Erratic

I have no choice in having to give up spirits or drink.

My daughter is having health probs which is psychological which we had test done as endoscope on Thursday. there was no signs of ulcer or problems causing her to have stomach pain and all that. So looks like my drinking and home life has caused her to react in having problems physically which im to blame.

I except that but she is blaming herself in not talking and hell she cant talk to me.

Sry im trying to give up drinking, I have health probs myself which im receiving test results on wed.

I have been thinking since Thursday about what im going to to do. To start off is I don't drink vodka that's my drink and in the house. Next is I don't drink through the day before work, due to I cant hide beer or anything. so I will withdrawal from alcohol this week.

The question is, I have been to AA and I have to do it for myself. but can I do it for my daughter and husband?

I am so worried about my daughter it has now made effect that I don't want her to suffer because I drink.

I guess im going to need this place a lot, due to my daughter does mean more to me than drink, but dam the drink has a hold of me. I am going to beat this, just trying to find away.

I need some advice, can I do it without needing to do it for myself? can I stop spirits but if I need a hit of alcohol will something else help me? I know beer or anything going to change things. Last time I gave up was I was on beer so looked easier, but on spirits its soooo much harder. im just trying to think of how to stop!

I gave up when I was on beer 6 yrs ago and gave up cigs, so im looking into getting in state of mind to swap.

Sry for long post and I keep on trying and also I keep on hoping.

Anna

In my opinion, you need to do this for yourself.

Though, I truly hope and pray that you find a way to help your daughter.

Alcohol is alcohol and it matters not whether you drink beer, wine or liquor. Stopping is the only way to go for alcoholics.

LBrain

I'm not sure I understand. If you do it for yourself everyone benefits.

It's the same thing as the flight attendant tells you when the oxygen mask appears.
Put one on yourself before you try to help others.

You get yourself right. Hopefully everything else will become clearer. Until you realize that doing it for yourself is paramount, you will always think you don't have to. As soon as everyone else gets better you'll think it's okay to drink again. And that is wrong thinking.

Dee74

I think you need to do it for yourself, erratic otherwise the likelihood is it won't work.

You wouldn't be the first to give up for someone then start drinking when your daughters not there, or trying to hide it.

if you're already thinking looking for other ways to 'get a hit' - chances are you'll have a tough road.

I know you have other things going on besides alcoholism - are you seeing someone about that? I think recovery depends on us looking at all of our issues.

D

EternalNow

In my opinion go to meetings and read the 12 steps and start trying to understand them. Start looking around for someone with some sobriety time who you like and trust to help you understand and stop drinking...today! Thats a start, and who and why you're doing it is secondary. Just get into action.

anykey

This walk wont be instant- you have to put 100% into it.

Do it for you.

MythOfSisyphus

Doing it for her is also doing it for you. Whatever it takes to motivate you, that's the answer!

AlcoholFree66

Hi Erratic - my daughter, son and husband were a driving factor for me but I know that being sober is the life I want to lead.
My daughter had started to vocalise her anger, sadness and immense disappoint on each occasion I picked up a drink again, after promising that I wouldn't drink. I had no option if I wanted my teenage children to have any respect for me.
I think Dee hit the nail on the head - I tried to drink without my daughter knowing - started off by drinking when she wasn't around but that wasn't enough, tried drinking (sculling) from my husbands glass ......and eventually (quickly actually) she discovered I was drinking again (not like I'd really stopped for any amount of time!) - her anger and sadness that I needed to be so deceitful with her was tremendous.

About a week before I joined this forum (Day 13 sober today) I saw her on a website called COAP (Children of Addicted Parents) - she couldn't talk to any of her friends because she was so ashamed and feared being shunned & my husband kept defending my behaviour - my girl was desperate! She also emailed me articles about daughters of alcoholic mothers. So my family is a driving factor in getting sober but I was also 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' and do know through a decent period of sobriety in the past (6 years) that I enjoy life soooooo much more sober. Hope this is helpful.

Erratic

Thanks for ur responses xx

I guess the road is I have to do it for myself and that will be doing it for her. How my brain works as dee knows is I do have mental health probs which can prove hard in doing anything nice or do things for myself. sry im sure that doesn't make sense.

I am sitting here thinking how I am going to do this, but I guess I can think forever, I just need to do it!

I am going to have to keep it in the day and not look to far ahead in being absent from alcohol. Also keep telling myself I can cope with daily life with out a drink!

Again thanks for all ur input it has made rethink things.

Upward2Enlightenment

That is the way to think erratic. The first week I was sober I was doing it for my family then it finally clicked that I need to do this for myself. That way if my sobriety doesn't solve my family problems, I don't go back.

Stay strong, get all the support you can, and use it.

soberclover

I had my first ulcer when I was 16. I thank my dad, the active alcoholic for that. And.....by the way.....I turned in to an alcoholic too......just something to think about.

Amazingglazier

Erratic Welcome to SR ! I am sorry for your troubles. YOU need to do this for YOU! If you try to say to yourself , well I better stop for my daughters sake or this or that, your attempt at sobriety in my opinion will be short lived. Before we can help anyone else, we must help ourselves! SR has given me more to keep myself away from drinking than anything i've tried. When we get sober and start enjoying the fruits of sobriety, so in the natural course of things ,others all around us also benefit! I like to call them "Collateral Winners" ! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Erratic

I never made it today with out a drink. usual sunday after work! My family is trying to support me, but they want me to act rather than say.

Im here with my daughter, she is in her room and wont come out. I had my drink and im sitting here myself. Do u think that maybe I should get it? Family doesn't want me to drink? carry on I am by myself?

wanted to put face masks on and things with daughter, but I had a drink, so it wont happen.

Ive got it, but dam can I actually flippen do it?

sigh!

Trying to find something else I can do and not think about drink.

sry for the negative, I am and will keep trying. so back again tomorrow and not drink.

Anna

So what will you do differently tomorrow?

Can you see yourself making a significant change so that you can stay sober tomorrow? I hope so.

Erratic

Yeah, the need to do and change my day for me to be sober.

I had in good heart to be sober today, but never happened. So good heart doesn't work. so what next? I guess I haven't got it, but I know that I need to. I will get results on wed about my limp node which is enlarged and see if its anything.

I know I shouldn't wait until finding out things, I need to do it so I can survive. I don't know my mental health is ive been like this for a very long time trying to destroy myself and knowing that my health is declining is I don't know how to stop!

I am scared, that its to late but I don't know any other way in living. sry that's how its been since I was 13 and im now 43 this yr. I want to live for my daughter, but dam the addiction of this drink is soo flippen hard for me.

sry for being so full on. I am still trying to fight it and fight myself.

Dee74

do you see a therapist Erratic ?

D

Erratic

Hi dee, I see a psychiatrist which I have had therapy in the past. I am supposed to go back to psycho therapy but I cant not until my daughter goes back to school. When she does I wont need to worry about her and then concentrate on myself.

Thanks again for everyones interest and replies. x

hopeful4

Question, why do you think once your DD goes back to school you won't have to worry about her?

My little daughter, age 8, has anxiety b/c her father chooses to drink and what it has done to our household. When we took her for some tests for dyslexia at age 5, she tested just fine and extremely smart. She also tested borderline for high anxiety they told us to watch for that and at the first sign to get her some immediate counseling and help.

Does your DD see a counselor? It sounds to me like you should both be going (separately).

Good Luck. Do this for you. Do this for her. Do this for everyone around you, most especially yourself.

Erratic

Hi hope, my daughter is seeing a social worker, support worker and councillor.

I have always made sure she would get help due to my mental health disorder. Things over the years has now started. she is now 15yrs and I know what through out her younger was that school and others was aware of my condition.

I don't hide from her social care, as I do have my husband aswell which I think makes things a lot better than It could be.

Anyway, I have started not to drink through the day, have had couple of drinks past evenings after work and building on going absent.

I got my results today which said I don't have cancer of lymph node and told me to cut down or give up what im doing. so im working on it.

Thanks again for all input xx

HeadLump

That's great news, Erratic You can still write yourself a new future if you start now xx