crlion

Well started drinking early today 7am. That is embarrassing to admit. Had more drinks at lunch and later in the day. don't feel drunk but definitely under the influence.

I did so well 17 days sober and I don't know why I did this to myself. I guess being an alcoholic there is no excuse and it just happens. Iam committed to not drinking from now on. I can't continue like this. I'm at work and functioning but who knows how long that would last if I keep drinking.

Anyway just reaching out for some support and to help me get back to sober.

I hate having an addiction. Your a slave to the addiction.

Dee74

I think thinking 'it just happens' is not the best attitude tho.

Think about all the things you could have done today instead of drinking from 7am - posting here asking for help for example?

What support do you have apart from us Crlion?

D

doggonecarl

You don't have to be a slave to addiction. There is freedom in recovery. You replied to someone in your first post, "AA may be an option in the future."

Is day one future enough?

mejorando

It's unfortunate, but give yourself credit for reaching out after a slip. Another positive is that you are, indeed, functioning. Having lost jobs, this is something I don't take for granted.

Simply keep writing for support and watch your sobriety times get longer! : )

Best of luck

Marcher13

Good idea to post crlion but it would have been a better idea to post at 6.55am and tell us that you had a craving, one or more of us would have been here to help you through it.

We aren't necessarily slaves to our addiction though, submitting to our addictions is one thing but we can choose not to. It's not easy and we need support to do it but we do indeed have a choice, in slavery there is no choice.

Ruby2

Sorry you aren't having a good day. It's good that you are back here. I agree with Dee that thinking it just happens isn't the best way to view it. That's kind of like when my kids are throwing a ball around in the living room and knock over a lamp. We're sorry mom, it was an accident. We didn't mean to. It just happened. But they set in motion all the factors that come into play for that to happen without considering the consequences.

Seventeen days is great and you can do it again. Think about the factors that led up to picking up at that first drink. Coming here to talk about urges or thoughts of drinking before you drink is a good start. Live consciously for a while and not on autopilot. We are all creatures of habit and do things without thinking about it. How much thought do you put into brushing your teeth or putting on your shoes? We just sort of drift into doing it without much thought. All our habits as alcoholics tend to find us drifting towards getting a drink because that is what we are used to for so long. Break that cycle.

Dust yourself off. Good on coming back here.

KAD

Don't look at this slip as blowing all your progress. It's a minor setback but use it as a lesson. I agree with others that looking at drinking as something that "just happens" is wrongheaded. No one drinks by accident. Pick yourself up and move on. You blew it one day and that can't be changed now, but you can learn from it.

crlion

For the support. I really didn't choose my words well because no it doesn't just happen. there is a concious choice to pick up the bottle again. Well I didn't stop this morning and have anything to drink. I see this as day one again and I'm determined not too stuff up.

I agree with the comment that I should have posted before I drank which probably would have helped me not to do it.

thanks all for helping me out. This forum is great because answers come through so quickly.

Dee74

Make plans to do things differently this time crlion - if you need more support, get it - and use it. If you need to make more changes in your life to help you stay sober? make those changes

Life's not a dress rehearsal, y'know?

D

crlion

I'm thinking of going to an AA meeting tonight. There is one near my house at 6:30pm.

I did post recently that I wasn't too keen on the religious slant of AA but I guess that's the least of my worries and need some support.

Can anyone tell me their experiences of AA?

Njdude

I wasn't too keen on the religious aspect of AA as well, but start going to a few meetings and you'll soon realize that no one is ramming Christianity or Judaism or any religion down your throat. They promote a spiritual aspect of looking at yourself and saying "if something like a disease has so much control over me, I need to give up trying to control it my way, and give in to a HIGHER POWER". Yes, many tend to find God as their higher power, but your higher power is whatever you choose it to be. This step was the hardest for me. I could not seem to differentiate between spirituality and religion. And the fact that most had God as their spiritual higher power made it even more confusing! Finally, I took a sort of Agnostic approach and said "I don't know what my higher power is, but I know something is there and I know that I need to give it control". Surprisingly this worked. I moved in to a few other steps and unfortunately I got comfortable and cocky with the whole 12 step program that I left early. I still stayed clean for a while but eventually, with no support group, I slipped up. Once here, once there, then more and more and more. Until I was a full blown addict again. A support system is crucial in staying clean.

Ruby2

How was the AA meeting? Were you able to attend?

I attend AA meetings. AA promotes a spiritual aspect like Njdude says. I was uncomfortable at first at what I thought was the religious slant as you phrased it but like you, that was the least of my worries and I needed support. AA and coming on SR and reading a lot help me.

Njdude

Much agreed with Ruby. At the time that I found myself at the door of AA/NA, religion was the least of my worries. I needed hell and knew that I could not do it by myself or on by own terms. I figured that if they have such a good track record and I have nothing but failure on my own, maybe there's something to it. Just try it. Coming here on SR is definitely my saving grace these days. Wishing you the best

-Steve-