shalette

Hello SR, So yesterday I made it through the bridal shower (was offered drink after drink and turned them down), didn't go to Jazz Fest but came home and finished the bottle of wine that was in the house......

I can't say why I did it because I don't know..... I have a lot of stressful things in my life but I know better and want to do better. Not giving up but back to day 1 again.

It seems like I am always starting over!

:-(

least

I can't keep track of how many times I 'started over'. Keep your goal in mind and keep your head up. You can do this.

Upward2Enlightenment

The most important thing you stated in your title, not giving up.

Mountainmanbob

might be because you are alcoholic ??

if not sure you can read the Doctors Opinion on line (in the AA Big Book)

MountainmanBob




THE DOCTOR'S OPINION - Silkworth.net

silkworth.net/gsowatch/litbook.pdf‎

http--silkworth.net-gsowatch-litbook.pdf

1. THE DOCTOR'S OPINION. We of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described.

shalette

Yes, I am an alcoholic.... Thanks for the website....

I haven't started the steps but believe I need to!!!!

Thepatman

You can do this, I had many false starts as well, something will eventually stick. Just keep trying and modifying your plan until you find your own recipe ;-)

Dee74

After getting through tough events, I often came home and drank too.

I stayed away from tough events for a while Shallette - staying sober is hard enough without deliberately testing yourself before you're up to it ?

D

courage2

Hi Shalette -- keep trying and you'll get it!

I've found that the worst most irrational urges to drink come up on me AFTER I've successfully refused an offer or watched someone else drinking without ordering my own. So I avoid people who would invite me to drink and places where drink is flowing as much as I possibly can. I hope you don't have any more big events coming up, but if you do, maybe you should think about not going until you're a little stronger.

Amazingglazier

Shallete, we all "messup" from time to time, getting it cleaned up and back on track is what matters! Hanging out on here at SR has kept me going. Hearing the pain of others has brought back vivid images about what I went through and what I put others through, but it has steeled me in my decision to stay sober! There are so many great people on here and working together we can help ourselves. Please hang out with us on your journey! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Anna

I think I might know because that's what I did in early recovery. I went to a neighborhood party and managed, with difficulty, to not drink. But, the next morning I couldn't wait to get out and buy wine. I realized I had to stay away from people who were drinking for quite a while if I was going to recover. It took many, many months before I felt comfortable going back into social settings with alcohol.

benniesauntie

Hey Shallete. I'm not sure how old you are but I really understand what you mean when you say you get offered drink after drink. I'm going to be 26 in June. People don't seem to understand why I wouldn't drink. I've only been sober for a month, and I have fortunately been able to avoid any situations that would be like what you dealt with.

I think that you saying no to the offered drinks is really great and especially with having lots of stressors in your life!

Everyone makes mistakes and I think it's awesome you posted about it and are just going to keep going

shalette

I understand now that being in situations that alcohol is there is not for me..... every time I said "no" I thought "great job." But coming home and drinking a glass for each one I rejected was just as bad.

The hardest thing for me is staying away from family but it is a must. They don't understand but I have to do what is best for me.....

Thanks for the support..... I am using all your words as "encouragement." I may have fallen... but I am back up and will continue to get to keep making sure I am a 100% alcohol free!

benniesauntie

Sorry I realize I spelled your name wrong in my post. My parents are alcoholics. Right now we are struggling bc they like to have beers all the time. I don't want to tell them they can't drink around me but I can't be around it. But we have to do what's best for us. Good luck

jaynie04

Shalette, so happy you came right back. When I first got sober I put myself in absolutely no situations that involved booze. Zero, Zip, Nada. I was less worried about being tempted and more worried about feeling resentful.

I gave myself months before I started to test the waters again. Things I can do now were unfathomable to me 10 months ago. I just kept trusting people here that it would get better. I hung on Dee's words of giving it a year.

Seeing the progress has been a huge part of keeping me sober. I don't ever want to climb out of that hole again. We all have our own paths, but as you make those small decisions daily, all of a sudden you realize a day, a week…and you are on your way.

I could not have gone to a shower (at least not the ones I am used to) when I was newly sober. I could go today. I hope in some time you will be giving the same advice to someone who is newer than you.

Perhaps this happened so you could see that some things might need to change, for a while at least. I started to realize half the reason I drank was because I didn't really want to be where I was half the time.

Great job on coming right back!

MariahGayle

Shalette - Good for you being honest & getting right back on track!

instant

Addiction is it's own 'reason'. Been there many times- used to be a bit of a strategy when I was in polite company- leave early and get wasted.

It might help to read about and reflect on your own experience of 'urges' - the ones that took me ages to understand were the 'thinking' aspects, when I did not feel it strongly physically. It's hard to believe it can get better.............but it can

RevivingOphelia

I was on this site months, and tried many times, before I quit for good.

You're awesome for coming back, admitting it, and trying again!

LBrain

well shalette, I guess it's a shame you missed the music...

No really. Because just from your post I'm sure (almost certain) you would have drunk somewhere along the day had you gone to the music fest.

You were already drinking that wine while you were at the shower. It was going through your head. You just didn't want anyone to see you drink and figured if you could make it home you could have that wine in peace. You put on that brave front but crumbled when no one was watching. Believe me you are not the first OR the last to act in this manner. It happens all the time. Try to learn from it and to strengthen your resolve.

You can do all the steps you want a hundred times over. BUT, until you don't want to drink more than you do, you are fooling yourself.
As someone already said. You have to want it first. And until you commit to not drinking you will eventually drink again. Don't worry about the STEPS. Concentrate on just one of them. Once you actually ACCEPT the fact that you cannot drink, it is only then can you proceed in that process.
Accept it. Stop it. Then fix it. I know you are sincere in your quest. Try to be stronger. Stick with a plan and stay stopped. We're all rooting for you.

shalette

Thanks! Lbrain you are correct in saying I have to Accept I can not drink. I am on Day 2 and actually only thought about having a glass on my way home (probably because my brother was drinking a beer as I drove), however, I didn't have the urge or the desire when I got home!

Today was a great day. I was in front of my students after a week long spring break and something about not having a "headache" or needing 3 or 4 cups of coffee to get through the morning was a blessing. Their energy and eagerness to learn reminded me why I started teaching "special education." I actually felt like my "old" energetic self when I first started teaching 16 years ago.

What a GREAT day!!!!! Lesson Planning Time

MIRecovery

Might not be the best idea to go to a drinking situation and then go back to a house that has alcohol in it.

Sometimes it is a razor thin edge between drinking and not so I avoid places where there is alcohol and I have a dry house