markdara91298

After a 7 year journey including court intervention, relocations from Florida to Ohio/upstate New York, rehab in Utah and Atlanta, GA not to mention the $1,000's spent hoping we were doing the right thing only to be left disappointed in all our attempts, I had no other choice than to have my son arrested from stealing from our home for the LAST time. His life was unmanageable and out of control from the use of Roxie's. His stealing was getting worse. Last year he spent from 12-28/12-4/13/13 in rehab; came home doing well and met a girl (methadone recipient)...well the two of them were sticks of dynamite ready to explode. She's 30 with two beautiful girls. Why on earth and I ask her why would she find (at the time my 23 year old son) my son any value to her or her children when he can't even keep a job and has never been able to care for himself. Oh and she had just got out of rehab too. He moved in with her in July, 2013. Within 6 weeks the dynamite stick exploded (with several other outbursts not mentioned) and my son was out of control. He went to her mothers and stole two 4 wheelers and other things. The mother pressed charges on him. The evening of 8/24/13, my son showed up at my office around 7pm. I was working late. He was a mess and begged me to send him back to rehab. After speaking to the rehab counselor, I sent him back to rehab in Atlanta again. He stayed from 8/24/13-11/14/13. He got kicked out for not following the rules. He as told not to go to the girls living area and he did. He ended up with my brother, an addict of painkillers also. Wow!! It was on again. He showed up in Florida on 12/18/13 and stayed through Christmas. Best Christmas I can remember in years. On 12/26/13, back with the girlfriend. On January 9,2014 he went to court and was sentenced to 5 years probation for the stealing of the 4 wheelers. On February 27,2014 I had him arrested for stealing my little boys dirt bike and camera/lenses. This was the hardest act of tough love I ever had to do to my son. He's my heart and soul. He's compassionate, loving, handsome, well mannered when he's sober. I knew he was gonna have to serve time. He's been in jail since that day and will be in court Monday 5/6/14. My heart aches and I have sleepless nights but I know I did the right thing. I pray for all parents and loved one of addicts that hold tight to their boundaries. It took me this long , but today my son is alive. Yesterday, my sister, only celebrated the memory of her sons!!!!!!!! One overdosed at 21 years old 7 years ago on 4/30/2007; the other overdosed 4 1/2 years agin at the age of 24. She has two sons left and they wish each day they could visit them behind bars but all they can so is hold their memories dear to them. Stay strong family members. May God bless the family of addicts and the addict. I pray my son will live and find freedom from this bondage of his addiction.

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least

Welcome to the family. You've been through a lot with your son. I hope we can offer support and our experience to help you get thru these difficult times. You may also be interested in our friends and family forum. Lots of insight there from people in similar situations.


Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Ann

Welcome to SR. My adult son is also an addict and for ten years we tried to save him. We let him live with us and my husband gave him a job and we did this many times and it never once ended well. He stole from us many times and I regret now that we didn't charge him. I think that they need to see that there are consequences for their actions.

You did the right thing charging your son. It hurts us to have to do that but it is still the right thing to do.

There are many parents here who have been where you are and we truly understand the pain you feel.

Hugs

chicory

oh, what a hard thing for you to have to do. But as you said, with the unfortunate deaths of your nephews, you know you did the right thing, to do all you can to stop enabling him.

thank you for sharing. I sincerely hope that he gets his head on straight. I hope you have some peace too, for a change.

hugs
chicory

Lovenjoy

MD9 you are a hero. It is so hard to believe sometimes that doing what goes against all that we thought we believed we should do for our children would be the right thing to do. Addiction is a devastating disease, it is stealing a generation. Thank you for sharing your story and your strength. And it is strength when we do what needs to be done at a time we feel so defeated... Your son is alive. May he get clarity and choose a better path. And I hope you find the peace in life that you richly deserve.

markdara91298

Thank you for the encouragement as I take this journey one step at a time. My biggest anxiety now is having to see him at court on Tuesday and listening to what the sentence will be. The state attorney called and is offering a one year inpatient rehab program with Salvation Army followed by drug court or 3 years in prison. This was so hard for me. I wrestled around with my son not being a criminal but an addict. I pray that the judge will have mercy. I'm leaving in God's hands and praying for the strength I need as his mother to be of support. He is in good spirits. He has told me not to blame myself that I was a good mother and he wasn't raised the way he has been living. Time will only tell, but as for now he is safe and sober. We've only written letters to one another and that has been great therapy for he and I. I told him this was so difficult for me but that he may be locked up today from his physical freedom of living but that today he has freedom to think clear and not under the bondage of a drug. God bless the many of you who suffer with your loved ones. My prayers are with you daily and for our addicts. Have a great day😊😊

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Ann

I often refer here to what I call "strangely wrapped gifts"...those blessings that come from adversity. Most parents would think that the worse thing that could ever happen to their child would be that they would get arrested or have to go to jail or rehab.

For us, these are all blessings, these are each paths that may lead them to a better choice in the future and may very well save their lives.

The Salvation Army Rehab is a wonderful program, free to any who want it, and they have a good reputation for teaching our addicted loved ones how to fight addiction and live a better life.

Your son is being led, trust the system, trust God, and trust your heart that he knows he is loved and is in a good place right now, even though it may not seem that way. He is receiving "strangely wrapped gifts".

Hugs

Chino

What you're doing takes a tremendous amount of courage and love.

Please believe your son's words about the way he was raised. You both know it's the truth and he'll always have that solid foundation to stand on.

Prayers on the way for all of your family and God bless you.

markdara91298

Thank you Anne and Chino. I've been reading blogs on SR of a month now and just last nights wrote a tad but of my story. What uplifting encouragement and wisdom!! Thank you.

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anykey

If it were me- I would not show up at court. He needs to know this is for real. You being there is like you saying you will bail him out.

There are times when involving the law is appropriate. I applaud you for using this tool. No doubt you exhausted the other tools with no resolve.

hopeful4

Welcome to SR. You did the right thing. I attend Celebrate Recovery, I have watched many who have been to rehab over and over not clean up until they spend some hard time in jail.

I second not showing up in court.

Tight Hugs.

CAPTAINZING2000

We never help our loved ones when we help enable them in their addictions.
Good for you for doing tough love.

markdara91298

I'm new to this and not sure how to respond to each individual person or just it just attached to the original comment. I'm responding back to those who said I shouldn't go to court. I would have to agree. I'm feeling I need to be there as I was for the arrest. For the first time in this recovery process, I've been strong and solid. I've been able to handle the emotions; although gut wrenching painful despite the consequences my son has to face. It gives me strength in knowing that I have not let any manipulation or self pity overcome my weakness. My son has been locked up for almost 70 days. He will be sentenced on May 6. If he goes to prison I'm accepting that is the journey he needs at this time. I don't know what it will be when he gets out. All I know is he's my son and I love him dearly. I will support him because of the love I have for him but not the action that got him there. He will have to pay that price. I've shown him know other option. He also knows that he has a family who loves him but has turned their backs in his behavior and until that changes he will not be welcome around our home. I feel so strong. I would have never become so strong had not started attending alanon/Naranon meetings which I attend faithfully. Only my higher power has given me this strength. I can't explain it all because the journey has been so long, but "His power" is real and I'm testifying of that. Thanks for all your input in my journey of recovery for me.

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Bernadette

Hi markadara!
When you reply everyone can see it! It is fine to reply to multiple ideas in one post! Sending you a shot of courage and strength.

Welcome to SR. Glad you're here. Collectively we've seen everything, so you're in very understanding company!! (((hugs)))
B

markdara91298

Tmrw my son goes to court. I'm feeling a bit anxious. He is looking at 3 years prison or inpatient treatment followed by drug court. What if the judge reinstates his probation bc it's his first offense? His probation is drug offender probation for 5 years. It's a long road. I don't really want him home. He just can't be trusted. I don't mind a transition phase until he can find a place to live but not a long period of time. I'm talking 2-3 weeks. Any ideas?? I hope they send him to a rehab or a bit longer in jail. I think he needs it. Thanks for any advice.

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Ann

You might want to make it clear that house arrest is not an option at your house. Courts and hospitals are quite terrible at assuming we welcome our addicted loved ones home, no matter how much chaos they cause and no matter how much they have stolen from us. I had to make a point to those places that "I" was no longer an option for my son.

Keeping you all in my prayers, that whatever tomorrow brings it is for the greater good.

Hugs

markdara91298

Thanks Ann. I didn't know if I should help to find him a place to live. He's 24 but functions like a teenager. I'm not good at turning my back when someone needs help especially my son. I have no problem with tough love. I just don't know how far to carry it. This all so confusing today. I guess bc court is tmrw. Maybe the judge will order a longer stay in jail. Idk. I know I had him arrested and feel good about it. I get mixed feelings on what to do. He's definately not strong enough to fight alone with no support system in place.

chicory

Thoughts coming your way.

I think letting the judge know that coming home to your house is not an option for you. The judge will take that into account, when deciding.
Your son is relatively young, and has done some heavy stealing. unless he learns a good lesson, he may do worse things. good for you, in being strong and wise with the tough love. you may just have saved his life.

best wishes, for all of you.
chicory

Ann

Markdara, my son had a reading disability, so I often helped him find numbers or places he was wanting to go. I think it is kind to help him find a place...if he wants to find a place. If he resists, thinking YOUR place will be the alternative, then maybe I would give him 3 options and let him figure it out for himself. The options I often gave to my son was detox, a long phone list of rehabs (the Salvation Army rehabs are very good and free), and phone numbers for sober living places, there were several different kinds where we lived then through the Catholic Church, the John Howard Society (that helped men who had been in jail) and a group run by social services.

Helping him find the places that help is a kindness, but I'd leave the actual arrangements up to him.

Good luck with all this, I still believe it will all lead to something good.

Hugs

markdara91298

I just left court. Today they offered 365 days in county jail but pushing for a one year inpatient program. I'm praying for the inpatient. The judge wants him back tmrw at 8:30 for the sentencing. It's a confusing case bc of the charges issue in another county on April 6. Now he's in another county for the VOP. My son looks good and healthy. God will take this vessel the rest of the way. My son knows and was so honest today in court. I've always been taught honesty is always best. He definatley showed integrity today. We will see what tmrw brings. He will know what path he has to take. I can just be their to support the good as I've done lately. Thank yiu all so much for your thoughts and advise. It has definatley strengthened me.

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