kellygurl1711

I started working with my sponsor today for the first time. We went over things i should start doing and had a little chat. I did everything she said to do tonight. Then i decided to get a chunk of the big book out of the way. When i got to Working With Others, the chapter had a different feel to it. Instead of saying "we"it says "you"and gives step by step instructions on how to sponsor. If the rest of the book was set up that way i don't think I'd feel this way But it isn't. I wrote in the margin, "exactly what my sponsor did at Starbucks for me. Feeling angry right now. Does she even really care?" It made me feel like my sponsor doesn't truly care and is only doing this because the big book told her to. Maybe I'm holding too much stock in my sponsor instead of my higher power. I'm confused. I really want to keep working with her. Is this something i should tell her about?

deeker

Not sure what bothers you, but it doesn't say we, because it is addressed to people who are already sober and seeking to help others find sobriety. Having a sponsor is a gift, they don't owe us anything. They are taking time out of their busy lives to help us. Up till now perfect strangers. If they agreed to be your sponsor then they are taking a huge risk with someone who may not last. It takes a very special person to do that.They don't have to help you, but they are.

The Chapter is a guide to approaching new people who need help. It is how AA started and why it works. One alcoholic helping another. We can not keep it unless we give it away.

Dee74

I'm not in AA Kelly but I think I'd rather someone who went by the book, the way millions of other people have done it, successfully, rather than someone who made it up as they went along

Maybe it doesn't mean you're 'just another sponsee'...maybe it means she takes her responsibility seriously and cares enough to get it right?

D

deeker

The chapter is addressed to people who have worked the 12 steps.

It Is The 12th step , you are not there yet. Right now she is working the 12th step by helping you.

Step 12
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics
and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

She is carrying the message to you because in doing so she is helping you but it also is helping to keep
herself sober. When you get to the 12 step you will understand.

Keep it simple! She is the one with the experience strength and hope.

kellygurl1711

Thanks guys. I just was writing about it. I'm really grateful that i have someone as cool as her to sponsor me through this tough time. I worked out that my anger isn't directed at my sponsor but at myself. Right now i don't have a very strong higher power and i keep forgetting to take it one day at a time. This program is turning out to be way harder than i thought and after reading step twelve i think i just got scared I'll never get there. But i know if i was a sponsor (especially a first time sponsor ) i would want all the help i could get to make sure i didn't ruin this person's sobriety. So I'm going to take it one day and one breath as a time. Tonight I'll pray that i can find the courage to let go of this anger because it's a luxury i can't afford.

deeker

Just remember, we take this one day at a time. The steps are in order for a specific reason and we work them in order. Just focus on the step you are on which is step 1. As you work each step with your sponsor it will prepare you for the next step.

Don't over think it. Do you have the 12 and 12 book AA approved?


I would read the 1st step. Anything after the first step you do not need to be concerned with until your sponsor says you are ready to proceed. Keep is simple! If you run through the steps you just may fall.

Here is the link to the 12 and 12 book, you will see it at your meetings if you go to literature meetings. Step 1

Big Book On Line
Linked With Permission Of AA World Services,inc

Our sponsors job is to guide us through the steps. I wish you the best!

kellygurl1711

I need remind myself of an acronym i heard in one of my meetings. KISS: keep it simple stupid! Lol

deeker

yup

kellygurl1711

Thank you! Im going to stop putting my energy into this nonsensical thought pattern I've got going. I need to reread step one again. And focus on that and on the fact that i really am grateful that she's helping me through this and taking time out of her life to do this for a practical stranger. I feel bad that i was ever angry in the first place. Talking really helped.

deeker

That's how it works, one alcoholic helping another! And believe me when I say that you are also helping her. By her sponsoring you, your recent experience with alcohol some 40 days ago is a definite reminder that going back out there is never the answer. As alcoholics we have real short term memories and we need to be reminded that it is not getting any better out there. Whether we have 10 yrs sober or 6 weeks.

kellygurl1711

I'm Hungry Angry and Tired right now. I'm going to get some rest and then I'm just going to focus on being in the present tomorrow to see where I'm really at and get some perspective.

deeker

gnite, and share these feelings with ur sponsor. She will not be offended.

She is there to answer questions and explain the program to you.

sleep well

yeahgr8

I was in that position a couple of times in early sobriety, I remember over hearing things like the chapter that you read and feeling hurt, then angry. I was really sensitive about stuff like that, took everything personally.

At this moment in time you need her to get you sober so you must, must talk to her about this next time you see her. Don't let your head get in the way, talk to her about it! That's what I had to do and I was mostly pleasantly surprised by the feedback.

Gottalife

Kelly, you are truly blessed to have a sponsor who can put her ego aside and show you how to recover according to the tried and true method in the big book.

I have seen many drink again and even one or two deaths through sponsors you think they know better than the book and introduce their own take on things.

The fact that your sponsor is working this way tells me that she cares much more about you than she does about her own ego.

My advice to people in AA generally is to always check anything I say against what is in the book. If they can't reconcile it with the book then disregard it, as it's not AA.