meggygoround30

I've been at my job for almost seven years, basically the entire time I was with my XAB . The entirety of last year was total hell and my job was on the line. I was late all the time, mostly because I had zero energy and didn't want to get out of bed. But I knew if I made it to work I would be able to take my mind off of it for a few hours.

My boss started to verbally warn me about being late. Then I got a written warning. Then a second one. Before the third warning I talked to a woman in human resources and mentioned I was having a hard time because my boyfriend is an alcoholic. She wasn't helpful because I was still in denial and had no idea what to do. She basically told me to read the big book and think about if I want to stay with him. Literally 10 minutes after that meeting I get called into my managers office and got my final written warning. Basically if I'm late once in an entire year I'm fired. Meanwhile, I was also being physically abused and didn't have the courage to tell anyone. Now a year later I still have said job but barely hanging on.

I wanted to write my managers an email thanking them for not giving up on me. They knew something was up but only so much they can do. I also wanted to see if they would put some hotline numbers in employee spaces on a bulletin board. That would have helped me because I wasn't comfortable talking to them with my job already on the line. My work also has something called Wellness Week where each month there are different topics for wellness for employees. It's sponsored by our insurance company. I wanted to know if they could add something related to substance abuse/domestic violence and it's a science museum so could be related to science.

I don't know if this is really inappropriate for me to email them. What do you think? Have you had similar experiences with your job?

Mountainmanbob

I would just keep my nose clean
and lay low
under the radar is always best
especially if on the poo poo list

two alarm clocks are not a bad idea

MM

allysen

I agree with Mountainmanbob.

CodeJob

I somewhat agree with Mountain Bob. How big of a place do you work at? I've hung up inspirational messages in the bathroom. I would think you could tape a few in the stalls and see how long they last. You could cycle them out for whatever - DV, An Al Anon phrase, whatever.

Does your employer have an EAP (employee assistance program)? I am tight with those people. They had a free will service so I did that. I have used counseling referrals twice for me and once for DS. The counseling referral line is a counselor, but then they can offer a referral for up to 5 free sessions. That is a great deal. But they too might be willing to send magnets or flyers to pass out to advertise better what they do.

meggygoround30

It's a big organization with paid staff, volunteers and interns. They did refer me to employee assistance but at the time I was already in therapy. I only knew about the assistance program because I didn't have many chances left. I was thinking if there were helplines posted in more accessible places like the break rooms, maybe someone who needs it could benefit and doesn't have to necessarily out themselves if they don't feel comfortable doing so.

I also don't want to dig myself a deeper hole now I'm climbing out.

Mountainmanbob

I represented a few people at the City Government

got them off the hook
only to see them fired later

it seems that at many times
the upper management will lay low
but they don't forget for a long time
that you are on the radar

yes over my 32 years on the job
I also got into troubles
after each escape
I would be a quiet mouse
for at least a year or two

food for thought

enjoying a nice retirement today

MM

FeelingGreat

Meggy, I've worked for a US company with a big presence in Australia, and they had a strong safety and welfare culture. I was able to make some presentations on my topics of interest at that time, Melanoma and Blood Donations, which are voluntary in Australia.
I can't see any harm in being proactive with the help-line information, and contributions to the employee health and welfare efforts. It might well work in your favour, if it's constructive and carefully put together, because your employers would see you making an effort.

redatlanta

I also agree with Mountainmanbob.

Its unfortunate, but as you stated you are "barely hanging on" to your job. Should you approach them about doing this you open yourself up to speculation and I hate it, but generally the first thing that an employer speculates is whether or not these issues will affect your job. I feel you will bring more scrutiny to yourself.

My former employer was very gracious about those enduring personal struggles to a point, and I watched that same person turn on people later. Skipping them over for promotion or special events as he speculated their issues might interfere with their performance. He grew not to trust them.

My advice would be to volunteer at a local shelter for the time being. There are other ways to help. When you have a solid year or two of good performance at the job with no issues then it may be the time to approach them about doing this.

meggygoround30

Thank you all for the advice. This is why I asked instead of sending the email and regretting it later!

hopeful4

My employer is very generous about personal issues, to a point. I have a lot of time accumulated b/c I have worked here for 11 years. However, if I were to be late for work or if it was affecting the quality of my work, they would not be so supportive.

I would make sure you are there, on time, when you are supposto be there. Here the big concern is making concessions for one employee, then you have to do the same for the rest. Think like the boss thinks.

I did tell my boss what was going on. I told him out of respect for him but assured him that I would not let it affect my work and that if I needed to use my time off because of what was going on I would give as much notice as possible. I kept it short and sweet. I know he prefers that.

KissMyTiara

Does your company have an anonymous "suggestion box"?

littlesister1

Wow, I had some issues here at work around my brother just a couple weeks back.
I wish now I had kept my business to myself.
Sometimes silence IS golden.

This is one of those situations where I would ask "Is there a NEED for anyone to know about this"

Since you have already been warned I would say just keep your head down

Carlotta

That!
I firmly believe in keeping private life and professional life separated.
On another hand it is very commendable that you want to give back and help others, have you considered volunteering for a DV hotline or at a women's shelter?
You would be able to give back and help others in the situation you were in without mixing your private life and you professional life.

Carlotta

I also wanted to add that there is a stigma attached with being the partner of an alcoholic and being abused. Even if they are on the surface very supportive, deep inside "normies" will at best pity you at worst think of you as someone who is weak and spineless and that could on top of your poor job performance last year jeopardize any chance of future promotion.
When looking for managerial or leader type, people seldom consider the "poor little woman". Now on SR and in Al Anon we all know how strong you truly are and the hell you survived but the public at large still has a lot of misconceptions about alcoholism and codependency.
You can help educate of course, just do it from a safe standpoint.
Work hard, show up on time, be professional and don't bring your private life in the workplace so you can revamp your image from "flaky" to reliable/good employee worth promoting.

NWGRITS

It couldn't hurt to simply say a passing thank you to your boss one day. But make sure it's AFTER you're out of an abusive situation. Cause saying that and then ending up right back where you were is showing a complete lack of personal progress. I like the suggestion box idea for all the other stuff, though.

SoaringSpirits

I manage HR at my company and would handle a chronically late employee the same as your HR managers did. I think it's OK to thank your manager in passing, but I would not linger on it. Your employer doesn't want to get into your personal life. Thank the company by working hard and ASKING what you can do to make yourself more of an asset to them. I love employees who come to me and say "thanks for my employment. I want to be an asset here. What else can I do to make myself valuable to you?"

Good job hanging in there.