suncatcher

My xabf asked me to call in the rx for his blood pressure medicine a few weeks ago. I meant to but I forgot until he reminded me yesterday. In the past I would have done it right away or probably done it before he even asked me. Not sure why he can't or won't take on this task for himself. But I thought it was a small milestone that he had to actually remind me to do this for him as it doesn't come naturally to me anymore to take care of him that way that it used to. Yes, I did call his medicine in for him but rather nonchalantly. Is this progress or just delayed codependency? Just wondering...

hopeful4

I would vote that it's a little of both. It's definitely progress either way.

Maybe next time tell him the number to the pharmacy and ask him to call it in. Then stop calling it in all together. It can be a change over time, that still brings about change!

Good for you!

AnvilheadII

why are YOU refilling your EX boyfriend's prescriptions? yeah it's great you forgot, but you still did it when he reminded you. in that time he could have done it himself. that's called enabling.........

involved

I would think progress would look more like you kindly telling him that its time to take that responsibility on for himself and then sticking to it...letting him take care of himself!

hopeful4

O wow...I am just catching that is an X....wow....stop doing anything for him!

suncatcher

Hopeful4, he had the number because he gave it to me to call! Lol he just hates to call doctors or pharmacies and still likes to rely on me to do those things for him. I'm getting there but at a snails pace it seems at least he is not at the top of my priorities as he was for a long time.

hopeful4

Progress is progress and that is what counts!

XXX

honeypig

Agreeing w/those who say it's time for XAB to start dealing with stuff like the adult he is and not pushing things off on you b/c he "doesn't like dealing w/them." Isn't that what being a grownup is all about--handling it ALL, whether pleasant or unpleasant?

I still get so annoyed w/my A when he acts like he should get the Congressional Medal of Honor for dealing w/life's problems...that is how the REST of us behave all the freaking time!

(sigh) Well, we move ahead as best we can, right?

suncatcher

I know it's strange that he is an X but I have maintained
A friendship with him and his family. Good or bad I do care about him as a person. In his mind he still tends to think of me as a girlfriend even though in my mind that has been over for a long time. We don't see each other very often and are not intimate. I just keep in touch with him on occasion. We didn't have an ugly bitter breakup. I just moved an hour away and started distancing myself and detaching. Sounds crazy when I write it so I understand what you are saying. Just hard to cut ties completely and is it really necessary? He actually broke up with me but assumed I would take him back like I did in the past.

suncatcher

Thank you all for your honesty. I know I still tend to enable him at times when he calls. I do still need to work on that. Last time I was over there he woke up and peed on the floor right next to my flip flops! I was relieved it was his floor and not mine that time. I know he is sick but I was just as sick rescuing him all the time in one way or another. I have made progress but I still feel stuck in that weird place sometimes. I haven't moved on completely. Don't want another bad relationship. Still hang on to the friendship. But I'm figuring it out as I go along. Thanks for letting me think out loud here and for being here.

suncatcher

Oh and I did let him step in the pee and clean it up himself! Progress right?! Have a good weekend all!

embraced2000

it always amazes me that these people who are suffering with addictions can still manage to get their drug of choice, their cigarettes, any other thing that they consider ABSOLUTELY essential.......but, wait......hey....."I NEED HELP with these other non-essential things like RX refills, groceries, paying bills, home maintenance........(fill in the blanks)"

I say, if they are able to get their booze, they should be able to get their RX'S.

suncatcher

Amen embraced! So true!

suncatcher

That must be why a's are so drawn to codies like me... someone to do all those "other things" while they concentrate on the important stuff like beer guzzling and rolling fatties! Wow that's an aha moment. I'm working on the codependency. I can fix me at least

embraced2000

or is it that we, as codies, are attracted to someone who fills a need that we have?

suncatcher

Yes I think it goes both ways. That's why we stay so long. We go together like peas n carrots lol

Recovering2

Good God....it is not difficult to call in a prescription refill! You don't even have to talk to a real person! Follow the # prompts, and leave the info.

You are not helping him in the long run by taking care of his adult errands. You would benefit from Alanon. Figure out why you are okay with him peeing on the floor...not your floor..and why you will hang on to him rather than risk another bad relationship. If you spend the time and do the work..you may figure out why you are enmeshed in this and learn to NOT bring it into another relationship.

anykey

I am not aware that folks abuse blood pressure pills.

He could switch to a pharmacy that has automated- he could ask the DR for 90 day supplies.

One of the pharmacies I use is mail order- I do it all online.

suncatcher

Hi anykey. He doesn't abuse his blood pressure pills. He just asked me to call in his refill. Recovering 2, I know what you are saying and I have gone to alanon. I am not as enmeshed as I was a year ago. Not 100 percent detached either but not obsessed with what he is doing either. I am not OK with him peeing on the floor. It's his issue not mine. Just like his drinking is his issue. My issue is my codependency and I am working on that one step at a time. I am almost embarrassed that I posted that I called in his refill for him. But that is why I come to sr. I know I will get straight up, honest feed back. SR has actually helped me more than alanon. But I should probably work the steps. Thanks recovering 2 and everyone for reigning me in . At first I didn't think calling his medicine in was a big deal but I can see where I need to start telling him to do those things for himself.

embraced2000

it takes time suncatcher. sometimes, I did things too that were still enabling without even realizing I was doing it.

i came to know that down deep, i resented doing those things for my XAH because i was only doing it to keep things running smoothly.

little did i know that things were running smoothly into the ditch.

it just takes time. more will be revealed the longer you search and accept.