FreeOwl

Hey all...

I wonder if anyone else has experienced something that I experience. I'm wondering if it's something in how I'm wired, or something more related to alcohol damage to my brain-wiring.

I have a really hard time with memory. Memory as it pertains to my own life. Some of it is obvious - like thinking back over specific events that involved alcohol and not having the whole memory, just fragments.

But then there are times where alcohol wasn't directly involved and there are just whole chunks of my own life where I have only bits and pieces and can't connect them. Entire periods, missing.

Even today, I have difficulty it seems with recall of events or details sometimes. It makes me wonder if the fact that I started drinking at a young age - 14 - and had a lot of binge-drinking experiences steadily from that age on, perhaps did something to my memory-processing capability.

Anyone else experience this?

Dee74

There are huge gaps in my memory.

I'm still not sure whether it's alcohol or trauma or both, but yes there's a lot of things - blocks of years even - I simply don't remember.

In other ways my memory is great - I can keep track of most of the stuff here for example and remember songs and things I wrote 30 years ago - so...

D

FreeOwl

yeah me too, Dee.... some things are just fine. I have memories of certain things well back into childhood, but then other periods are just a complete blank and others are just jumbled fragments I can't seem to connect.

It's very strange and a little unsettling.

IOAA2

Me too! I'll come home put down my car keys and 10 minutes later spend too much time looking for them. Then I remember 30+ years ago pouring my last bottle down the drain and feeling sad. I can conveniently forget certain things.
I recall a Dr. on the radio say that the key "loss" is common, the problem is if we forget what the keys are for!

"Ya don't have to drink over it!"

BE WELL

Tang

Some of this can be due to age as well. I'm not saying it's not trauma, but age plays a big factor in memory detail from decades ago.

FreeOwl

yeah... I'm 41. There could be an element of that. But, it's been like this for a long time.

I think there's something else going on.

FeelingGreat

Hi FO, if it's just started kicking in, might be worth checking with the doctor. If you get the all-clear on that, then possibly it is due to long term alcohol abuse.

FreeOwl

thanks FG. Nope, this is something that's been around a while. I often wondered whether it was just me psychologically blocking out crap that was difficult in my life. A lot of it is around periods of my life that were painful or unpleasant. Not a coincidence, these periods also were often characterized by alcohol and substances. Maybe it's the combination.

Gibbons2

I tend to remember big events and the tramatic (sp?) ones for me from my childhood are the ones I can't seem to forget. As far as other events from years ago, I have bits and pieces I remember, but if it wasn't a "big event," I don't recall a lot of it.

I have heard that alcoholism causes short term memory loss and can stay that way. Might be the reason I have so many sticky notes on my computer, reminding me to do this and do that, because I am afraid (and probably would) forget.

You could just be blocking out stuff you would rather not remember Owl. Or, like you said, maybe it is the combination of that and the drinking. Hard to say.

Dee74

I figure I still remember the important stuff (where I live, my PIN numbers, my passwords and I remember to turn the stove off)

My longterm memory is better too every year, so maybe it's a long game kinda deal FreeOwl?

D

FreeOwl

the interesting thing is going to be watching to see if it improves or even re-connects as sobriety becomes more and more sobriety.

I'm wondering if maybe part of the process of recovery is 'reassembly' of some of what was lost or damaged.

GracieLou

There are things that I had forgotten completely. I mean like gone, erased or written over and then out of no where…BAM there it is. I have no clue why this happens. It has happened several times over the last year.

Some of them mean nothing while others are pretty profound. The most so far was my first drunk. It came racing back like a freight train. I could remember other times getting drunk but that first one was missing. I was 13. It was as clear as if it happened yesterday. I am 45. I don’t think I will forget it again.

FeelingGreat

Yeah but you don't know how to spell Australia

Croissant

FreeOwl. My Dad doesn't drink and has had a bad memory forever!

You may just be like that!

From a alcohism perspective...boy, I struggled with simple parts of my job in the beginning. I lost the ability at times to focus, or commit simple things to memory. Things I could do when drinking - so THAT really sucked.

Now...wow. I have whole conversations return to me from years ago that I probably forgot from the day I had them.

That's the joy of sobriety, there are little gems there that you don't know will be uncovered...and everyone's gems are different!

You might have an awesome memory...you just don't know it yet. But, to Dees point, simple stuff is all you need sometimes too!

nmd

I've found myself playing a game at times in conversation. I don't want to admit I've forgotten a whole conversation froma couple days ago, so I dance around the subject hoping to get enough information without outright asking what it was all about or hoping to jog a memory.

For me so far at least, it's mostly drinking related, but the amount of alcohol I need to blackout/forget seems to be less with time, and my ability to remember simple things gets much harder with time. This is one of the core reasons I want to quit, I'm tired of the fog.