Two days into opiate withdrawal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 60
Two days into opiate withdrawal
Hello all,
I am not new to recovery (although I have been very out of touch for years), but I am new to this forum. And thank God I found it.
I am currently around 48 hours into my first ever opiate withdrawal (heroin). I've been using it on and off for the past year. Never have I gotten sick or even close to it and I figured if I maintained distance between uses I would be ok. Well between treating for hep c almost all of last year, getting a DUI first thing this year, life has been extremely stressful and I went off the rails a bit with the coke and heroin. My using buddy insisted that he never had hep c but I found out recently be lied and actually did have it (and still may) as I once again appear to have it.
I don't know what to say or where my mind has been all these years but these last two days of reading post after post, and all your responses to them have definitely made one thing clear: it is time to stop. This forum has saved me from myself. I've never been so desperate to end this cycle as I have these last few days.
My parents kicked me out years ago once I got kicked out of college for stealing from a roomate. From there it was all downhill. I was so depressed and shocked that my life had changed so quickly. I hooked up with the wrong people, partied too hard, and one thing led to another and next thing I know I'm on crack. I eventually broke down and came clean to my family and they sent me to rehab for 30 days. I maintained sobriety pretty well after that for a while, with little slip ups here and there.
Somewhere along the way I lost the message and the desire to stay clean. I tried to follow my dream of becoming a successful musician but it never amounted to anything. Drugs always got in the way somehow. I seem to have accepted that drugs will always be with me and I'll never get past them, and never be able to enjoy life the way non-addicts do. As long as I maintain a job and housing I'll be able to use a bit here and there. Well that didn't turn out too well.
I have definitely hit rock bottom. Sunday I was supposed to go to my family's house to celebrate my dad's birthday. I was so deathly sick I slept on their couch, waking up sweating occasionally. I played it off like a fever and got dropped off at home (I have a DUI until November). That morning at around 9am was the last I used (right before they picked me up, as I had been binging shooting coke all night, destroyed my arms, and was desperate to appear "normal" to my family). So I'm at a little more than 48 hours completely sober and my body is hating me. I spent The rest of that Sunday in bed, woke up Monday for work in such bad shape, spent the whole day running back and forth to the toilet and came home just to sleep again. Today is not nearly as bad but I'm still feeling it.
Sorry to babble so long but I have been researching withdrawal and everything with it because I can't take it. I've never felt this bad ever. It's enough to make me never want to touch a drug again. And all the stories and support on these forums has instilled so much hope that I'll eventually be alright. I am so ashamed of myself and wish that I could go back to that day and college and never steal from that kid. Thinking about what my life could have been makes my eyes well up with tears. I was on such a fast track to becoming a great musician with a great career out of Berklee. Now I pick up an instrument maybe once a week if that. And hiding it from my family is killing me. I just want to be normal again. I guess I'm crying for help or something. The anxiety of all this is killing me. I appreciate you all reading. Thanks for the support.
-Steve-
I am not new to recovery (although I have been very out of touch for years), but I am new to this forum. And thank God I found it.
I am currently around 48 hours into my first ever opiate withdrawal (heroin). I've been using it on and off for the past year. Never have I gotten sick or even close to it and I figured if I maintained distance between uses I would be ok. Well between treating for hep c almost all of last year, getting a DUI first thing this year, life has been extremely stressful and I went off the rails a bit with the coke and heroin. My using buddy insisted that he never had hep c but I found out recently be lied and actually did have it (and still may) as I once again appear to have it.
I don't know what to say or where my mind has been all these years but these last two days of reading post after post, and all your responses to them have definitely made one thing clear: it is time to stop. This forum has saved me from myself. I've never been so desperate to end this cycle as I have these last few days.
My parents kicked me out years ago once I got kicked out of college for stealing from a roomate. From there it was all downhill. I was so depressed and shocked that my life had changed so quickly. I hooked up with the wrong people, partied too hard, and one thing led to another and next thing I know I'm on crack. I eventually broke down and came clean to my family and they sent me to rehab for 30 days. I maintained sobriety pretty well after that for a while, with little slip ups here and there.
Somewhere along the way I lost the message and the desire to stay clean. I tried to follow my dream of becoming a successful musician but it never amounted to anything. Drugs always got in the way somehow. I seem to have accepted that drugs will always be with me and I'll never get past them, and never be able to enjoy life the way non-addicts do. As long as I maintain a job and housing I'll be able to use a bit here and there. Well that didn't turn out too well.
I have definitely hit rock bottom. Sunday I was supposed to go to my family's house to celebrate my dad's birthday. I was so deathly sick I slept on their couch, waking up sweating occasionally. I played it off like a fever and got dropped off at home (I have a DUI until November). That morning at around 9am was the last I used (right before they picked me up, as I had been binging shooting coke all night, destroyed my arms, and was desperate to appear "normal" to my family). So I'm at a little more than 48 hours completely sober and my body is hating me. I spent The rest of that Sunday in bed, woke up Monday for work in such bad shape, spent the whole day running back and forth to the toilet and came home just to sleep again. Today is not nearly as bad but I'm still feeling it.
Sorry to babble so long but I have been researching withdrawal and everything with it because I can't take it. I've never felt this bad ever. It's enough to make me never want to touch a drug again. And all the stories and support on these forums has instilled so much hope that I'll eventually be alright. I am so ashamed of myself and wish that I could go back to that day and college and never steal from that kid. Thinking about what my life could have been makes my eyes well up with tears. I was on such a fast track to becoming a great musician with a great career out of Berklee. Now I pick up an instrument maybe once a week if that. And hiding it from my family is killing me. I just want to be normal again. I guess I'm crying for help or something. The anxiety of all this is killing me. I appreciate you all reading. Thanks for the support.
-Steve-
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Write down what you are going through and keep it for later to remind yourself later on. It will get better, also drink plenty of water and maybe sports drinks. You can get through this and you will feel so much better. I am on day 17 of a percocet/oxycodone addiction. Hang tough, it is worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome NJdude. I don't have any experience in opiate withdrawal, but I want to assure you that you've come to the right place for support. You sound like you're determined and that's great. Read and post often. This forum has also saved me from myself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 60
Thank you for the responses! From what I've read, the withdrawal process is long and seemingly endless and miserable. However I'm only on my third day and things seem to be getting better. I'm certainly not 100% but compared to the Sunday where I was unable to even function with my family, I'd say I'm I a much better place. It's amazing that for years I ran and schemed and figured out ways to get high but still maintain a life while hiding it. All it took was to get sick off heroin for me to realize that this is not who I am. Coke was always my DOC, but my old using buddy finally convinced me to do a bit of heroin after a coke binge to get rid if the come down. Well I guess I fell in love with that combo and ended up where I am now.
I am just so ashamed that I've been lying to friends and family and that I threw so much away. I know I can't turn back time but I can make the commitment to just stop this crap already. These last few days have been hell and I certainly don't ever want to feel the way again. I will stay active on this forum a my main source of sobriety. You have no idea what wonders it has done for me throughout this time of w/d. I signed up yesterday but only just received the verification link today. Otherwise I would have posted days ago! Thanks for the support, it is desperately needed.
I am just so ashamed that I've been lying to friends and family and that I threw so much away. I know I can't turn back time but I can make the commitment to just stop this crap already. These last few days have been hell and I certainly don't ever want to feel the way again. I will stay active on this forum a my main source of sobriety. You have no idea what wonders it has done for me throughout this time of w/d. I signed up yesterday but only just received the verification link today. Otherwise I would have posted days ago! Thanks for the support, it is desperately needed.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Welcome!
SR is my lifeline too, so I'm glad you're finding that it's useful and supportive for yourself.
You're right that you don't ever have to go through this again. You can move forward with your life and decide what you want to do.
SR is my lifeline too, so I'm glad you're finding that it's useful and supportive for yourself.
You're right that you don't ever have to go through this again. You can move forward with your life and decide what you want to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 60
Thank you very much Anna. It really really saved me these last few days. I am finally starting to feel less crappy. Still bad, just less. I know it will pass. And I know that none of the recovery will truly begin until I start changing my ways. Even if my posts are scarce at times, know that I'll be on here lurking around at least an hour a day. I will be forever grateful for this community. I'm glad to be part of YOUR statistics and not the addiction's.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Very glad to meet you Steve!
Not being alone made all the difference to me. I was drinking 24/7 when I found SR - and it's meant the world to have people who understood. I'm happy you found us and are sharing your feelings here. You sound ready to do this thing.
Not being alone made all the difference to me. I was drinking 24/7 when I found SR - and it's meant the world to have people who understood. I'm happy you found us and are sharing your feelings here. You sound ready to do this thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 60
Hevyn, you're extremely right about that. The fact that we aren't alone in this is what opened my eyes to the fact that I have a choice and I need to make a change. And reading all the different experiences and responses is truly inspiring and motivating. I have a long way to go I know. I plan on just riding out the rest of this week so the withdrawal will pass, then doing a nice grocery shopping this weekend and getting some fruits and veggies and some supplements (I've been eating like crap for far too long). After a week or so of good dieting I plan in using the gym in my apartment complex and spending the next couple months getting a nice exercise routine down. I appreciate all the loving words and support. Keep it coming!
-Steve-
-Steve-
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Very glad to meet you Steve! Not being alone made all the difference to me. I was drinking 24/7 when I found SR - and it's meant the world to have people who understood. I'm happy you found us and are sharing your feelings here. You sound ready to do this thing.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Just hang in there Steve, you should be over the hump on the withdrawal symptoms. It may take a bit to return to normal while your body relearns how to operate without that in your system. You will get plenty of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by Njdude
Thank you for the responses! From what I've read, the withdrawal process is long and seemingly endless and miserable. However I'm only on my third day and things seem to be getting better. I'm certainly not 100% but compared to the Sunday where I was unable to even function with my family, I'd say I'm I a much better place. It's amazing that for years I ran and schemed and figured out ways to get high but still maintain a life while hiding it. All it took was to get sick off heroin for me to realize that this is not who I am. Coke was always my DOC, but my old using buddy finally convinced me to do a bit of heroin after a coke binge to get rid if the come down. Well I guess I fell in love with that combo and ended up where I am now.
I am just so ashamed that I've been lying to friends and family and that I threw so much away. I know I can't turn back time but I can make the commitment to just stop this crap already. These last few days have been hell and I certainly don't ever want to feel the way again. I will stay active on this forum a my main source of sobriety. You have no idea what wonders it has done for me throughout this time of w/d. I signed up yesterday but only just received the verification link today. Otherwise I would have posted days ago! Thanks for the support, it is desperately needed.
I am just so ashamed that I've been lying to friends and family and that I threw so much away. I know I can't turn back time but I can make the commitment to just stop this crap already. These last few days have been hell and I certainly don't ever want to feel the way again. I will stay active on this forum a my main source of sobriety. You have no idea what wonders it has done for me throughout this time of w/d. I signed up yesterday but only just received the verification link today. Otherwise I would have posted days ago! Thanks for the support, it is desperately needed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 60
Thank you all of you. It's such a relief! Still being dragged down by some if these w/d symptoms but in getting there. Another day or 2 and I'll be back. Then the real work starts! Thanks for letting me be part of your family!
Love you all,
-Steve-
Love you all,
-Steve-
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 7
i just joined this forum recently and have relapsed several times, 2 days clean now, very emotional, fiending for some dope, but determined not to do it. Drugs have taken everything from me and that emptiness of loss is setting in now and it's relentless, the torture and pain the cyclical depression and results of many bad decisions. I wish you the best and encourage you to keep posting here and searching out others who understand........
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