Kabukicho

I am VERY new to recovery.

I am addicted to Klonopin / Xanax and alcohol.

I have received so many wonderful words of support and comfort from the compassionate, helpful people on this forum.

But, I'm worried. Everyone who says "Oh, it's easy to kick the bottle, I did it." Or those people who say, "Don't worry. It's easy to break through to the other side."

When I hear those words, I think, "Oh, my addictions aren't so bad. I can kick them anytime." And then I drink more. And I use more.

Support is important. But sometimes it can be enabling.

Thoughts?

Dee74

I completely disagree.

SR saved my life.
I *needed* to know other people could do it - I had no confidence left in myself.

Give us a chance You've been a part of this community a number of hours.

It's not the forum you have to worry about, Kabukicho, it's the way our inner addict can take anything it finds threatening, twist it, and use that to protect itself.

D

chicory

Hi Kabukicho.

I have to say that I don't think I have ever heard anyone here talk like that.

Supportive, yes, but flippant about quitting drugs or drink, no.

Perhaps you heard them wrongly?

you may have misunderstood someone being encouraging, to mean it is easy. If it was easy, we would not be here.
glad you are here. this is a great place.

Kabukicho

Thank you for your kind words.

I am cutting down on my consumption. I am just so scared. It's horrible. I don't know what to do.

Kabukicho

It's so true about the inner-addict. It will do anything to protect itself and feed itself.

Dee74

Keep reaching out - the beauty of this place is that there's always someone here

D

chicory

yes, but here you won't be alone with that inner addict.. you will have a lot of support, to help you to learn how to live differently.

nice to meet you.

Kabukicho

The ultimate question is, "Do I want to quit?"

Right now, my substance abuse SEEMS to be increasing my quality of life. It is decreasing my anxiety and improving my depression. I am torn between wanting to continue with my addictions and the miserable, hateful, terrifying choice of quitting them.

I don't know how to live life without my substances.

Coldfusion

Some words of support that really need to be repeated over and over are, "See a doctor! See a doctor!"

I needed inpatient detox to quit alcohol and would recommend it to anyone having any trouble quitting drugs and alcohol.

wackybunny

I've found SR very useful. I don't know if I could have quit my doc without it. There is a ton of good support here and it's worth giving it a try. Welcome!

huntingtontx

It is not easy, but it can be done. Reach out for support. Learn all you can, read all you can and listen to the advice. One day at a time, stay strong. Your desire to quit has to quit has to be stronger then your desire to drink or drug. I believe anyone that wants it bad enough can have it, but you have to work. It is not easy. The support here in SR is amazing.

Dee74

Sometimes we need to listen to our gut - something made you find us register and post

Noone does - at the start - but we learn day by day, just like anything else we learn

If forever is to ridiculous a concept to get your head around right now, just committing to staying sober a day at a time works too.

D

Kabukicho

I see a prescribing doctor and a therapist.

I have not admitted to my alcohol abuse, however. I am very afraid of being stigmatized / labeled and subsequently being refused benzo prescriptions (which would be intolerable).

Thank you all for your support and advice. It means more than you know...

Kabukicho

I am almost crying. Your enthusiasm and optimism are incredibly inspiring.

I hope you all stay well. Thank you.

airwick

Kabukicho: My X is hooked on Xanax and alcohol.. I will offer you support and understanding but I WILL NOT give you compassion. I have seen and have delt with
the deadly combination for far too long. It destroyed the relationship between father and son, husband and wife (of 13 strong years I might add) It slowly destroys . I've seen loss of memory, loss of bodily functions, loss of reality, emotional and physically gone. I am now left without the man I SO LOVED.

Why should I offer compassion? The person I fell in love with is gone emotionally and mentally.

In the forums, we all offer support. I don't believe we want to enable. Speaking for myself, I just want to let people know it's o.k Life is what you make of it.

Joe Nerv

I don't think I ever heard anyone here say its easy to kick the bottle. Pretty much veryone here knows it's quite the opposite. Yet many have succeeded despite how impossible it once seemed. A few of the keys for me were desire (desperation would be more accurate), an open mind, some honesty with myself, and a whole lot of willingness. I needed a detox, rehab, AA, outpatient therapy, the 12 steps, and about 1000 other things I learned in AA. While this forum may have been helpful when I first got sober (I got sober before the internet), I'm quite certain it alone would have never done the trick. I needed a complete and total reworking of my being... Physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. I got that all through the things mentioned above, and never regretted a second of my time spent doing any of what I did to learn to live a happy sober life. I am free of any dependencies, and that didn't happen easily, nor overnight. Getting and staying sober isn't easy. But it's totally doable, if you want to do it badly enough.

Welcome to SR. Wishing you the best.

Upward2Enlightenment

The best thing to do is be honest with the doctor and therapist, they are there to help you and have probably seen it before. They can help you work out a plan to treat your anxiety and depression while you detox. Inpatient detox might be a wise choice.

Rar

I was (am) terrified about being without my Xanax. I have been on Xanax for maybe 15 years. I am prescribed (4) .5 mg/day. I limit myself to only one tablet a night. Rarely I take another 1/2 tablet during the day. Anyway, yesterday I told my doctor that I used to take the Xanax with the alcohol. Fortunately he didn't take it away. My point is that maybe under a doctor's supervision, you will be able to keep the dose you need to manage your symptoms.

jaynie04

It is not easy. We will ALL tell you that. If you look at the stats on recovery they are pretty dismal. Just by the fact that you are here means you are in the slim percentage that even seek help.

The truth is that any control over addictive substances if you are an addict is fleeting. Things will get worse if you are an addict and keep using.

I didn't really understand how toxic the combination I was playing with was. There are a lot of celebs that have taken the same mix, and never woken up, those are the ones we hear about, most we do not.

Everytime I was drugging and drinking I was rolling the dice. The first night in rehab, very far from home, I saw people who had lost everything.

I didn't have to go, I just knew that something had to change. I picked someplace that looked nice and had good reviews, you know, the kind you see in movies. But when those doors slammed shut, I realized for the first time what my cavalier attitude towards what I was putting into my body had done to me. I was in with people who had been given everything, yet here we all were shuffling around, standing in line to be given our meds in a paper cup. Here I was, someone who considered herself intelligent and successful getting a whole new vocabulary. All of a sudden words like lockdown, H, oxys, nodding, hep C, cirrhosis, ammonia levels, wet brain……..it was like being a freshman all over again. And not in a good way.

The hard truth hit me then. As different as our substances and using habits were…I realized that once you enter this subculture we are pretty much all the same.

I had actually been pretty arrogant. I felt somewhat superior because I thought I knew what I was doing. I could drink guys under the table, pop a pill to manage a hangover, I thought I was pretty clever.

Each one of us gets to pick where we get off the ride to a certain extent. Go too far down and other forces may decide for you. The compassion and kindness you see here is because we understand that the hardest part of this is really looking at the truth. Addiction is a dangerous game, but it can be won. But it plays by very different rules than most things we have conquered. We can't muscle through it, or outwit it, many have died trying. If you are an addict things won't stay the same, they will either get worse, or you will seek help. Unfortunately alcoholism and addiction don't get cured. I have read things on other sites that have made me very grateful, I feel like I got off easy.

Kabukicho

In-patient detox is NOT an option. I am about to move to a large city and start my dream job at an advertising / translation agency. I will conquer this myself, even if it means sweating my face off and vomiting on my pillows for nights on end.

I cannot endure the (perceived) humiliation and guilt of an in-patient detox. Not yet.

Perhaps I have not hit rock bottom. Perhaps I am not desperate enough.

The benzos and alcohol are still working for me. They are still making me happy and functional. That is the issue.

Again, no offense meant. I appreciate all of your input and all of your kindness.

:-)