Pondering the limits of the human body
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Pondering the limits of the human body
I've known my AH for almost 20 years now. We've been married for over a dozen. He has been a heavy drinker as long as I've known him, but only within the past few years has it really started to affect him.
He went through detox a couple years ago. He said it was like a vacation. He got to sleep for three days straight, without worrying about work or family stuff. Of course, it wasn't long after his discharge that he picked up the bottle again.
So, now, here we are, years after his detox and he still goes to bed black-out drunk. Pretty much every night. It's impressive, in a very sad sort of way, just how much booze he can ingest every day.
I can't help but wonder how much longer his body can put up with the abuse? He has noticeable withdrawal symptoms as early as noon, and they get progressively worse as the day goes on. When he finally gives in for his 6 o'clock cocktail, he gradually gets better, but neglects to stop drinking once the twitching/shaking/rocking/headaches subside. Instead, he drinks until he's staggering, and often can't remember the previous night's events the next day. I guess 25 ounces of rum will do that to a fella.
25 ounces a day, times... let's say 350 days a year, for 20+ years. Is it just me or is this a recipe for disaster? Seriously, how much can a body take? (I know I said "seriously," but I know you guys can't answer that.) When I think about it, I'm baffled by his body's ability to function.
He went through detox a couple years ago. He said it was like a vacation. He got to sleep for three days straight, without worrying about work or family stuff. Of course, it wasn't long after his discharge that he picked up the bottle again.
So, now, here we are, years after his detox and he still goes to bed black-out drunk. Pretty much every night. It's impressive, in a very sad sort of way, just how much booze he can ingest every day.
I can't help but wonder how much longer his body can put up with the abuse? He has noticeable withdrawal symptoms as early as noon, and they get progressively worse as the day goes on. When he finally gives in for his 6 o'clock cocktail, he gradually gets better, but neglects to stop drinking once the twitching/shaking/rocking/headaches subside. Instead, he drinks until he's staggering, and often can't remember the previous night's events the next day. I guess 25 ounces of rum will do that to a fella.
25 ounces a day, times... let's say 350 days a year, for 20+ years. Is it just me or is this a recipe for disaster? Seriously, how much can a body take? (I know I said "seriously," but I know you guys can't answer that.) When I think about it, I'm baffled by his body's ability to function.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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I often wonder the same thing as my AH does exactly the same thing and pretty much behaves in the same way and remembers little of what did happen. The only thing I do notice is his mind is slipping. He can remember very little and he talks very slowly now as he has a hard time finding words. It's very sad.
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A couple of things stood out to me right away.
Detox is just that, getting what is immediately in your system out. It really has nothing to do with Recovery, which takes place mentally. For him to recover he would have to want it, and be able to work on it, every single day, forever. It's a big commitment.
There are people on here who have qualifiers who go to detox once a month for an entire year.
Also, who is to say there is not damage being done to his body? Most of the time active alcoholics are not the first in line at the doctors office. Sadly, a lot of times they wait until it is much too late.
What are you doing to take good care of YOU???
Detox is just that, getting what is immediately in your system out. It really has nothing to do with Recovery, which takes place mentally. For him to recover he would have to want it, and be able to work on it, every single day, forever. It's a big commitment.
There are people on here who have qualifiers who go to detox once a month for an entire year.
Also, who is to say there is not damage being done to his body? Most of the time active alcoholics are not the first in line at the doctors office. Sadly, a lot of times they wait until it is much too late.
What are you doing to take good care of YOU???
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Let me be the one to say it because I totally have no shame anymore:
If you are hoping (secretly) that he's going to die soon so that you are free, think again.
Being married to an actively drinking alcoholic wears you out probably as much as drinking wears him out. It's not uncommon for the spouse of an alcoholic to die first.
I had reson to research this, because I spent considerable time hoping that my AXH would die so that I could be rid of him without having to actually leave him. It might make me an evil wench in some people's eyes but in my eyes, in retrospect, it only makes me a woman who was once very desperate to get out of a horrible situation.
Look at celebrities -- look at Keith Richards. I mean, the fact that he is still walking around must simply mean that in some people, drugs and alcohol have a preservative function. That man should have been dead 40 years ago, given his lifestyle.
Don't minimize the impact his drinking has had on you and your health. Take care of yourself.
If you are hoping (secretly) that he's going to die soon so that you are free, think again.
Being married to an actively drinking alcoholic wears you out probably as much as drinking wears him out. It's not uncommon for the spouse of an alcoholic to die first.
I had reson to research this, because I spent considerable time hoping that my AXH would die so that I could be rid of him without having to actually leave him. It might make me an evil wench in some people's eyes but in my eyes, in retrospect, it only makes me a woman who was once very desperate to get out of a horrible situation.
Look at celebrities -- look at Keith Richards. I mean, the fact that he is still walking around must simply mean that in some people, drugs and alcohol have a preservative function. That man should have been dead 40 years ago, given his lifestyle.
Don't minimize the impact his drinking has had on you and your health. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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My husband was a heavy drinker for almost 33ish years. I'm not sure exactly, only 16 of them was with me but he got sober at 53 and had been drinking since he was a teenager. The last couple of years he was out of control - a fifth of vodka a day.
The human body is amazing and much has to do with your genetics. I'd go to his annual physical with him and would be amazed that every lab result was perfect. The man never gets sick (missed 2 sick days in 20 years) and has the physique of someone 20 years younger. It may have caught up with him at some point, but I think we all know elderly alcoholics who keep chugging along, relatively healthy considering. Then there are people who drink for 10 years and get cirrhosis. There's just no way to tell.
The human body is amazing and much has to do with your genetics. I'd go to his annual physical with him and would be amazed that every lab result was perfect. The man never gets sick (missed 2 sick days in 20 years) and has the physique of someone 20 years younger. It may have caught up with him at some point, but I think we all know elderly alcoholics who keep chugging along, relatively healthy considering. Then there are people who drink for 10 years and get cirrhosis. There's just no way to tell.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by lillamy 
Let me be the one to say it because I totally have no shame anymore:
If you are hoping (secretly) that he's going to die soon so that you are free, think again.
Being married to an actively drinking alcoholic wears you out probably as much as drinking wears him out. It's not uncommon for the spouse of an alcoholic to die first.
If you are hoping (secretly) that he's going to die soon so that you are free, think again.
Being married to an actively drinking alcoholic wears you out probably as much as drinking wears him out. It's not uncommon for the spouse of an alcoholic to die first.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 89
I hear you. My XAB would do good in the beginning. He would by top shelf alcohol and make it last. Then he started buying the cheap, disgusting, poisonous $10 vodka handles. I swear if I ever see that bottle or smell it I will physically get sick from the memories.
He would mix a giant cup of liquor with soda or coolaide mix. He would "sip it" and have a few throughout the day. Then towards the end he would chug bottles and boxes of wine before I got home and often I would find vomit somewhere.
He also had bad acid reflux which was made worse by the alcoholism. Some days he would vomit non stop for a couple days and have hiccups.
The worst day was when I came home and he was passed out on the couch and had **** his pants. I got him into the shower soon after and he was crying and saying he was so sorry. Just standing there shivering.
I'm really upset just thinking about it. That will always be imprinted on my brain. It makes me so sad that both the addict and the loved one have to go through this.
He would mix a giant cup of liquor with soda or coolaide mix. He would "sip it" and have a few throughout the day. Then towards the end he would chug bottles and boxes of wine before I got home and often I would find vomit somewhere.
He also had bad acid reflux which was made worse by the alcoholism. Some days he would vomit non stop for a couple days and have hiccups.
The worst day was when I came home and he was passed out on the couch and had **** his pants. I got him into the shower soon after and he was crying and saying he was so sorry. Just standing there shivering.
I'm really upset just thinking about it. That will always be imprinted on my brain. It makes me so sad that both the addict and the loved one have to go through this.
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I often wonder this. I wonder, because my ABF is 35 and has already been in the hospital for pancreatitis 3 times due to alcoholism.
But then again, if stage 4 cancer didn't kill him, I don't think whiskey and beer will. The body is amazing. I'm pretty sure that if I started drinking like that it'd kill me in a year!
But then again, if stage 4 cancer didn't kill him, I don't think whiskey and beer will. The body is amazing. I'm pretty sure that if I started drinking like that it'd kill me in a year!
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
A couple of things stood out to me right away.
Detox is just that, getting what is immediately in your system out. It really has nothing to do with Recovery, which takes place mentally. For him to recover he would have to want it, and be able to work on it, every single day, forever. It's a big commitment.
There are people on here who have qualifiers who go to detox once a month for an entire year.
Also, who is to say there is not damage being done to his body? Most of the time active alcoholics are not the first in line at the doctors office. Sadly, a lot of times they wait until it is much too late.
Detox is just that, getting what is immediately in your system out. It really has nothing to do with Recovery, which takes place mentally. For him to recover he would have to want it, and be able to work on it, every single day, forever. It's a big commitment.
There are people on here who have qualifiers who go to detox once a month for an entire year.
Also, who is to say there is not damage being done to his body? Most of the time active alcoholics are not the first in line at the doctors office. Sadly, a lot of times they wait until it is much too late.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
What are you doing to take good care of YOU???
Working a daily active recovery program is a gift for yourself, whether you stay in the relationship or not. Keep in mind that taking a break from living with him at some point can mean giving time for yourself to heal and to be able to see things more clearly. If he's going to drink, he'll do it if you're there or not. Take care of you first. If that means short trips away or a longer hiatus, that's not a bad thing at all.
I used to think there were no options other than what I was doing. The more I healed, the more options I could see.
If he's been drinking and I'm worried about him, it's okay to call the police or sheriff's office. They're there to help. It doesn't matter if he's passed out (aka "asleep") or awake. This isn't to save him; it's to get help for me in dealing with him. To give me support. To let both of us see this isn't normal and that I have the right to have help.
I started figuring out ways to change my routine. Baby steps. One day at a time.
Take care of you.
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It's so very sad hearing from those who've lost their loved ones to alcohol. Some may be overtaken fairly quickly, many go slowly with their bodies deteriorating over time. Others die from alcoholism by ways that aren't stated as alcohol related - injuries, accidents, heart failure, diabetes, etc.
It's not a matter of "if". Without outside help and active recovery, it's a matter of when and how.
It's not a matter of "if". Without outside help and active recovery, it's a matter of when and how.
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Originally Posted by Syd
He went through detox a couple years ago. He said it was like a vacation. He got to sleep for three days straight, without worrying about work or family stuff.
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It's amazing how much they can drink and seemingly not be affected by it. I wonder about my still actively drinking AH to this day how much longer he can last. At my worst when I first came here, I too was one of the "evil wenches" that Lillamy described wishing he would die because that would be the easiest and least painful escape to my situation. Sad, isnt it? At the time it was difficult to see any other way out. I was so enmeshed in the alcoholic. As I healed I began to see other options and now I dont wish him death, I feel sorry for him because I know he will likely never change and that is sad for my kids. I am in the process of divorcing him and I have hope that one day he might decide to recover for his own benefit but I know I have absolutely no control over that.
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Nothing like dragging up a three year old thread in an attempt to answer the question I posed back then...
It appears his body has reached its limit. His PCP diagnosed him last week with cirrhosis and referred him to a gastroenterologist, whom he has not yet seen.
I don't know what is in store for us, but I'm already dreading the ride. I've been dealing with everything via online support groups and reading al anon literature on my own. I think I'm going to need more than that soon. I feel selfish for worrying about how I'm going to handle this when he's the one who is physically ill, but that's where I am.
Ugh. Just wanted to vent.
It appears his body has reached its limit. His PCP diagnosed him last week with cirrhosis and referred him to a gastroenterologist, whom he has not yet seen.
I don't know what is in store for us, but I'm already dreading the ride. I've been dealing with everything via online support groups and reading al anon literature on my own. I think I'm going to need more than that soon. I feel selfish for worrying about how I'm going to handle this when he's the one who is physically ill, but that's where I am.
Ugh. Just wanted to vent.
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I'm sorry Syd for what you're going through. I had a thought similar to your OP just last night in wondering, how much more can his body take? But the real question is how much more can YOU take
I'm sorry for the diagnosis. If not urgency, has he shown any concern or interest in treating his new alcohol-related disease? I've learned even when concern is shown, it's really action that speaks. So if he hasn't acted on seeing the doc yet to treat this, he may be just accepting that the cirrhosis comes with the territory and he is willing to take it if it means he can still drink. Others can probably speak to their experience with this, but sometimes even a diagnosis doesn't mean a bottom if they aren't interested in stopping.
It's very hard watching someone slowly commit suicide. That's what Abf sponsor told me once. That essentially untreated addicts are slowly killing themselves and are fully aware of it. It's like living with someone who has Alzheimer's. Your privy to watching them slowly die while their bodies are physically present and you can't do a damn thing about it (now of course you could leave, but I'm referring to not being able to make them want to live or get help).
Sounds like you need more support. Are you physically going to Alanon meetings? I love the forums too but when I get myself to a meeting I leave feeling a bit less alone. Therapy would be helpful too - I forgot if you mentioned. Anyway if anything your post at least helped me understand that even years later, the same problem still exists and as they say, got worse. I wish it wasn't that way but you've given me some insight into my own battle and wishful thinking that a loved one will change.
Last thing - you aren't selfish for thinking about how you will cope with a physically ill person. Even if the illness was due to something beyond his control (stroke or brain injury). We are just human beings and after so much struggle with a loved ones mental deterioration, it's hard to imagine another layer on top. Like you said, how much can you take.
Lots of love to you and support
I'm sorry for the diagnosis. If not urgency, has he shown any concern or interest in treating his new alcohol-related disease? I've learned even when concern is shown, it's really action that speaks. So if he hasn't acted on seeing the doc yet to treat this, he may be just accepting that the cirrhosis comes with the territory and he is willing to take it if it means he can still drink. Others can probably speak to their experience with this, but sometimes even a diagnosis doesn't mean a bottom if they aren't interested in stopping.
It's very hard watching someone slowly commit suicide. That's what Abf sponsor told me once. That essentially untreated addicts are slowly killing themselves and are fully aware of it. It's like living with someone who has Alzheimer's. Your privy to watching them slowly die while their bodies are physically present and you can't do a damn thing about it (now of course you could leave, but I'm referring to not being able to make them want to live or get help).
Sounds like you need more support. Are you physically going to Alanon meetings? I love the forums too but when I get myself to a meeting I leave feeling a bit less alone. Therapy would be helpful too - I forgot if you mentioned. Anyway if anything your post at least helped me understand that even years later, the same problem still exists and as they say, got worse. I wish it wasn't that way but you've given me some insight into my own battle and wishful thinking that a loved one will change.
Last thing - you aren't selfish for thinking about how you will cope with a physically ill person. Even if the illness was due to something beyond his control (stroke or brain injury). We are just human beings and after so much struggle with a loved ones mental deterioration, it's hard to imagine another layer on top. Like you said, how much can you take.
Lots of love to you and support
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It's so hard when you're faced with a terrible situation that in all logic, he could have prevented. It's so painful to veer between sympathy, fear, anger and "well what did you THINK would happen"!!!??!!
Sending you all my sympathy and a giant hug.
Sending you all my sympathy and a giant hug.
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain
It's so hard when you're faced with a terrible situation that in all logic, he could have prevented. It's so painful to veer between sympathy, fear, anger and "well what did you THINK would happen"!!!??!!
I think when he is full of self pity " well, what did you think would happen"!
I veer between sympathy and irritation.
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It's really important to get support for yourself, in whatever means you need to get that. Unless he is ready to make some life altering changes, it's only going to get worse. Please don't put yourself second or feel badly. He had to know that making these decisions would eventually lead to serious physical effects on the body.
Hugs to you.
Hugs to you.
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