When seeking strength
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Milwaukee wi
Posts: 7
When seeking strength
These emotional ups and downs are so exhausting. I'm in the midst of a huge change, AH is staying with his parents (10 minutes away-sometimes that doesn't feel far enough) and I've filed for child support/government assistance to help me get on my feet without him. I've got houses lined up and job opportunities. It seems so surreal. I've honestly imagined this move in my head for YEARS, yet I still find myself weak in moments. In those moments, I come here and read read read. You have no idea (or maybe you do) how much this site has helped reassure me that I'm doing the right thing for myself and my kids.
Yesterday, with the suggestions I read on here about reconnecting with friends, I sought out an old friend who went through the same a few years ago and she talked me through my fears in person. I also was unintentionally forced to remember everything AH has done, that this has been going on for so long that I've blocked so much from my memory. I can't believe I've stuck around for so many years.
I have started focusing on the dreams I've always had. Dreams that can't ever come true while in this marriage.
I gained the courage to write about it in my blog (and I apologize for breaking the rules and posting a link here, so I'll just copy what I wrote here as I find it encouraging).
I hope this encourages those who are making this move or contemplating it.
Much love, prayers, Hugs and strength to you in this hard time♡♥
Once upon a time there lived a young girl with many dreams.* Her dreams often were fantisized and evolved from the books that her nose was always stuck in.* When she was little,* the 4th child born of 9, she fantisized of living in a train car in the woods with her siblings.* As a teenager she fantisized of being romanced and swept off her feet by her Prince Charming.**Then,* one day she stopped reading and started living.* She started searching for the life that she dreamed of,* for her Prince Charming.* No one told her that high school wasn't the place to search for HIM.* Well, if someone did tell her she sure didn't listen.* There were a few that amused her,* treated her well... yet not quite HIM.**But there was one that stood out from the rest.* She was captivated in her youth by this creature, so different from the rest.** They moved fast,* much faster than anticipated.* A child was born.* A loved child of a young couple that was just learning to be adults in the real world.*And so they moved forward.*They married.*They were blessed with children... While they battled with demons in their marriage.**The demons would hide in the shadows and come out only when she felt hopeful that things would get better.*HE held on to these demons.* He wouldn't let them go,* though he would promise day after day that they were gone.Day after day turned into year after year.A glimmer of hope.* A demon to put out the light.A man crippled with his demons.* Refusing to break free.*A woman struggling with faith in her husband, struggling with trust, love,* raising children on her own and losing herself in the process.Then one day she woke up.* She closed that book that was damaging her soul.** She decided to write her own story, one that would free her from those demons. One where she could find out WHO she is and WHY she is here on this Earth.** One that would give back her dreams,* even create new dreams.* She smiled, lifted the pen and placed the tip on the first page.
Once upon a time...
TO BE CONTINUED
Yesterday, with the suggestions I read on here about reconnecting with friends, I sought out an old friend who went through the same a few years ago and she talked me through my fears in person. I also was unintentionally forced to remember everything AH has done, that this has been going on for so long that I've blocked so much from my memory. I can't believe I've stuck around for so many years.
I have started focusing on the dreams I've always had. Dreams that can't ever come true while in this marriage.
I gained the courage to write about it in my blog (and I apologize for breaking the rules and posting a link here, so I'll just copy what I wrote here as I find it encouraging).
I hope this encourages those who are making this move or contemplating it.
Much love, prayers, Hugs and strength to you in this hard time♡♥
Once upon a time there lived a young girl with many dreams.* Her dreams often were fantisized and evolved from the books that her nose was always stuck in.* When she was little,* the 4th child born of 9, she fantisized of living in a train car in the woods with her siblings.* As a teenager she fantisized of being romanced and swept off her feet by her Prince Charming.**Then,* one day she stopped reading and started living.* She started searching for the life that she dreamed of,* for her Prince Charming.* No one told her that high school wasn't the place to search for HIM.* Well, if someone did tell her she sure didn't listen.* There were a few that amused her,* treated her well... yet not quite HIM.**But there was one that stood out from the rest.* She was captivated in her youth by this creature, so different from the rest.** They moved fast,* much faster than anticipated.* A child was born.* A loved child of a young couple that was just learning to be adults in the real world.*And so they moved forward.*They married.*They were blessed with children... While they battled with demons in their marriage.**The demons would hide in the shadows and come out only when she felt hopeful that things would get better.*HE held on to these demons.* He wouldn't let them go,* though he would promise day after day that they were gone.Day after day turned into year after year.A glimmer of hope.* A demon to put out the light.A man crippled with his demons.* Refusing to break free.*A woman struggling with faith in her husband, struggling with trust, love,* raising children on her own and losing herself in the process.Then one day she woke up.* She closed that book that was damaging her soul.** She decided to write her own story, one that would free her from those demons. One where she could find out WHO she is and WHY she is here on this Earth.** One that would give back her dreams,* even create new dreams.* She smiled, lifted the pen and placed the tip on the first page.
Once upon a time...
TO BE CONTINUED
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