Everything my AH does or says triggers me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 11
Everything my AH does or says triggers me.
I am very new to SR and very grateful that I found it. The love of my life (AH) has been in rehab for 2 weeks. I thought that I would find peace and relief during this time, but it has been a darker hell than the past 2 years of verbal abuse and gaslighting. I love him, I truly believe that he is my soul mate and I look forward to living a wonderful, sober life with him. So why is this so hard for me? (I know codie) I seriously don't know how I am going to get through the next 2 weeks. He is doing great and truly embracing the program - but I am mad that he is doing great and I am miserable, then I am mad at myself for getting mad about that.
Everything he does or says triggers me into anger - EXTREME anger. I've never had emotional break downs like this before. He has been doing and saying all the right things, I want to forgive him, I hate feeling like this, I am so acutely aware of how rediculous I am being at times - yet I can't stop.
I have truly convinced myself that I don't matter to him, yet he is giving me all the love and attention he can given his schedule. I got mad when I heard about the messages he is receiving from his friends, I have shut out all of my friends over the years - no one is reaching out to me. I got mad when he said that he is planning on getting back into golf league - I don't have a life or a hobby, I quit everything to spend time with him. I get mad when he says I need to go to Alanon - I don't want to be told that every wife of an alcoholic goes through this - I feel that's his way of brushing me off (my misery is insignificant if everyone goes through this), I get mad when he told me that his therapist said that I was choosing the victim-mentality....doesn't that mean that my misery is all my fault? I got mad when he had to go to class when I was in the middle of a complete emotional breakdown in which I had completely lost all sense of reality.
(btw I have read Co-Dependent No More and many other books on this. My father was an alcoholic and so was my ex husband. I have a therapist...I am very educated when it comes to addiction and co-dependency - but it is not helping)
He is not doing anything wrong anymore. In fact, he is doing everything I wanted him to do. I am exhausted of all this negative energy. How can I stop this anger and start healing?
Everything he does or says triggers me into anger - EXTREME anger. I've never had emotional break downs like this before. He has been doing and saying all the right things, I want to forgive him, I hate feeling like this, I am so acutely aware of how rediculous I am being at times - yet I can't stop.
I have truly convinced myself that I don't matter to him, yet he is giving me all the love and attention he can given his schedule. I got mad when I heard about the messages he is receiving from his friends, I have shut out all of my friends over the years - no one is reaching out to me. I got mad when he said that he is planning on getting back into golf league - I don't have a life or a hobby, I quit everything to spend time with him. I get mad when he says I need to go to Alanon - I don't want to be told that every wife of an alcoholic goes through this - I feel that's his way of brushing me off (my misery is insignificant if everyone goes through this), I get mad when he told me that his therapist said that I was choosing the victim-mentality....doesn't that mean that my misery is all my fault? I got mad when he had to go to class when I was in the middle of a complete emotional breakdown in which I had completely lost all sense of reality.
(btw I have read Co-Dependent No More and many other books on this. My father was an alcoholic and so was my ex husband. I have a therapist...I am very educated when it comes to addiction and co-dependency - but it is not helping)
He is not doing anything wrong anymore. In fact, he is doing everything I wanted him to do. I am exhausted of all this negative energy. How can I stop this anger and start healing?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Information is great, and so is therapy, but it is when we start applying those tools to our everyday life that healing begins. You mentioned that you had given up thing you enjoyed doing in order to focus on him. Now that he is recovering, try putting some of that focus back on yourself. Pick up one of those hobbies again or spend a few hours this week doing something you used to enjoy.
When our lives become so enmeshed with another that our happiness seems to depend on them it can be very difficult to get back that sense of self. If you don't want to try Alanon (though I think you might be pleasantly surprised if you do), there are alternatives such as Celebrate Recovery which might be a better fit for you.
Welcome and thanks for posting.
When our lives become so enmeshed with another that our happiness seems to depend on them it can be very difficult to get back that sense of self. If you don't want to try Alanon (though I think you might be pleasantly surprised if you do), there are alternatives such as Celebrate Recovery which might be a better fit for you.
Welcome and thanks for posting.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
After I had isolated myself for so long, I reached out to my old friends, I told them I had isolated myself b/c my XAH (at the time my AH) had a serious drinking problem. They all embraced me with open arms. Is this an option for you? I know when I stopped hiding, when I stopped covering up for him and about him, it set me free in many many ways. One of those ways was finding the support I needed for ME.
Good luck to you. You deserve your own support system, we all do!
XXX
Good luck to you. You deserve your own support system, we all do!
XXX
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you, I would reconnect with my friends and family, but I really don't want to because they have all told me that they want me to divorce him. I have considered divorce and it will always be an option (it's not like I have to divorce him today - I can always do it tomorrow). I want to see this through and see who he is after rehab.
Anyhow, I don't want to talk to them because I don't want their negative energy. I guess that is why I am on SR
Anyhow, I don't want to talk to them because I don't want their negative energy. I guess that is why I am on SR
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Only you are stopping you.
You can join a league, find a hobby, you can do anything. He is not stopping you. You chose to relinquish your friends and you are choosing not to reach out to them now.
Isn't all you have wanted is for him to get sober?
I get it, really I do. He can't make it up to you what he has put your through there are not enough sorry's. He can and is choosing to heal himself. Unless you choose the same I doubt this is going to work. He is encouraging you to get help. That's all.
You do matter to him. I promise.
You can join a league, find a hobby, you can do anything. He is not stopping you. You chose to relinquish your friends and you are choosing not to reach out to them now.
Isn't all you have wanted is for him to get sober?
I get it, really I do. He can't make it up to you what he has put your through there are not enough sorry's. He can and is choosing to heal himself. Unless you choose the same I doubt this is going to work. He is encouraging you to get help. That's all.
You do matter to him. I promise.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Tiggs, I'm going to have a go at amateur psychology, lucky you gets to be the client!
The anger sounds completely natural. We tend to suppress our anger at times of great stress because we don't have the resources to deal with it. Your AH goes to rehab, changes his attitude so you're not busy surviving, and suddenly the anger has a space to flourish and grow. Because it's now safe to be angry.
You're annoyed that he's doing well. Where do you think that's coming from? Is it because he won't need you as much, or possibly you don't see why he should just shrug it all off while you're still dealing with the consequences?
Seriously, I think Al-anon would be brilliant for you, despite the fact that he suggested it. Don't forget it's for you, not him. If things do change you're going to need those coping skills.
Well, I think our hour is up - that will be $200 please
The anger sounds completely natural. We tend to suppress our anger at times of great stress because we don't have the resources to deal with it. Your AH goes to rehab, changes his attitude so you're not busy surviving, and suddenly the anger has a space to flourish and grow. Because it's now safe to be angry.
You're annoyed that he's doing well. Where do you think that's coming from? Is it because he won't need you as much, or possibly you don't see why he should just shrug it all off while you're still dealing with the consequences?
Seriously, I think Al-anon would be brilliant for you, despite the fact that he suggested it. Don't forget it's for you, not him. If things do change you're going to need those coping skills.
Well, I think our hour is up - that will be $200 please
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Hey Tiggs, I experienced a lot of emotional swings when RAH was in early recovery just like you mentioned... even though that wasn't something that was "normal" for me before that. It felt to me like FeelingGreat said, "Because it's now safe to be angry." Your post reminded me of one I shared last year so I dug it up to copy & paste here instead of trying to re-word it all again.... please forgive my laziness. 
I've worked hard since then to incorporate new activities & new people into my life as well, to open up my exposure to the rest of the world & try to find healthy people to connect with.
Originally Posted by FireSprite
6 months sounds like such a long time to be in recovery & working changes into your life but in reality at 6 months I was only just starting to feel my own rage & resentments & exhaustion at the whole situation. And I felt entitled to them; I had earned every bit of that heartache & I wanted answers & apologies. I wanted him to know how badly it hurt to have the person you trusted the most betray you, I was vengeful for a while... and how dare he now have this positive attitude, full of snappy AA quotes & glass half-full thinking while I was just starting to feel the edges of the white-hot rage I had buried inside.
For me things stayed very much the same for the first (almost) year of his recovery especially since I hadn't yet understood how to embrace my own (or understand how badly it was needed). Yes, he was no longer drinking, but instead of being locked away in bars & spending his time with other A's he was locked away in daily AA meetings & sharing all the details of his drinking problem with a bunch of strangers which I found isolating & a bit insulting - here I was the person MOST affected by his poor decisions & I wasn't even privy to understanding how or why we got to this point. I felt abandoned by him for his alcoholism at first, and then abandoned for recovery/AA after.
Even though our area has literally about 100+ AA meetings each month, Al-Anon meetings are very few & far between & never during times I could actually attend. And when I did I felt such a disconnect - there seemed so little information about moving forward with a RA, more of the topics speak to supporting those with active A's or those that chose to leave. I wasn't finding anything relevent to MY life or challenges.
I was still having to hold down the roles of being both Mom & Dad to our DD since he was only able to concentrate on his recovery. I still went to work every day to a job I only half-liked and I still struggled with the financial fallout he had created in our lives. I was the one searching for solutions, assistance, debt consolidations, etc. I was forced to look at the Big Picture & he was living One Day at a Time. Nothing really changed for me as quickly as I expected. No one in my circle really understands addiction so even though I had a few shoulders to lean on, they couldn't really understand anything that I was going through. And I really didn't want to run around announcing how wonderful his recovery was going since I essentially knew nothing about it and didn't want to look like the fool if/when he relapsed.
I was never so happy as I was the day I googled and found SR. I learned SO MUCH about things I had no understanding of - resentments, detachment, the chemistry of addiction, the physiological changes happening in his body during his detox, how very not unique our situation was, etc. That's when things changed for me - that's when I started to see my own recovery needs more clearly. That's when I was able to better separate Me from Him & start handling things with a Me-First attitude.
There was also the element of feeling like I would NEVER be done supporting him..... while my own support seemed lesser both in volume & intensity. Some days the "issues" in my mind got so tangled up that I just wanted to be free from all of it & I thought about leaving more AFTER he sought recovery than I ever did before. I wasn't sure we'd ever be on the same page again.
For me things stayed very much the same for the first (almost) year of his recovery especially since I hadn't yet understood how to embrace my own (or understand how badly it was needed). Yes, he was no longer drinking, but instead of being locked away in bars & spending his time with other A's he was locked away in daily AA meetings & sharing all the details of his drinking problem with a bunch of strangers which I found isolating & a bit insulting - here I was the person MOST affected by his poor decisions & I wasn't even privy to understanding how or why we got to this point. I felt abandoned by him for his alcoholism at first, and then abandoned for recovery/AA after.
Even though our area has literally about 100+ AA meetings each month, Al-Anon meetings are very few & far between & never during times I could actually attend. And when I did I felt such a disconnect - there seemed so little information about moving forward with a RA, more of the topics speak to supporting those with active A's or those that chose to leave. I wasn't finding anything relevent to MY life or challenges.
I was still having to hold down the roles of being both Mom & Dad to our DD since he was only able to concentrate on his recovery. I still went to work every day to a job I only half-liked and I still struggled with the financial fallout he had created in our lives. I was the one searching for solutions, assistance, debt consolidations, etc. I was forced to look at the Big Picture & he was living One Day at a Time. Nothing really changed for me as quickly as I expected. No one in my circle really understands addiction so even though I had a few shoulders to lean on, they couldn't really understand anything that I was going through. And I really didn't want to run around announcing how wonderful his recovery was going since I essentially knew nothing about it and didn't want to look like the fool if/when he relapsed.
I was never so happy as I was the day I googled and found SR. I learned SO MUCH about things I had no understanding of - resentments, detachment, the chemistry of addiction, the physiological changes happening in his body during his detox, how very not unique our situation was, etc. That's when things changed for me - that's when I started to see my own recovery needs more clearly. That's when I was able to better separate Me from Him & start handling things with a Me-First attitude.
There was also the element of feeling like I would NEVER be done supporting him..... while my own support seemed lesser both in volume & intensity. Some days the "issues" in my mind got so tangled up that I just wanted to be free from all of it & I thought about leaving more AFTER he sought recovery than I ever did before. I wasn't sure we'd ever be on the same page again.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have made wonderful friends at Celebrate Recovery. It was a God's send b/c those people completely 100% understand. They don't expect you to come to a conclusion in one day or to know what you want even five seconds from now. They just help you heal. It sounds like you could use a support group of some sort.
SR is great, but you need face to face support.
I believe what you are going through is very similar to grief in the same way we react to death. You have to let yourself go through it and eventually it will pass on to the next phase. Anger is definitely one of those.
I hope you find some peace. I think it's important to realize it's ok to be angry, you have a right to be I am guessing. It took me a while to realize that I was ticked off for good reason, it was ok to be for a while, then I moved on from it. It will only control you if you let it.
Good Luck and God Bless!
SR is great, but you need face to face support.
I believe what you are going through is very similar to grief in the same way we react to death. You have to let yourself go through it and eventually it will pass on to the next phase. Anger is definitely one of those.
I hope you find some peace. I think it's important to realize it's ok to be angry, you have a right to be I am guessing. It took me a while to realize that I was ticked off for good reason, it was ok to be for a while, then I moved on from it. It will only control you if you let it.
Good Luck and God Bless!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 214
I was enraged w/my ex when he got 'sober'. I think anger is a healthy response--everything revolved around his drinking, and then.....everything is going to revolve around his sobriety??WTF!!! I felt cheated, that my hope was realized, and things were still the same.
Not only were things the same, but I was never going to get any understanding from him, of what I'd sacrificed, the fear I'd felt. I was waiting for the other half of a healthy relationship to kick in--the one where someone says 'hey, thanks for all the help! Want me to do the dishes while you take a bath or go out w/friends?' was never going to happen.
It is normal. Therapy helps. Martial arts can feel REALLY satisfying. al anon was a lifesaver. Good luck to you!
Not only were things the same, but I was never going to get any understanding from him, of what I'd sacrificed, the fear I'd felt. I was waiting for the other half of a healthy relationship to kick in--the one where someone says 'hey, thanks for all the help! Want me to do the dishes while you take a bath or go out w/friends?' was never going to happen.
It is normal. Therapy helps. Martial arts can feel REALLY satisfying. al anon was a lifesaver. Good luck to you!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
when my XAH got sober, worked his program, and become the golden child of the moment....awwwwwww, gawwwdd, how I resented him!!!!
all the hell he put us through? and now he was acting like a responsible adult!
all the nasty behaviors? and now he was treating me like a cherished treasure!
all of the family and friends he had alienated? and now he had all these successful people clapping him on the back?
all the times I had rescued the moment from his insanity? and now I was the one standing there with the deer in the headlight look.
I DID NOT KNOW WHERE I BELONGED.
AND I WANTED PAYMENT FOR ALL THE HURT HE HAD CAUSED ME.
I wanted blood. his blood.
I wanted to just punch myself right in the face.
how could anyone be as insane as he behaved while actively drinking, and just like the flip of the switch, be AS NORMAL AS I EVER WANTED HIM TO BE?!
it was a confusing, confusing time for me.
and the biggiest, biggie of all......will he still want me if he is all better?
does any of this sound familiar for you....just askin.
al-anon saved my a$$. and this forum, too.
all the hell he put us through? and now he was acting like a responsible adult!
all the nasty behaviors? and now he was treating me like a cherished treasure!
all of the family and friends he had alienated? and now he had all these successful people clapping him on the back?
all the times I had rescued the moment from his insanity? and now I was the one standing there with the deer in the headlight look.
I DID NOT KNOW WHERE I BELONGED.
AND I WANTED PAYMENT FOR ALL THE HURT HE HAD CAUSED ME.
I wanted blood. his blood.
I wanted to just punch myself right in the face.
how could anyone be as insane as he behaved while actively drinking, and just like the flip of the switch, be AS NORMAL AS I EVER WANTED HIM TO BE?!
it was a confusing, confusing time for me.
and the biggiest, biggie of all......will he still want me if he is all better?
does any of this sound familiar for you....just askin.
al-anon saved my a$$. and this forum, too.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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It's good that he's in rehab. I understand how hard it is to work on our healing when they seem to heal a lot quicker.
For us, getting out of rehab was just the start of things getting harder. During rehab things had seemed good for him; I was a total wreck. We're 4+ months in from when he first sobered up, 3+ months from post rehab, and two weeks sober after relapsing. We keep learning more. Take away the alcohol and the coping mechanism was gone. Things are quite good this week. Strange enough, I'm starting to learn how to deal with this part of it. The good is a lot harder for me to deal with than emergencies and being in a constant state of crisis. I have to keep turning towards working on myself and let him deal with his own recovery.
I know about the anger; I don't know about everyone feeling good about him -- we haven't gotten there yet, but one day at a time and it'll come. We can't second guess what'll happen with the other person or even our own feelings.
Living for today is the best cure I've found. Not easy; well worth it.
Mind, body and spirit. All entangled and I've found they all are in need of healing of different methods.
What have you tried so far? Energy healing has been important to me, similar to Reiki. Visualizing colors. (yes, really) Along with my physical health - eating well, working with a doctor who I trust, yet still researching on my part. The mental part... wow! just jump in on tons of books and then weeded through and kept working.
Prayer. Meditation. Connecting with God. Asking for guidance.
For us, getting out of rehab was just the start of things getting harder. During rehab things had seemed good for him; I was a total wreck. We're 4+ months in from when he first sobered up, 3+ months from post rehab, and two weeks sober after relapsing. We keep learning more. Take away the alcohol and the coping mechanism was gone. Things are quite good this week. Strange enough, I'm starting to learn how to deal with this part of it. The good is a lot harder for me to deal with than emergencies and being in a constant state of crisis. I have to keep turning towards working on myself and let him deal with his own recovery.
I know about the anger; I don't know about everyone feeling good about him -- we haven't gotten there yet, but one day at a time and it'll come. We can't second guess what'll happen with the other person or even our own feelings.
Living for today is the best cure I've found. Not easy; well worth it.
Mind, body and spirit. All entangled and I've found they all are in need of healing of different methods.
What have you tried so far? Energy healing has been important to me, similar to Reiki. Visualizing colors. (yes, really
) Along with my physical health - eating well, working with a doctor who I trust, yet still researching on my part. The mental part... wow! just jump in on tons of books and then weeded through and kept working.Prayer. Meditation. Connecting with God. Asking for guidance.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 11
FireSprite - thank you so much! You basically summed up everything - You are right too in that SR seems to be the most healing place for me right now...I will try to look in to some more Alanon meetings, but I really don't want to sit around and listen to the "Bitter Wives Club" - lol. I absolutely appreciate your thoughts - any advice you would like to send my way will be very much appreciated
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Tiggs77 
FireSprite - thank you so much! You basically summed up everything - You are right too in that SR seems to be the most healing place for me right now...I will try to look in to some more Alanon meetings, but I really don't want to sit around and listen to the "Bitter Wives Club" - lol. I absolutely appreciate your thoughts - any advice you would like to send my way will be very much appreciated
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
I think you may have been misinformed about the nature of Alanon. The last thing anyone wants to do at a meeting is sit around complaining about their qualifiers. It would interfere with everyone's healing.
.It really isn't about sitting around & b@tching, it's about helping you find the tools & understanding YOU need to be able to move forward in YOUR life, with or without your qualifier, and regardless of how they approach their own recovery. My husband entered into recovery literally minutes after dropping the bomb on me that he was an alcoholic (secret drinker), so I didn't even realize I was dealing with alcoholism until he was already drying out. My head was spinning & I was exhausted & not seeing the depth of it all - I did not have the patience to listen through what I considered irrelevent info during meetings - I wanted an A-B-C-1-2-3 path telling me exactly how to "fix" it all. This was MY version of going to the hardware store for bread.
With SR I could sit for hours into the nights reading about alcoholism from ALL sides of the table & I could take in massive amounts of info in my own time. The exposure here is amazing and I approached it from a point of dropping my ego & humility to the floor & truly hearing things even if I didn't like what was said even when it wasn't directed at me. It helped me to take the blinders off & stop approaching everything defensively. (including Al-Anon, lol!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you all for all if your suggestions! I will definitely get to work . In the mean time, has anyone been frustrated (aka angered) that there RAH in rehab seems to be in denial of reality? Has anyone been mad at the detox centers for fostering this?
I know that they need a place safe to heal- and I appreciate that... But he is coming home in 10 days and he is asking me why I am angry??? Really?!? Hmmmm....
He's sunshiny happy every day -we are in different worlds and I'm not at all confident that we can co-exist.
. In the mean time, has anyone been frustrated (aka angered) that there RAH in rehab seems to be in denial of reality? Has anyone been mad at the detox centers for fostering this? I know that they need a place safe to heal- and I appreciate that... But he is coming home in 10 days and he is asking me why I am angry??? Really?!? Hmmmm....
He's sunshiny happy every day -we are in different worlds and I'm not at all confident that we can co-exist.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by Tiggs77
I get mad when he says I need to go to Alanon
I got mad when I first came here, to these forums, and people said I should give Alanon a try.
Originally Posted by Tiggs77
I get mad when he told me that his therapist said that I was choosing the victim-mentality....
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
OMG!!! I love every single post on this thread! My AH is newly home from rehab. i wanted to punch him in the face while he was in treatment. I know EXACTLY how you feel!! Also, i think the majority of my anger came from think "You have got to be freakin kidding me, he's all better and now if I don't change he is gonna leave my a$$ if I don't get help? Who does he think he is and where did this better than me complex come from???" Yeah. I totally understand. But I think I was scared he would not love me anymore cuz he was "fixed" and I was stuck. Actually, I still feel that way. Lol! But, he is no where close to being fixed, but neither am I.
Today, I live for al anon. I have a meeting tonight and I cannot wait!
Also, we tend to give up our friends because they don't understand nor do they know how to help, and that's ok. Hell, we don't know how to help ourselves or we would not be at our rock bottom, so how can we expect someone else to?
Today, I live for al anon. I have a meeting tonight and I cannot wait!
Also, we tend to give up our friends because they don't understand nor do they know how to help, and that's ok. Hell, we don't know how to help ourselves or we would not be at our rock bottom, so how can we expect someone else to?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 121
You are not alone in the anger thing. I remember people telling me what an angry person I was at the family program at my RAH's rehab facility. I was literally to the point that even seeing him made me sick. I never wanted him to come home. I loved the peace I had in his absence. I think anger and especially resentment is normal when we go thru our own stages of recovery and acceptance. I remember that my main source of anger was that he went to rehab for reasons other than his family or even for himself. I was so angry that he didn't and wouldn't quit for the health of his family. He did start drinking again right out of rehab, he had to have something really bad happen to finally take his sobriety seriously. I am still angry about that. However, I have come to the conclusion that selfishness, negatively expressed through alcohol is probably the main catalyst of the disease they have. It will always be there. They still have to be selfish, but turn it productive (going to rehab or endless meetings) in order to get better from the effects of the alcohol. I am less angry thinking about it this way. It is what has worked for me.
I do agree though that because you have isolated yourself, as I did too, that you have to start finding other hobbies or activities to get your focus away from him. It's ok to have things to call your own outside of him. I got back into horses and joined a dog club that I love. You can do things that don't deeply involve people if you're not comfortable with it. I have one close friend who is my sounding-board and I am hers, but most of the people I see regularly at the barn or dog club know nothing about my home issues, They know me as a horse or dog person and I enjoy their company on those topics. I understand this is a hard place to be in, but the sooner you can find some of yourself again the better!
I do agree though that because you have isolated yourself, as I did too, that you have to start finding other hobbies or activities to get your focus away from him. It's ok to have things to call your own outside of him. I got back into horses and joined a dog club that I love. You can do things that don't deeply involve people if you're not comfortable with it. I have one close friend who is my sounding-board and I am hers, but most of the people I see regularly at the barn or dog club know nothing about my home issues, They know me as a horse or dog person and I enjoy their company on those topics. I understand this is a hard place to be in, but the sooner you can find some of yourself again the better!
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