Harmihavedone

I have very recently hurt the person I love through behaviour while intoxicated,I have been getting worse every time I go out drinking,I drink more I get mean I get depressed I get angry and I black out .there is some history in my family of severe alcohol abuse.i have been abusing alcohol without even thinking of it like that since I was 16,more like 15 even..I can now looking back see how it's affected my life negatively in horrendous ways.my rock bottom is kissing another girl while blind drunk like I didn't even have a partner ,I couldn't even remember it or the previous 5+hrs of the day and when confronted I just blamed everything else in that nasty vile tone somebody who is completely wasted does..I used to think alcoholics were people who drank everyday I grew up where getting wasted Friday and Saturday was not seen as unusual behaviour ,well I can truly say now that I should not drink,it is the most irresponsible decision I can make by drinking.i can never be sure what the outcome is going to be ..as far as underlying problems I think any I have are a direct result of alcohol abuse and decisions made under influence ,I need help I just wanted to pointed in the right direction,take control of my life and to stop hurting people like a monster.i feel like I want to die right now with the things I have said and done

ontherightpath

Im sorry that you are hurting. If the hurt that you are feeling is enough to catapault you into recovery, then its neccessary to have it. We are alcoholics, we do things that we normally would never do sober. We dont know how to stop the insane cycle. Until we stop digging for a new bottom. There are many many avenues to take in getting help. Check out the forums. Glad you are here and have reached out.

ChickChick

Welcome to SR Harmi. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I also did and said things when I was drunk that make me cringe thinking about them now.

I am new so I'm sure others more experienced will chime in. But you can make this the day you quit alcohol for good and then you will never have to have horrible day like this again.

You can come join the class of april here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-12.html there is lots of support here on SR. Hang in there.

LBrain

welcome HARM, if you want to stop, this is a good place to start, you'll get plenty of support and advice,

you have to ask your self one question. ARE YOU READY? Are you ready to make the commitment to forgo alcohol for the rest of your life? Quitting, staying quit and getting sober? It's not easy but it's worth it.

Dee74

Welcome to SR harmihavedone

It's never too late to change and to turn things around. You'll find a lot of hope and support here - glad you've found us

D

Hevyn

Harm it's great to have you join us. Believe me, you are not alone - we've all said & done things we regret while drinking. Here's where it can end. You never have to go through this again.

Alcohol turned me into a person who was the exact opposite of the real me. I became argumentative and mean. It was much easier to kick it out of my life. Trying to control it never worked. You don't need it in your life. Keep posting and stay with us.

Anna

I hope that you can turn things around and that you use the way you are feeling now to move you forward in recovery.

least

Welcome to the family. Quitting drinking is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good.

StormiNormi

welcome Harmihavedone, you will find a lot of support here and excellent advise.
I, for one, could never had quit thinking I can never ever have a drink again. What worked for me, is; I can drink, just not today. Maybe tomorrow. And then tomorrow, I repeat the same thing. Sobriety is a one day at a time endeavor.
You can start making amends to your loved ones today, living amends, by not taking the first drink, being humble and completely honest. Sobriety is not only attainable, it is your for the taking. You just have to make the decision. Sober 15 days, one day at a time.

Harmihavedone

I cannot believe how quickly you have all replied,thank you so much! You don't know this means to me,I will promise to remain on this thread and to help others as much as I can the more I learn on my path to recovery,thank you all so so much!!!

retroactive

I totally understand where you are coming from. I had a very similar experience Saturday night. I got way too drunk and had been doing cocaine all night. I blacked out and turned into a terrible person that I never want to be again. I tried to pick fights with all of my friends and people I didn't even know. Everyone around me got extremely uncomfortable because I was a mess and they were all worried about me. I punched my roommate in the nose because he tried to take the flask away from me. I texted a girl that I really care about and said some super hurtful things. When I woke up the next morning (yesterday), I decided that I am not going to be that person anymore. I sold all of my drug paraphernalia which is a big step for me because I have smoked weed just about every day for the last two years. I am excited about the future.

Amazingglazier

MitchMatch , welcome to SR! You can make this the last time you do anything in a alcohol and or drug induced stupor! It takes a lot more effort to quit than to pickup, but you can do it if you try! I don't know from your post your age , but I am 58 and there is a whole other world out here! Keep coming here on SR , there are many myself included who have been in your shoes and will support and help you on your journey to sobriety! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

retroactive

That is my plan Amazingglazier! I totally regret the way I acted the other night and that is why I am here. I am only 20 by the way, but I know what an addictive personality I have and I am ready to make a positive change in my life.