jakec

I always think back to my previous attempts at recovery and dwell on what could have been. It's my disease talking to me. It wants me to feel bad and think that "I'll use again eventually anyways, so why bother?"

If I would have stayed clean this time I would be coming up on 6 months on the 18th.

But then again, I could have years sober if I stayed clean the first time, but I don't. I only have today - a daily reprieve from active addiction.

I always want all of the rewards of long-term sobriety RIGHT NOW. I don't want to wait months or years. I don't want to do stepwork. I don't want to do service. But you know what? It's what I need to do one day at a time and I need to remember that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Timmah

Hi jakec,

I totally agree. I have those feelings too. Beating this isn't impossible but it sure does feel that way. Like you said, one day at a time. I right there with ya.

Weasel1966

Hey jake... Good to see you around. Be well!

Nonsensical

If "ifs" and "buts"
Were candy and nuts
Oh what a party we'd have!

I do not regret one day I've spent sober. I cannot say the same for all the days I've spent otherwise. I have ceased compiling regrettable days - and that's a very positive thought.

Keep up the good work!

ScottFromWI

That should be a sticky....glad to hear you feel that way Jake.

I also feel that "what could be" is a much more important thing than "what could have been" myself.

nmd

I agree with ScottFromWI, planning your life and what could be gives you something positive to focus on, and it's something that you can actually do something about and have fun doing. We've all made mistakes and we can't undo them.

Raider

Oh Jake I'm sorry to hear about your relapse. Just keep on trying, that's what we do. Blessings to you sweet Friend.

Thepatman

Try not to look back too much, that's how we end up running into walls.

Your are sober now, just take that and hold it close to your heart. Everytime you feel like giving up, just think, no I'm sober now and don't take drugs anymore.

After a while, repeating this will stick. Repeat positive things, I can do this, I got this, I am more than this addiction,

jakec

For the record, I didn't relapse again. When I said I only have today I meant that I need to live one day at a time. But I will have 30 days next week!

Dee74

Everything that happened to me, good or bad, makes me who I am Jake.
It's the same for you.

It's now that counts

D

MIRecovery

Every day sober is a victory. Today is every bit as much of victory as was day one. The person who has been sober the longest is the one that got up earliest. I don't worry about how long I've been sober i worry about being sober today

Nuudawn

Ya I don't think dwelling on "what could've beens is too helpful". I am quite fond of this quote I stumbled across recently.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

― Lao Tzu

Not much I can do bout the past and the years I wasted but I can buoy my spirits and find good in today.