react the worse it becomes. It is sad that I know this will spiral out of control. I don't know when for sure, but it will. All I can do is be waiting in the wings for my girls, to catch them when they fall no matter what happens in life, help them handle it, and we will all three stand back up.
I understand not wanting him to be served before her Communion and party. I hope it's a wonderful time, as it is something to cherish forever. While I really cannot stand my XAH I do realize I have to deal with him forever, so I am trying to make the most of it.
Have a wonderful time!!! PM me anytime you need a friend!
Congrats to your DD and her first communion. Special Times!
It is a rollercoaster ride. He is so all over the place that I am learning pretty quickly that the more I react the worse it becomes. It is sad that I know this will spiral out of control. I don't know when for sure, but it will. All I can do is be waiting in the wings for my girls, to catch them when they fall no matter what happens in life, help them handle it, and we will all three stand back up.
I understand not wanting him to be served before her Communion and party. I hope it's a wonderful time, as it is something to cherish forever. While I really cannot stand my XAH I do realize I have to deal with him forever, so I am trying to make the most of it.
Have a wonderful time!!! PM me anytime you need a friend!
Originally Posted by unsureoffuture 
Glad to hear the weekend went well! Im sure it made your DD's a little bit more comfortable with him. You did a great job with self-care and remaining neutral with the kids! My STBXAH is the same and will sober up when called on it for a week or so and then right back. Its a constant battle and I can see this is likely how our visitations will go. I appreciate you sharing your experience! It is so helpful to me. It helps me to plan for the future and gives me ideas on how to handle things when they arise. My AH is being served next week after my DD's first communion at church and party this weekend. (I didn't want to ruin it for her so it's filed in court but waiting to be served). Congratulations on your DD's confirmation! You definitely sound strong and happier! Keep up the great work.
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Thank You LMN....what a kind thing to say! I am trying. Believe me, it's an effort. I pray a lot and remind myself of all I have learned, a lot.
One other thing I want to say to anyone with children especially is something my sister (who is MO State Highway Patrol) reminded me. She said if there is ever a point that I question if things are ok or not, cannot get ahold of my children, etc. that I can call the police and request what is called a Well Check. If they are in the car, or wherever they are, I can do that. She said that she has done it herself for alcoholic parents before where the custodial parent is scared for their kids or cannot reach them. You can also do this for the elderly, say if your elderly neighbor who is always outside at 7am is not or does not answer the door or phone or whatever. I think it's super great.
I really had not considered that before. It is something that put my mind at ease quite a bit. She cautioned me not to do this unless I need to as if you do it all the time it will be taking advantage of it and you don't want them to think that. However, it's nice to have that as a backup if there would be a true emergency and I could not get to them.
One other thing I want to say to anyone with children especially is something my sister (who is MO State Highway Patrol) reminded me. She said if there is ever a point that I question if things are ok or not, cannot get ahold of my children, etc. that I can call the police and request what is called a Well Check. If they are in the car, or wherever they are, I can do that. She said that she has done it herself for alcoholic parents before where the custodial parent is scared for their kids or cannot reach them. You can also do this for the elderly, say if your elderly neighbor who is always outside at 7am is not or does not answer the door or phone or whatever. I think it's super great.
I really had not considered that before. It is something that put my mind at ease quite a bit. She cautioned me not to do this unless I need to as if you do it all the time it will be taking advantage of it and you don't want them to think that. However, it's nice to have that as a backup if there would be a true emergency and I could not get to them.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am learning to not feed into the bad so much because I could not control him when I was married to him and I certainly cannot control him now. I will calmly and assertively handle situations when they arise, and leave it the rest of the time. I am also learning to appreciate the good in life so much more. I loved spending time with my family over the weekend. I did not miss my XAH at all. I am so much more relaxed at events. I don't have to worry he is off sneaking booze or will make an a$$ of himself or me.
It's a learning process. It's a slow learning process but I am getting there.
It's a learning process. It's a slow learning process but I am getting there.
Good for you, and congratulation to your daughter on her Confirmation.
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