Day 2. Hope for me?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Day 2. Hope for me?
Well, I’m “coming back” once again….. turns out I’m not all that great at controlling my drinking after all. Day 2 – feeling like garbage. Haven’t slept, having anxiety/panic attacks, all the usual stuff to be expected when we stop abruptly after a bender.
Emotionally - I’m feeling pretty damn defeated – but in a good way. In the same way I’ve felt defeated before, when I was about to embark on a decent chunk of sobriety and start really putting the work in to succeed.
I went to a meeting last night and a meeting the night before. It’s weird – all of my “recovery” buddies that I’ve been talking to again seem to be struggling too, not with drinking like me, but in other aspects of life. Relationships, work, depression, etc. etc. I swear, it seems like everybody’s lives are just filled with struggle and pain right now. I’m trying to be encouraging and listen to my friends and be of support, but it’s hard when I’m in the place that I am right now, not to be brought down by it myself.
It’s like… it starts to make me feel like, maybe – sober or not, “recovered” or not, life is just one huge struggle after another. A never ending cycle of pain and suffering. What I selfishly want is to hear hope from these people – I want to hear about how much better their lives are now that they are sober and working the program. I want to hear that because it motivates me to keep coming back and to strive to find what they have.
But I’m not hearing that.
I’m going to another meeting tonight. Maybe I’ll start to hear it. Or maybe some of you wonderful SR friends will share some hope with me
Xo.
Emotionally - I’m feeling pretty damn defeated – but in a good way. In the same way I’ve felt defeated before, when I was about to embark on a decent chunk of sobriety and start really putting the work in to succeed.
I went to a meeting last night and a meeting the night before. It’s weird – all of my “recovery” buddies that I’ve been talking to again seem to be struggling too, not with drinking like me, but in other aspects of life. Relationships, work, depression, etc. etc. I swear, it seems like everybody’s lives are just filled with struggle and pain right now. I’m trying to be encouraging and listen to my friends and be of support, but it’s hard when I’m in the place that I am right now, not to be brought down by it myself.
It’s like… it starts to make me feel like, maybe – sober or not, “recovered” or not, life is just one huge struggle after another. A never ending cycle of pain and suffering. What I selfishly want is to hear hope from these people – I want to hear about how much better their lives are now that they are sober and working the program. I want to hear that because it motivates me to keep coming back and to strive to find what they have.
But I’m not hearing that.
I’m going to another meeting tonight. Maybe I’ll start to hear it. Or maybe some of you wonderful SR friends will share some hope with me
Xo.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you are back Mrrryah. Sounds like perhaps the specific group of people at your meeting might be dwelling on the negative - perhaps try a different time or different group?
I can tell you that my life is absolutely, without question better now that I am sober. In every possible way. I feel better, my relationships are better, my work is better, EVERYTHING is better.
Having said that, yes - life is hard. It always will be. Sobriety in itself is not going to change the things that happen around us -but it does prepare us to much more easily deal with those issues rather than running away and hiding in a bottle ( and making them worse ).
Glad to hear you are trying again, keep going to meetings and reading/writing here on SR - you can do this!
I can tell you that my life is absolutely, without question better now that I am sober. In every possible way. I feel better, my relationships are better, my work is better, EVERYTHING is better.
Having said that, yes - life is hard. It always will be. Sobriety in itself is not going to change the things that happen around us -but it does prepare us to much more easily deal with those issues rather than running away and hiding in a bottle ( and making them worse ).
Glad to hear you are trying again, keep going to meetings and reading/writing here on SR - you can do this!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry that your stuggles continue.
I wish you had posted to SR before you drank. We might have been able to remind you before drinking what you already know.
You can't drink.
As for life being a stuggle. For many it is. Why add to it by drinking. And who knows what a year of recovery would do in changing you're attitude about life...until you try.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 
...turns out I’m not all that great at controlling my drinking after all.
You can't drink.
As for life being a stuggle. For many it is. Why add to it by drinking. And who knows what a year of recovery would do in changing you're attitude about life...until you try.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I find that since I got sober, a big 10 days ago I feel a lot more positive and happy.
Alcohol was depressing the hell out of me.
+ I saved around $250 not buying booze, that's a definite motivator as well!
Alcohol was depressing the hell out of me.
+ I saved around $250 not buying booze, that's a definite motivator as well!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
that's how it seems to work for most
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1
What I selfishly want is to hear hope from these people – I want to hear about how much better their lives are now that they are sober and working the program.
life has no guarantees
but
I must say
90 % of my sober friends in AA
claim their life today to be the best they have ever tasted
I agree with that
many will sober up and wonder exactly what sober life will be like
we need to do our part
and ask of God to help us with the rest
that's how it seems to work for most
MM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Welcome back, Mrrryah. I have been wondering how you were. Sorry to hear that you have been having a difficult time.
Life will always have its challenges; for some of us those challenges will be extraordinary. For me, dealing with life and those challenges in sobriety has been so much better than trying to deal in a haze or a hungover state.
Keep posting. SR is in your corner.
Life will always have its challenges; for some of us those challenges will be extraordinary. For me, dealing with life and those challenges in sobriety has been so much better than trying to deal in a haze or a hungover state.
Keep posting. SR is in your corner.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Life is just life Myrrah. It has its ups and it's downs.
What I find is that, through it all, recovery gives me a kind of emotional gyroscope...I'm not a saint, but so far at least, I like to think I've never been too far from a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what else might be going on in my life
What I find is that, through it all, recovery gives me a kind of emotional gyroscope...I'm not a saint, but so far at least, I like to think I've never been too far from a sense of peace and serenity, no matter what else might be going on in my life
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think you might need to shift your perception.
I know I did because I used to feel like you did and I kept waiting for things outside of me to be okay. They never were. There was always something. The only thing I could control was how I reacted (or didn't react) to what was happening in my life.
I'm really glad you're back.
I know I did because I used to feel like you did and I kept waiting for things outside of me to be okay. They never were. There was always something. The only thing I could control was how I reacted (or didn't react) to what was happening in my life.
I'm really glad you're back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Mrrryah - For a while I dwelled on the idea that sober life (life in general really) may always be filled with struggle. After a while I realized that it didn't really matter because it was outside my control. Also, if it was as bad as my AV told me then there wouldn't be any sober people on the planet.
If I used my struggles would be greater. If I was clean / sober they would be less. That is really what it came down to, because that was something I could influence.
If I used my struggles would be greater. If I was clean / sober they would be less. That is really what it came down to, because that was something I could influence.
Yes, there is hope, and if you can't find it, you've got to make it. Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 16
Day 2 is fantastic progress! We all have been addicted to the drug of our choice for some time now and we want out. I chose prescription narcotics and my desire for them spiraled out of control. I had a terrible second day coming off my drug and the mental state an physical withdrawals were awful, but I find myself here on day three feeling much better and luckily i have found this forum with others like yourself with similar issues. You're not alone, I hope your sobriety comes easier and easier as time goes by. Enjoy your life with a clear mind free of substance abuse day by day.
Riles
Riles
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Mrrryah.
What each of us here have in common is our suffering; that rare kind of suffering that is both unnecessary and avoidable.
Life doesn't come with a prepackaged meaning or purpose for us, and there's no users' manual or customer support. I've learned that many of us shrink from the awesome responsibility of creating our own purpose, our own path. Disengaging from who we truly are by drinking -- or by doing anything else that derails us from our authentic selves -- only makes matters worse. The process happens very slowly and in increments that are small enough to escape our awareness until it smacks us in the face. Some people might refer to this as a type of "bottom." I'd call it an "existential moment" or "boundary situation," since it shakes us at our very being.
Too often we just settle in life, and by that very decision we forever carry a nagging sense of dissatisfaction...in work, relationships, and whatever else it is that gets us out of bed each day. We'd rather work for someone else, than work for ourselves. We'd rather settle for a serviceable partner than take the risk of being truly in love. We'd rather take what we can from life than offer the very best to ourselves and to our lives, and to the lives of others. A decrepit sense of security trumps fulfillment, even happiness. All this with one eye on the clock, since our own mortality provides for a final judgment.
The outcome of all this maneuvering in the service of feeling safe is often surprising: "How did I get here?" But I've been "getting here" for quite some time by the time I realize it. Embracing life with a genuine desire to know and be who we actually are rather than as who we'd like to be or who we think we are, is one of the few ways of navigating through life that provides for a sense of meaning. But the learning process is difficult and rife with conflict. And heartache. The "easy" life is never the most fulfilling.
As an alcoholic, I'm called upon to either make a commitment to life or surrender to death. And a commitment to life, for me, is a commitment to a better life which, in turn, means embracing everything that comes with it, both things that break my heart and lift my soul.
There is peace to be found in not always knowing. Sometimes, on both my best and worst of days, I find it in reminding myself that life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived.
What each of us here have in common is our suffering; that rare kind of suffering that is both unnecessary and avoidable.
Life doesn't come with a prepackaged meaning or purpose for us, and there's no users' manual or customer support. I've learned that many of us shrink from the awesome responsibility of creating our own purpose, our own path. Disengaging from who we truly are by drinking -- or by doing anything else that derails us from our authentic selves -- only makes matters worse. The process happens very slowly and in increments that are small enough to escape our awareness until it smacks us in the face. Some people might refer to this as a type of "bottom." I'd call it an "existential moment" or "boundary situation," since it shakes us at our very being.
Too often we just settle in life, and by that very decision we forever carry a nagging sense of dissatisfaction...in work, relationships, and whatever else it is that gets us out of bed each day. We'd rather work for someone else, than work for ourselves. We'd rather settle for a serviceable partner than take the risk of being truly in love. We'd rather take what we can from life than offer the very best to ourselves and to our lives, and to the lives of others. A decrepit sense of security trumps fulfillment, even happiness. All this with one eye on the clock, since our own mortality provides for a final judgment.
The outcome of all this maneuvering in the service of feeling safe is often surprising: "How did I get here?" But I've been "getting here" for quite some time by the time I realize it. Embracing life with a genuine desire to know and be who we actually are rather than as who we'd like to be or who we think we are, is one of the few ways of navigating through life that provides for a sense of meaning. But the learning process is difficult and rife with conflict. And heartache. The "easy" life is never the most fulfilling.
As an alcoholic, I'm called upon to either make a commitment to life or surrender to death. And a commitment to life, for me, is a commitment to a better life which, in turn, means embracing everything that comes with it, both things that break my heart and lift my soul.
There is peace to be found in not always knowing. Sometimes, on both my best and worst of days, I find it in reminding myself that life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmrrryah, Welcome Back! Life is not a bowl of cherries for anyone I know! But when I moan about not having money, I am grateful not to be drinking , as when I was I made lots of money but gave it to alcohol and it always wanted more! Rainy nights paying for cabs with a credit card to get to a ATM, just to go back to the bar to give some more money to Alcohol instead of taking the cab home to go to work the next day. Going to jail and spending $20000 on lawyers and fines for a DWI! Now tethered in my home with a bracelet on my ankle that senses though my skin for alcohol, that costs me $450 a month , oh and it has GPS to so they know every place I go! 58 years old and all I can do is go to work and go home by 6 pm, hows that for freedom and a easy life? 3 years probation where a stranger has the right to walk into my home or business and search them without being able to say no? Oh hell, no Mrryah, life has got to be easier than this and it will be for me, as long as I stick to my commitment not to drink! I don't want any of this or any pain or discomfort for you or any of our other SR friends or others out there, but you have to know that "Life is what you make it! Either an imperfect world to live in or a bottle to die with! Congrats on your 2 days! Now keep on being Strong! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
Last edited by Amazingglazier; 05-02-2014 at 08:05 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Hi Mrrryah.
What each of us here have in common is our suffering; that rare kind of suffering that is both unnecessary and avoidable.
Life doesn't come with a prepackaged meaning or purpose for us, and there's no users' manual or customer support. I've learned that many of us shrink from the awesome responsibility of creating our own purpose, our own path. Disengaging from who we truly are by drinking -- or by doing anything else that derails us from our authentic selves -- only makes matters worse. The process happens very slowly and in increments that are small enough to escape our awareness until it smacks us in the face. Some people might refer to this as a type of "bottom." I'd call it an "existential moment" or "boundary situation," since it shakes us at our very being.
Too often we just settle in life, and by that very decision we forever carry a nagging sense of dissatisfaction...in work, relationships, and whatever else it is that gets us out of bed each day. We'd rather work for someone else, than work for ourselves. We'd rather settle for a serviceable partner than take the risk of being truly in love. We'd rather take what we can from life than offer the very best to ourselves and to our lives, and to the lives of others. A decrepit sense of security trumps fulfillment, even happiness. All this with one eye on the clock, since our own mortality provides for a final judgment.
The outcome of all this maneuvering in the service of feeling safe is often surprising: "How did I get here?" But I've been "getting here" for quite some time by the time I realize it. Embracing life with a genuine desire to know and be who we actually are rather than as who we'd like to be or who we think we are, is one of the few ways of navigating through life that provides for a sense of meaning. But the learning process is difficult and rife with conflict. And heartache. The "easy" life is never the most fulfilling.
As an alcoholic, I'm called upon to either make a commitment to life or surrender to death. And a commitment to life, for me, is a commitment to a better life which, in turn, means embracing everything that comes with it, both things that break my heart and lift my soul.
There is peace to be found in not always knowing. Sometimes, on both my best and worst of days, I find it in reminding myself that life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived.
What each of us here have in common is our suffering; that rare kind of suffering that is both unnecessary and avoidable.
Life doesn't come with a prepackaged meaning or purpose for us, and there's no users' manual or customer support. I've learned that many of us shrink from the awesome responsibility of creating our own purpose, our own path. Disengaging from who we truly are by drinking -- or by doing anything else that derails us from our authentic selves -- only makes matters worse. The process happens very slowly and in increments that are small enough to escape our awareness until it smacks us in the face. Some people might refer to this as a type of "bottom." I'd call it an "existential moment" or "boundary situation," since it shakes us at our very being.
Too often we just settle in life, and by that very decision we forever carry a nagging sense of dissatisfaction...in work, relationships, and whatever else it is that gets us out of bed each day. We'd rather work for someone else, than work for ourselves. We'd rather settle for a serviceable partner than take the risk of being truly in love. We'd rather take what we can from life than offer the very best to ourselves and to our lives, and to the lives of others. A decrepit sense of security trumps fulfillment, even happiness. All this with one eye on the clock, since our own mortality provides for a final judgment.
The outcome of all this maneuvering in the service of feeling safe is often surprising: "How did I get here?" But I've been "getting here" for quite some time by the time I realize it. Embracing life with a genuine desire to know and be who we actually are rather than as who we'd like to be or who we think we are, is one of the few ways of navigating through life that provides for a sense of meaning. But the learning process is difficult and rife with conflict. And heartache. The "easy" life is never the most fulfilling.
As an alcoholic, I'm called upon to either make a commitment to life or surrender to death. And a commitment to life, for me, is a commitment to a better life which, in turn, means embracing everything that comes with it, both things that break my heart and lift my soul.
There is peace to be found in not always knowing. Sometimes, on both my best and worst of days, I find it in reminding myself that life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived.
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