Catherine90

Hi everyone. So glad I have found this website and am hopeful of some support from others in a similar situation to me. I am a young mum of 2 beautiful boys and have a partner who I love very much, only problem being he has a drink and drug problem that only I seem to see. He can go weeks without touching a drop, but when he does it often lasts for days and he becomes a horrible frightening and violent person. I have always stood my ground that he cannot be in the house when he is on one of his "binges" but this leaves me with the horrible fear of where he is, which sometimes is at his mothers who herself is a recovering alcoholic and I feel she overlooks his problems because of guilt she carries from events in his childhood down to her drink problem. When he isn't at his mothers he can be with any of his "friends" who are all heavy drinkers, drug users and generally not the type of people I want him around Atalanta. He promises me the world, and is always very sorry after one of his episodes, which used to win me over. Only since the birth of our second child in October have I viewed things differently and realised he has a real problem which is ruining our family which I know he loves very much, just not as much as his drink and drugs. I'm at my wits end and maybe haven't done a very good job explaining my situation I'm just very nervous posting on here but I hope there is somebody who has been through something similar with ANY sort of advice, I would appreciate anybody's views. Thanks so much
Catherine

SparkleKitty

Hi Catherine, and welcome. I am glad you found us, but so very sorry for the situation that brings you here.

It sounds like you already know that you do not Cause, cannot Control, and cannot Cure his drinking (we call those the three C's) which is a very strong foundation for you. And I commend you for standing your ground that he needs to be out of the house if he is going to binge drink. Of course you worry about what he is doing, but at least you can be secure in the knowledge that he is at the very least, not being "frightening and violent" around you and your children.

I encourage you to read here as much as you can stand, particularly the "Sticky" posts at the top of the Friends and Family forum page. In those pages you will find years of collected experience, strength and hope as you come to understand what alcoholism is and what it does to people and those who who love them.

The good news is that you have found of community of people who share your experiences. You are not alone, and there is no need to be nervous posting. We all "get" you, and are here to listen to you and support you. Sending you strength and courage.

hopeful4

Hi Catherine. Welcome to SR! As it was already said, so glad you are here, but sorry for what brings you here. I was married to a binge drinker for years. We are in the process of divorce. All I can say is to take good care of you, don't cover for him, ever. Make sure you and your children have a wide face to face support system. Reach out to those who love you and let them support you.

The only way it gets better is if he wants it to get better. Recovery from any addiction is something you have to be willing to work every single day for the rest of your life. It's a big commitment, not one easily made. I encourage you to seek a support group for yourself. Protect yourself. And remember to not become emmeshed into his addiction. You need fun and happiness in your life, as do your children.

Good Luck and God Bless. Feel free to read my posts, I have been on here for a while and am in the process of divorcing my XAH who was a binge drinker. I have two daughters, 14 and 8. I am definitely not saying divorce is the only option. Please don't think that. It escalated for me into physical and verbal violence, so I had to get out. Every marriage is different. What you need is support for YOU.

Good Luck and God Bless!