unwinding alcohol from your life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
unwinding alcohol from your life
I'm committed to quitting, but struggling and working to come to terms with a lot of things.
I'm a home brewer, mostly beer but I've also made wine. Over the years I've spent a lot of my free time going to wineries & breweries, finding wines and beers that I enjoyed. I also love cooking and enjoyed beer/wine with food. I started brewing a little over 10 years ago and got into wines and micro brews years before that.
The past few years though, once the good stuff ran out it's been a lot more cheap beer and liquor. Drinking was about drinking. I drank every day, and if I was at home I would talk myself into drinking earlier and earlier over time. Vacations were all out binges.
At times in the past when I've had major drinking incidents and thought about quitting, it usually occured to me at some point how invested I've become in drinking, how much of my life is about alcohol. My first reaction is one of sadness and also shame. It feels like a death or break up. I feel like I'm going to lose the enjoyment from those experiences I've had when drinking, and also as a home brewer it will be harder for me to just quit under the radar of others. Everybody will know and judge, I have all this equipment as a reminder. It will also be a while before I can be around a lot of the upcoming summer festivals without it making me want to drink.
I also come to realize how much freedom I will have by taking alcohol out of my life, how many arguments and how much money and time I've spent on it. I can do anything with that time now. I know it was always the experiences that brought the good memories I have and not the alcohol itself. The booze just brought arguments, lost memories and more DWI close calls that I can count.
I guess that just being a few days in to quitting this time around, that's where I'm at. I sit down for dinner and I want that beer or glass of wine. I'm still in my mind unwinding my association alcohol with good times and learning to just enjoy and appreciate life without it. Part of my identity is changing and it's a lot more difficult to adjust than simply "not drinking" unfortunately. I'm happy to walk away from booze, but it's definitely going to take some time.
I'm a home brewer, mostly beer but I've also made wine. Over the years I've spent a lot of my free time going to wineries & breweries, finding wines and beers that I enjoyed. I also love cooking and enjoyed beer/wine with food. I started brewing a little over 10 years ago and got into wines and micro brews years before that.
The past few years though, once the good stuff ran out it's been a lot more cheap beer and liquor. Drinking was about drinking. I drank every day, and if I was at home I would talk myself into drinking earlier and earlier over time. Vacations were all out binges.
At times in the past when I've had major drinking incidents and thought about quitting, it usually occured to me at some point how invested I've become in drinking, how much of my life is about alcohol. My first reaction is one of sadness and also shame. It feels like a death or break up. I feel like I'm going to lose the enjoyment from those experiences I've had when drinking, and also as a home brewer it will be harder for me to just quit under the radar of others. Everybody will know and judge, I have all this equipment as a reminder. It will also be a while before I can be around a lot of the upcoming summer festivals without it making me want to drink.
I also come to realize how much freedom I will have by taking alcohol out of my life, how many arguments and how much money and time I've spent on it. I can do anything with that time now. I know it was always the experiences that brought the good memories I have and not the alcohol itself. The booze just brought arguments, lost memories and more DWI close calls that I can count.
I guess that just being a few days in to quitting this time around, that's where I'm at. I sit down for dinner and I want that beer or glass of wine. I'm still in my mind unwinding my association alcohol with good times and learning to just enjoy and appreciate life without it. Part of my identity is changing and it's a lot more difficult to adjust than simply "not drinking" unfortunately. I'm happy to walk away from booze, but it's definitely going to take some time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
It's perfectly normal to feel grief I think nmd.
Alcohol took a large portion of our life, like a friend that's always there for us.
But comes a time like you have to realize that it's not so much of a friend after all.
Alcohol took a large portion of our life, like a friend that's always there for us.
But comes a time like you have to realize that it's not so much of a friend after all.
Karate girl
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 109
Congrats on making the decision to quit! I understand the sadness you feel, but I can assure you that feeling won't last! In the days right after I quit, I remember automatically reaching for a drink that wasn't there. It was like muscle memory. Over time, I replaced those memories with other things and after a while I didn't even think about drinking anymore. I have better things to look forward to now 
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Wow. I can taste, feel, smell, hear, touch the loss in your post.
Today is my day3.
I got to the point where the importance became not about how much there was to lose or give up by removing alcohol, but about how much I wanted only things with true meaning to enter and remain in my life.
Relationships with meaning are a big one. Writing with purpose. Activities with determination. The list goes on and on.
The culture of alcohol brought a lot into my life over a long period of time but has definitely taken back more than I ever would agreed to give.
Best of luck with your journey.
Today is my day3.
I got to the point where the importance became not about how much there was to lose or give up by removing alcohol, but about how much I wanted only things with true meaning to enter and remain in my life.
Relationships with meaning are a big one. Writing with purpose. Activities with determination. The list goes on and on.
The culture of alcohol brought a lot into my life over a long period of time but has definitely taken back more than I ever would agreed to give.
Best of luck with your journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yeah, I can relate. There are so many parts of life that became associated with drinking. Why? Well, because we were always drinking.
Feel good? Drink.
Feel bad? Drink.
Dinnertime? Drink.
Picnic with the kids? Drink.
Family barbecues? Drink.
Want a hobby? Brew stuff to drink.
Friends? Hang out with em.... and drink.
When so much in life either revolves around or at least has to include drinking - it feels really uncomfortable and fearful and different to do those things and NOT drink. But over time we begin to realize that all those things actually CAN still happen without drinking.
And almost always - they're actually a lot better for it.
Feel good? Drink.
Feel bad? Drink.
Dinnertime? Drink.
Picnic with the kids? Drink.
Family barbecues? Drink.
Want a hobby? Brew stuff to drink.
Friends? Hang out with em.... and drink.
When so much in life either revolves around or at least has to include drinking - it feels really uncomfortable and fearful and different to do those things and NOT drink. But over time we begin to realize that all those things actually CAN still happen without drinking.
And almost always - they're actually a lot better for it.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by nmd 
I'm committed to quitting, but struggling and working to come to terms with a lot of things.
I'm a home brewer, mostly beer but I've also made wine. Over the years I've spent a lot of my free time going to wineries & breweries, finding wines and beers that I enjoyed. I also love cooking and enjoyed beer/wine with food. I started brewing a little over 10 years ago and got into wines and micro brews years before that.
The past few years though, once the good stuff ran out it's been a lot more cheap beer and liquor. Drinking was about drinking. I drank every day, and if I was at home I would talk myself into drinking earlier and earlier over time. Vacations were all out binges.
At times in the past when I've had major drinking incidents and thought about quitting, it usually occured to me at some point how invested I've become in drinking, how much of my life is about alcohol. My first reaction is one of sadness and also shame. It feels like a death or break up. I feel like I'm going to lose the enjoyment from those experiences I've had when drinking, and also as a home brewer it will be harder for me to just quit under the radar of others. Everybody will know and judge, I have all this equipment as a reminder. It will also be a while before I can be around a lot of the upcoming summer festivals without it making me want to drink.
I also come to realize how much freedom I will have by taking alcohol out of my life, how many arguments and how much money and time I've spent on it. I can do anything with that time now. I know it was always the experiences that brought the good memories I have and not the alcohol itself. The booze just brought arguments, lost memories and more DWI close calls that I can count.
I guess that just being a few days in to quitting this time around, that's where I'm at. I sit down for dinner and I want that beer or glass of wine. I'm still in my mind unwinding my association alcohol with good times and learning to just enjoy and appreciate life without it. Part of my identity is changing and it's a lot more difficult to adjust than simply "not drinking" unfortunately. I'm happy to walk away from booze, but it's definitely going to take some time.
I'm a home brewer, mostly beer but I've also made wine. Over the years I've spent a lot of my free time going to wineries & breweries, finding wines and beers that I enjoyed. I also love cooking and enjoyed beer/wine with food. I started brewing a little over 10 years ago and got into wines and micro brews years before that.
The past few years though, once the good stuff ran out it's been a lot more cheap beer and liquor. Drinking was about drinking. I drank every day, and if I was at home I would talk myself into drinking earlier and earlier over time. Vacations were all out binges.
At times in the past when I've had major drinking incidents and thought about quitting, it usually occured to me at some point how invested I've become in drinking, how much of my life is about alcohol. My first reaction is one of sadness and also shame. It feels like a death or break up. I feel like I'm going to lose the enjoyment from those experiences I've had when drinking, and also as a home brewer it will be harder for me to just quit under the radar of others. Everybody will know and judge, I have all this equipment as a reminder. It will also be a while before I can be around a lot of the upcoming summer festivals without it making me want to drink.
I also come to realize how much freedom I will have by taking alcohol out of my life, how many arguments and how much money and time I've spent on it. I can do anything with that time now. I know it was always the experiences that brought the good memories I have and not the alcohol itself. The booze just brought arguments, lost memories and more DWI close calls that I can count.
I guess that just being a few days in to quitting this time around, that's where I'm at. I sit down for dinner and I want that beer or glass of wine. I'm still in my mind unwinding my association alcohol with good times and learning to just enjoy and appreciate life without it. Part of my identity is changing and it's a lot more difficult to adjust than simply "not drinking" unfortunately. I'm happy to walk away from booze, but it's definitely going to take some time.
Have a great weekend.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
I agree that it's a huge adjustment - and there's definitely a grieving process. I think that's why some of us cave early on.
Even though I admitted alcohol had brought me to my knees, I was terrified to find out what life would be like without it. I went through many phases as I healed. In the beginning, I was resentful & sorry for myself that I couldn't be a social drinker. At first it was all about what I was losing, not the life I'd be gaining. I longed for the old euphoria drinking once gave me. Yet if I was honest - those long ago, fun drinking days were decades in the past. There was no way to regain the years in which I had some control - they were gone forever. It was time to reach out for the life I had left - and I needed to stop living it in a haze.
That was a helpful & thought provoking post nmd. Thank you.
Even though I admitted alcohol had brought me to my knees, I was terrified to find out what life would be like without it. I went through many phases as I healed. In the beginning, I was resentful & sorry for myself that I couldn't be a social drinker. At first it was all about what I was losing, not the life I'd be gaining. I longed for the old euphoria drinking once gave me. Yet if I was honest - those long ago, fun drinking days were decades in the past. There was no way to regain the years in which I had some control - they were gone forever. It was time to reach out for the life I had left - and I needed to stop living it in a haze.
That was a helpful & thought provoking post nmd. Thank you.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by nmd
.....how invested I've become in drinking
A large majority of my life..the leisure time spent was to "invest" in drinking rather than cultivating interest in other things. It was my major hobby. As the years passed I had less and less passion for other things...less purpose.
I recently read that without purpose in life..there is no passion. That explained a lot for me. In the 4 months or so of sobriety I chalked up last year ....possibility returned to my life as did appreciation of simpler things. Nevertheless I allowed alcohol back in my life and I quit making deposits in my own account...I quit investing in me and instead started spending more and more leisure time...with alcohol.
Yes you will have to let go of a lot of past practices but I do believe part of sobriety is finding new passions and productivity....
My legs are shaky too my friend. I appreciate this post very much. It helped me today.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Well, lots of people lose interest in a hobby, and I am sure lots of home brewers have lost interest in it and moved on to other things. You recognize that your stake in it probably goes much deeper than a hobby so you are sensitive to what other people might think.
I wouldn't worry about it: you can't assume that "everyone will know and judge", actually they may not.
Normal people don't have that special attachment to alcohol that we have, so when we cut the tie, they don't see it as a huge event. It's only to us that it's a huge event like the shifting of the earths magnetic fields.
I was convinced that others would be really curious about my sobriety, and that it would become a difficult topic and a problem at events. The fact is that it never came up and no one seemed to care. But, I didn't have drinking buddies.
If you have a lot of ties based on drinking, then, yes, it will come up. There might be a difficult path to travel in that case, if your social life is based essentially on drinking, you may find that you will have to end those friendships or at least put them on hold. But, most folks haven't grieved the loss of those kinds of friendships after they have experienced sober friendships.
I wouldn't worry about it: you can't assume that "everyone will know and judge", actually they may not.
Normal people don't have that special attachment to alcohol that we have, so when we cut the tie, they don't see it as a huge event. It's only to us that it's a huge event like the shifting of the earths magnetic fields.
I was convinced that others would be really curious about my sobriety, and that it would become a difficult topic and a problem at events. The fact is that it never came up and no one seemed to care. But, I didn't have drinking buddies.
If you have a lot of ties based on drinking, then, yes, it will come up. There might be a difficult path to travel in that case, if your social life is based essentially on drinking, you may find that you will have to end those friendships or at least put them on hold. But, most folks haven't grieved the loss of those kinds of friendships after they have experienced sober friendships.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
Originally Posted by Hevyn
I agree that it's a huge adjustment - and there's definitely a grieving process. I think that's why some of us cave early on.
Even though I admitted alcohol had brought me to my knees, I was terrified to find out what life would be like without it. I went through many phases as I healed. In the beginning, I was resentful & sorry for myself that I couldn't be a social drinker. At first it was all about what I was losing, not the life I'd be gaining. I longed for the old euphoria drinking once gave me. Yet if I was honest - those long ago, fun drinking days were decades in the past. There was no way to regain the years in which I had some control - they were gone forever. It was time to reach out for the life I had left - and I needed to stop living it in a haze.
That was a helpful & thought provoking post nmd. Thank you.
Even though I admitted alcohol had brought me to my knees, I was terrified to find out what life would be like without it. I went through many phases as I healed. In the beginning, I was resentful & sorry for myself that I couldn't be a social drinker. At first it was all about what I was losing, not the life I'd be gaining. I longed for the old euphoria drinking once gave me. Yet if I was honest - those long ago, fun drinking days were decades in the past. There was no way to regain the years in which I had some control - they were gone forever. It was time to reach out for the life I had left - and I needed to stop living it in a haze.
That was a helpful & thought provoking post nmd. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 37
Hey fellow home-brewer. I can relate to every word you wrote. I, too, had an ongoing affair with beer - IPAs, Porters, Stouts and of course, good old cheap lagers that come in boxes of 30. I look back over the last 30 years and my old friend beer was with me through thick and thin. It'll be 12 weeks next Thursday since I last had a drink. The first week was really hard. I went to bed early a lot and took long walks or bike rides at 5:00 when that old familiar craving would hit. It does get easier.
I still think about it, but when I start to fantasize about some 'perfect drinking scenario' I don't dwell on it. I focus on how much better the rest of life is without it. Hang in there!
I still think about it, but when I start to fantasize about some 'perfect drinking scenario' I don't dwell on it. I focus on how much better the rest of life is without it. Hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
Thank you all for the suggestions and support, the time and words shared mean alot.
i especially like the ideas of competitive bbq and woodworking. Im a decent bbqer, and i have many a unfinished project in my garage including a woodstrip canoe.
Some things ive been doing...
I just bought myself a shiny new juicer, i want to expand out from the diet pop and coffee. Health wise my trglycerides have been high because of drinking, and my physical fitness has plateaued because of all the booze as well.
I try to work out regularly. im also very involved with my children (3 of my own, 1 my girlfriends) my girlfriend and children are my reason for existance and i love them to death.
I already stated i love cooking and food (and i have a small garden), i just struggle with the booze associations. You never see someone crack a beer at the gym do you, lol?
Ill probably have to graduate in my sobriety to handle bbq fests.
I picked up guitar my last long stretch sober, and i was really into it for a while, but i kind of like working with my hands and seeing the results.
i especially like the ideas of competitive bbq and woodworking. Im a decent bbqer, and i have many a unfinished project in my garage including a woodstrip canoe.
Some things ive been doing...
I just bought myself a shiny new juicer, i want to expand out from the diet pop and coffee. Health wise my trglycerides have been high because of drinking, and my physical fitness has plateaued because of all the booze as well.
I try to work out regularly. im also very involved with my children (3 of my own, 1 my girlfriends) my girlfriend and children are my reason for existance and i love them to death.
I already stated i love cooking and food (and i have a small garden), i just struggle with the booze associations. You never see someone crack a beer at the gym do you, lol?
Ill probably have to graduate in my sobriety to handle bbq fests.
I picked up guitar my last long stretch sober, and i was really into it for a while, but i kind of like working with my hands and seeing the results.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 37
Woodstrip canoe? Wait, is this me? I built a woodstrip kayak between homebrew batches. As for alternative drink suggestions - may I suggest San Pelligrino sparkling mineral water. A dash of juice or lime and it's pretty good stuff.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome to the club nmd.
First thing you may want to do it to make a few bucks back by selling your equipment on ebay or craigslist. your description is very familiar. you'll get plenty of support and suggestions here. just keep posting.
I am reminded of my cinco de mayo party. People since last summer were asking me if I was having one this year. I make a lot of authentic dishes and had a plethora of top shelf tequilas. Negra Modelo, etc. In December a guy at work came up to me talking about a new tequila he discovered and asked for my opinion on it. I told him it's not a good idea for me to talk about that stuff - this was before I quit drinking. Funny now, it is ironic this happened about a week before alcohol 'officially' ruined my life.
It's good that you are getting out relatively unscathed nmd. Glad to hear it. I would hold off on the bar-b-q until you get some time sober.
First thing you may want to do it to make a few bucks back by selling your equipment on ebay or craigslist. your description is very familiar. you'll get plenty of support and suggestions here. just keep posting.
I am reminded of my cinco de mayo party. People since last summer were asking me if I was having one this year. I make a lot of authentic dishes and had a plethora of top shelf tequilas. Negra Modelo, etc. In December a guy at work came up to me talking about a new tequila he discovered and asked for my opinion on it. I told him it's not a good idea for me to talk about that stuff - this was before I quit drinking. Funny now, it is ironic this happened about a week before alcohol 'officially' ruined my life.
It's good that you are getting out relatively unscathed nmd. Glad to hear it. I would hold off on the bar-b-q until you get some time sober.
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