CodeJob

Well the Oprah/ Chopra free meditation series has been a real gift from the universe. I have been doing one when I wake up and one when I go to bed. I fall asleep at night and who knows if I hear the whole thing, but I like the series for sure!

Today it was on love being a universal energy for all humanity. Pretty big stuff - except I realized this is how I started out in life - real big picture. And then I got small minded and controlling. So reverting back to an open and accepting world view is scary. But that is where I am heading. I am overcoming my fear and reaching out. It feels wonderful just with the glimmers I am experiencing.

Outright said in my Al Anon meeting yesterday that until I could figure out how not to pick another emotionally withdrawn man child, I would probably remain married. The woman I sat next to said, "I did exactly what you are concerned with - picked another A. She looks a bit like me except maybe 15+ years older. We laughed over the devil we both know! Boy were our laughs knowing and full of meaning!

Speaking of my devil, He continues on his cleaning spree. He has now caught up on maintenance of all of the vehicles. He has identified his next paint project too. I now realize that most of his sibs are totally obsessed with things looking just so and looking clean. I guess they all bought the myth that if things look good - they are good. I am not joking that our house is seriously spiffy and well maintained thanks to RAH.

So next week is session with Mr. T of transference (pity the fool). And yes I did email him that we needed it to be a topic. However, I am not sure if he gets his email or just does not respond. So I am going to just hand him the email since I am too shy to say it. But I am STUCK until I get over my attraction to lost souls. With transference he can potentially walk me out of this issue in therapy. And if he can't, then I'll find another T. I am grateful I at least grasp it is a false attraction. That is half of the battle right there I hope. Also realized I have so e crazy idea that validation = love = intimacy. That equation is not correct and I need help talking through this and finding a better approach.

So my parents arrive today. I hope to talk to them a bit about family history. Just to see how much they will open up. I suspect if I listen carefully more will be revealed.

Also set up for some alone time for my parents with DS. Which means I have set up some alone time for me and RAH. I have no expectations. I just thought it would be a nice gesture all around.

So I hope to keep radiating this openness and peace all weekend - for my entire little family group - and me.

Hammer

well there are WORSE things than Mr. Clean, I guess.

While he is fixing things, maybe some re-chargeable batteries . . . .

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Can you do more details on the Mediation Stuff?

Step 11 type question there. Was talking with my Steps Sponsor last night on that. He says Mediation (simple enough for me/us/guys to understand) -- Prayer is when We Talk To God. Mediation is when God Talks To Us.

He does his sitting listening to his daughter breath after she is asleep.

I do not tend to much of any, other than when I catch myself thinking about AWtf's stuff, and I switch the track to "think about God."

Dunno.

Thanks.

FireSprite

CJ - great update, I hope your weekend goes beautifully!

Hammer, meditation can be tough. It's almost *too* simple. Many people think the purpose is to empty your mind so completely that there is nothing left to focus on but it was explained differently to me.

My instructor told me that it was nearly impossible (for newbies to meditation) to reach a point of absolute internal silence until they have had many years of honing their med. practice. That is so hard to stop random info from just flowing - the harder I tried to force myself to stop thinking, the more I thought & the more frustrated I became.

He said that instead we should focus on ignoring those random thoughts that pop up during our meditations, just observe them like a picture on the wall as you walk down a hallway.... no stopping to examine the thought, just yep, ok, that's a thought.... let it all flow over you. One day it just clicked for me & I hit that groove & felt myself separate from my thoughts for a moment. Initally I used a lot of guided meditations - mp3's, yoga instructors verbally leading us in class, CD's, etc. Now that I know what feeling I am aiming for, I don't need the assistance as much & can get there mentally on my own if I just focus. There isn't as much thought "flowing" to ignore.... but what DOES pop up always makes me go, "hmmmmm....."

honeypig

You know, this is a lot like what I thought when I started coming here regularly and going to Alanon--I realized just how small my world had gotten and wondered how that had happened. Eventually I began to see how I had made choices, one after another, over the years, that brought me to where I was at that point. To paraphrase one of my favorite posts here, once I realized I was part of the problem, I then realized I could also be part of the solution, and this was empowering. Scary, yes, but knowing I DID have control, just not in the sense I had thought I did, made a huge difference.

I also am beginning to feel the joy of being part of the world, able to give and receive, learn and teach, and I'm so happy for you that you're feeling that, too!

Stung

Okay, so I tried one of the Oprah guided meditation things last night and while it felt way cheesy (I swear its the same background music they play at my health club) it also felt more effective than when I just try to shut out all thoughts. Half way through I became super aware that my legs are really sore but they hadn't bothered me at all during the day.

Hmmm...I think I have some research to do on meditating.

P.S. I keep joking with my husband that I want to go to a surfing, yoga & meditation retreat aka mom summer camp. But now that I have a few minutes of correctly meditating under my belt I REALLY want to go.

CodeJob

Hi Stung!

I was a little worried as Deepak is a little cheesy to me too. But I like the message of the day, the simple English statement of each day, and the time of meditation itself as it isn't too long. It is a nice little 20 minute set the stage guide. I had my mom try it while I was cooking dinner Thursday night. I always lose the mantra. I just dont worry about it.

I am glad you tried it out!

LvWrAM123

I just finished an 8 week mindfulness group therapy class. We used this book: http://www.mindfulness-solution.com/ -I thought it was great-lots of free downloads on the site too, and many others on YouTube, apps, podcasts, etc. if you like guided meditation. We also studied and discussed many interesting and inspiring messages from other "gurus" which I enjoyed-maybe I'll have to check out the Oprah/Depak ones.

I thought of the formal meditating as a 2 part process-1st calming myself with breath concentration and then having a much better ability to notice my thoughts and feelings in a calm way. I also enjoyed many of the informal practices which I use throughout the day to be more mindful and less wrapped up in all my "stuff" frequently throughout the day.

My group is over, but I am really trying to keep mindfulness study & practice as a regular part of my self care-I really think it is a good antidote to crazy.