need2stop

Hi,

This is my first time coming here. I've been to AA but it wasn't for me. My drinking has gotten worse within the past4-5 years. I actually love to drink. I hope this doesn't sound weird to anyone but I actually love to drink, almost like a love affair. I am married but I would rather drink, because I love it more than my husband and even my daughter. Boy, Do I have problems, I could cry. I'm so sad and depressed. What a pathetic life to feel this way. What can I do. Everyday I say that's enough but when the evening comes around I will just finish the wine that's in my house and then I will stop, but that never seems to happen. Is my mind playing games on me??? Please help I don't know where to go. I don't think I need a detox because in March I actually went 8 days without drinking with no problem.

I hope someone answers I don't know where else to go.
Theresa

Stephanie

Hi Theresa,

You've found the perfect place. Welcome to Soberrecovery. Believe it or not, your feelings don't sound different than mine or anyone else's around here. I like drugs better than everything and everyone in my life. In the end I lost everything and everyone because of my addiction. I understand the way you feel and there are tons of us around here that do also. Take a look around the boards and post where you feel comfortable. Try to alcoholism forum or the AA forum.

It's very hard to stop on your own but there are people who want to help and offer support. Where glad you're here.

kckman

Theresa i believe your mind is playing games with you. my mind playes lots of games with me too. i am in love with alcohol too. at least the addict in me wants me to believe that. that part of my brain just loves to drink. it doesnt care about less important things like husbands, wives and offspring. the addict is only interested in getting stoned.

there is a rational part of your self that sees things differently.

honestly theresa it does sound like you have some real problems because of your drinking. those problems are real. we do have choices. we can choose to keep drinking in spite of the obvious problems or we can choose to abstain. neither choice is easy. they both require work and they both require that we make certain sacrafices.

need2stop is reaching out for help. you have taken the first step by starting this thread. the good news is you can stop. you did it in march for 8 days. you have the strength it is within you. it is not easy though. sometimes in our lives we have to leave things we love in order to grow. the choice is yours to drink or to abstain. neither choice is going to be painless.

keep posting and welcome there are many good people here who love to drink.

need2stop

Thank you Stephanie and KCKman ( I hope I got your name right) I feel so lonely. I just want to push life aside, so I don't have to hurt my husband and especialy my daughter. I try to go to church and try to exercise but nothing works. I know I am upsetting my husband and ruining my daughters life. I think it would be better if she didn't have to see me like this...

need2stop

That's Ok, that is how life is. Thank you

Dan

Hi Theresa, I'm Dan, an addict. Alcohol became my favorite drug towards the end. I not only still love it, I can lust for it if left to my own devices. Luckily, I've come to understand that alcohol abuse happens for two primary reasons.
1. Obsession. I would wake up some mornings so sick from the previous day's drinking that the only thing I could think of doing was to drink some more, just to get rid of the feeling that I was going to die if I didn't. Or a few days would go by, I'd get through the withdrawal, and start thinking that I could drink again more moderately. I would think about a bottle, the first sip, the head rush, the relaxed euphoria. Yep, after a few days sober, I would forget about the 72 or so hours of withdrawal when I wanted to peel my skin off to get at whatever it was that was doing the crazy dance under it. I obsessed with the belief that I could control my drinking until I gave in and bought a bottle.

2. Compulsion. Once the first drink in me, all bets are off. I simply cannot stop until the bottle is empty. And then it's the second and the third, etc...
And then it's morning again, and I'm so sick, and I repeat the process...

That you tried AA and didn't like it isn't surprising. You probably weren't ready to stop drinking. There are other recovery programs out there.
So welcome Theresa, to SoberRecovery. You'll find only support here for your quest for sobriety. The work to be done though, is up to you.

KelKel

Theresa
Hi welcome to SoberRecovery.

My name is Kellie and I am an addict and my drug of choice is alcohol.
I am a big time lush, who has almost 2 months sober this time around.
I think I may be on the right road this time, the good red road.

Anyway I am glad you are here, there is some beautiful stuff happening around here...
I just finished reading a good book about addiction...I found it at the library.
"DRINKING A love Story" By: Caroline Knapp

I too loved my booze, enough that I almost let the toxic liquid kill me.

Rowan

Hi I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm so glad you're here! That you sought a recovery site speaks volumes. I too love drinking. That is, I used to. I do understand how unthinkable it seems to live without alcohol when you have come to rely on it so often - I really can identify. I attend AA regularly, and I wouldn't have contented sobriety without it. I do understand that it may not be for everyone. But oh, how it has changed my life! I spent my days in isolation, hidden from the world. I was depressed and often contemplated suicide. I didn't want to spend time with anyone or go anywhere. I just wanted to drink. If you truly WANT sobriety, it is yours! Keep posting in here and let us know how you are doing; there are some terrific people in here as you can see. Sobriety is a gold mine; have faith that you can do this! Please
keep coming back!

triegger

I am so new I have no advice to give, know there are people out there who care, tons on this board.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Triegger

lizzy81001

welcome theresa. i am not an alkie, my drug of choice is pot. but i completely understand the 'love affair'. i love pot, but hate it at the same time. never been to NA meetings. this place is the first place i sought help. funny how the day i decided to puit i just looked up something on the internet about pot and wound up on this sight. i believe that is called a BLESSING. i hope you find some serenity chatting with all the wonderful people on this site.

Anna

Hi Theresa,

Welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us.

In case you're interested there is an absolutely amazing book called "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp, published 1996. It's an autobiography of a woman in her late 30's and her involvement with alcohol. When I read it, I felt as if she must know me.

Hang around and get to know us.

Love, Anna

TorontoGuy28

Hey Theresa.

I am 28, and an alkie....

Hear ya about the love for alcohol and the false sense of happiness it brings to me temporarily.. For me it is/was an unhealthy way to deal with life, might it be stress at work, relationship problems... Right now things are good. Stick around, great bunch of people here.. The Canadians especially

TG28

wingsfree

Hi Theresa.....welcome to SoberRecovery.

Ah you love to drink, don't we all, yep you guessed I'm an alkie also, and damn sick of it.....psst the longer you continue with it, it will sink it's claws in real deep, and hang on extra hard to you, you'll soon learn to HATE it.

I wish you the best on your journey to sobriety, I hope you soon find your way Theresa, the sooner we stop this insanity the better we will be, get on with our lives without dragging this burden with us daily.

As Toronto guy has mentioned, the gang here are the best, please listen to what they have to say, they'll guide you through this. See that some of the gang has already given you so real good advice.

Love and hugs......Denise

Hi Toronto guy, from one Canadian to another.

need2stop

Wow, everyone here is so caring. I've never felt that outpour of caring from people before, especially people I don't know. I now have a clearer head this morning after my posting last night with quite a few glasses of wine in me. I really do want/need to stop but at times I feel I could just control it with just a couple of drinks but all of a sudden I'm looking for more. Why can't I be satisfied with 2 or 3 glasses of wine instead of pounding down 8-10 glasses of wine. I guess that's the reality of the disease. How does everyone here decide to stop? Do you just one day decide enough is enough and then just don't drink anymore or do you cut down on your drinking until you don't desire it anymore?? Right now I always feel like I'm going to stop but for now I just want to finish the wine I have in my house and then I'll stop but when the wine is gone I buy more and swear again I will stop after I finish this bottle or 5 liter box of wine. Oh My When Does It End???

Thank you so much for listening. From one caring person to another,

Theresa

TorontoGuy28

If I don't have my first drink, I won't have my 20th... Simple as that. There is no "cutting down" or trying to "control" my intake......

ted

WELCOME THERESA,I'M TED,ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT.I'M THE SAME AS YOU,ALCOHOL WAS MY OBSESSION FOR 30 YEARS.IT ROBBED ME OF EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE.YOU WILL FIND GREAT PEOPLE HERE THAT CAN HELP.WISH YOU ALL THE BEST LIFE HAS TO OFFER..........ted :rambo:

sherbear5104

Welcome Theresa,
I'm Sherry, a recovery addict. You ask how we stop, the answer is: one day at a time. Sometimes we need to do it one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time. The trick is not to pick up the first one. We can only live for today, which is why we do this one day at a time. Just decide for today to quit. I also get help from NA and from outpatient counseling. Some of us had to go to detox, and to a rehab center. It all depends on the person. Some of us just simply made the decision to quit and sought help through AA/NA. But just remember the most important thing: Don't take the first drink. The first one is the one that gets us drunk, because, as you said, it turns into 8-10. Keep posting, and good luck.

Little Missy

Hugs to you Theresa!! Welcome to Soberecovery!!

You asked why you can't just have 2 or 3 drinks, well for me, it is because I'm an alcoholic. That is a decision you have to make for yourself. Just know that the insanity can stop. Don't drink today. That's all you have to do right now. Then when tomorrow comes you will have accomplished something. You will wake up sober and without a hang over. It is to overwhelming for us to think that we can never drink again. That is why we take it One Day At A Time!! I hear the desire to drink does pass with time. The thought of having a drink sticks around, because we are alcoholics.

It is very difficult to do this alone. I hope you find a program that works for you. I do AA and of course I come here! I can not believe how much my life has changed for the better since I stopped drinking!!

Keep coming back!
Missy

mnj1024

Welcome Theresa! my name is mike, and you have found a wonderful place here with lots of support and information. If you keep an open mind you just might find the what you are looking for, I sure know I did.

mgwh

Theresa, I am new to this too, I am glad I found this place, there are great people here. Just stop today and see how you feel tomorrow, like they said one day or even one minute at a time. Good luck! Let me know how you are coming along.

Mik