Courage To Change 05/03/14
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Courage To Change 05/03/14
Detachment. At first it may sound cold and rejecting, not loving at all. But I have come to believe that detachment is actually a wonderful gift: I am allowing my loved ones the privilege and opportunity of being themselves.
I do not wish to interfere with anyone’s opportunities to discover the joy and self-confidence that can accompany personal achievements. If I am constantly intervening to protect them from painful experiences, I also do them a great disservice. As Mark Twain said, “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
I find it painful to watch another person suffer or head down a road I believe leads to pain. Many of my attempts to rescue others have been prompted by my desire to avoid this pain. Today I’m learning to experience my own fear, grief, and anguish. This helps me to be willing to trust the same growth process in others, because I know first-hand about the gifts it can bring.
Sometimes it is more loving to allow someone else to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it is painful for us both. In the long run, both of us will benefit. Today I will put love first in my life.
“All I have to do is keep my hands off and turn my heart on.”
. . . In All Our Affairs
I do not wish to interfere with anyone’s opportunities to discover the joy and self-confidence that can accompany personal achievements. If I am constantly intervening to protect them from painful experiences, I also do them a great disservice. As Mark Twain said, “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
I find it painful to watch another person suffer or head down a road I believe leads to pain. Many of my attempts to rescue others have been prompted by my desire to avoid this pain. Today I’m learning to experience my own fear, grief, and anguish. This helps me to be willing to trust the same growth process in others, because I know first-hand about the gifts it can bring.
Today’s Reminder
Sometimes it is more loving to allow someone else to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it is painful for us both. In the long run, both of us will benefit. Today I will put love first in my life.
“All I have to do is keep my hands off and turn my heart on.”
. . . In All Our Affairs
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
This is a great reading and I really needed to hear that this morning. My best friend is an active alcoholic who also started smoking crack a few months ago and is associating with some really sick addicts who come in and out of his place.
I have had to go no contact for a bit and relearn how to detach on a brand new level.
This morning, I was actually worried about him because I know it is the third and he is on a binge with his new "friends" and blowing all of his money.
Then my guilt and inner rescuer was starting to kick in and I was thinking: "I should have come over on the first and taken some of his money to pay his bills" "His internet will get shut off" "what if he ods and gets hurt and here I am, supposed to be his friend and I abandoned him" "he is going to get evicted the way he is going with those people"...well you all know the crazy thinking about things which are out of my control and none of my business.
I know I was on my way to a codie relapse, relapses always start with the crazy thinking and before I know it, I d be right in the middle of his madness and making it mine!
This reading really helped me refocus and re balance myself for the day.
Thank you Mark Twain and Alanon!!! I m writing that one down and carrying it on me for the next few days.
I have had to go no contact for a bit and relearn how to detach on a brand new level.
This morning, I was actually worried about him because I know it is the third and he is on a binge with his new "friends" and blowing all of his money.
Then my guilt and inner rescuer was starting to kick in and I was thinking: "I should have come over on the first and taken some of his money to pay his bills" "His internet will get shut off" "what if he ods and gets hurt and here I am, supposed to be his friend and I abandoned him" "he is going to get evicted the way he is going with those people"...well you all know the crazy thinking about things which are out of my control and none of my business.
I know I was on my way to a codie relapse, relapses always start with the crazy thinking and before I know it, I d be right in the middle of his madness and making it mine!
This reading really helped me refocus and re balance myself for the day.
If I am constantly intervening to protect them from painful experiences, I also do them a great disservice. As Mark Twain said, “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I hate that freaking crack and what it does to people!!! When my friend was just drinking, one of my boundaries was that I would not hang out with him when he was drinking. We had some great time when he was not (he is a binge drinker) and he has been a wonderful friend to me in the past.
Since he started smoking that **** and associating with those people, his disease has progressed to a all new level where I cannot be around him even when he is not drinking/smoking.
Since he started smoking that **** and associating with those people, his disease has progressed to a all new level where I cannot be around him even when he is not drinking/smoking.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I lol'ed at the Mark Twain quote. That's too funny.
On a serious tip, I understand what you mean about the date. My ex gets his VA disability money on the 1st, so that was always the day for him to embark on another epic bender. For some crazy reason I always contemplate calling him early in the month, just to have that "gotcha" moment because I know he'll be drinking. I never do, but the thought creeps in.
Time to leave him to his cat- tail, claws and all.
Sigh.
Thanks for this. I needed it today.
On a serious tip, I understand what you mean about the date. My ex gets his VA disability money on the 1st, so that was always the day for him to embark on another epic bender. For some crazy reason I always contemplate calling him early in the month, just to have that "gotcha" moment because I know he'll be drinking. I never do, but the thought creeps in.
Time to leave him to his cat- tail, claws and all.
Sigh.
Thanks for this. I needed it today.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
I can't get past the Mark Twain quote.
I'll have to come back and ponder this some more once I get the image of a man trying to carry Grumpy Cat (Now referred to as Carlotta Cat) by the tail out of my head.
I'll have to come back and ponder this some more once I get the image of a man trying to carry Grumpy Cat (Now referred to as Carlotta Cat) by the tail out of my head.
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