new, scared and need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
new, scared and need help
Hello members,
I'm new to this site as a member but have read many posts. I'm 39 and have had a drinking problem for twenty years. My wife just walked out the door, after another ugly abusive session from me. I've never hit a woman but am extremely abusive and threatening. I am scared to type this. I have been to about twenty AA meetings, my ego and self deception always lead me to think I'm better straight away and can handle another beer, bourbon or scotch. Anger is the underlying force that comes roaring out of me.
This has ruined several past relationships, seen me off to court after police intervention for threatening assault and road rage, ended many friendships and nearly destroyed the family I was born in to.
I have become a liar, been a thief and compromised my ethics and morals too many times to remember either to get my hands on a drink or after having another serious binge session.
I am becoming more self aware as the years pass and am aware now that I am not normal, I cant drink even 1 drink without the devil starting to scream at me, and when I see red, I am not scared I am angry. I have become a selfish and ugly man.
Those who have stood by me through all of this, all agree I am an alcoholic.
It's now day 2, my hands are shaking as a type. I don't drink everyday, maybe 2-3 times a week, but very heavily, with shocking hangovers racked with anxiety and guilt.
The real test for me will be in a few days when the devil has composed itself and wants another crack at the bottle and everyone around me.
I need help, this I know.
I would prefer to make sober recovery my healing ground rather than AA, as I feel safer here than in a room with faces in it.
My wife has given me a 28 day ultimatum, stay sober for 28 days as we will try again. I agreed and said if I cant do this, I will admit myself to a rehabilitation hospital.
I write this, for the first time, with absolute truth, but there is so much more I need to purge out of me before I can stand like a man without a drink in hand.
To anyone who is reading this, thank you.
I would seriously appreciate any support by any means over the next 28 days, and after that for the journey of remaining sober.
When I gain some strength and balance i will always be there for you too.
My late father always used to tell me "it's later than you think", and from this I know I need to act now!
Thank you.....
I'm new to this site as a member but have read many posts. I'm 39 and have had a drinking problem for twenty years. My wife just walked out the door, after another ugly abusive session from me. I've never hit a woman but am extremely abusive and threatening. I am scared to type this. I have been to about twenty AA meetings, my ego and self deception always lead me to think I'm better straight away and can handle another beer, bourbon or scotch. Anger is the underlying force that comes roaring out of me.
This has ruined several past relationships, seen me off to court after police intervention for threatening assault and road rage, ended many friendships and nearly destroyed the family I was born in to.
I have become a liar, been a thief and compromised my ethics and morals too many times to remember either to get my hands on a drink or after having another serious binge session.
I am becoming more self aware as the years pass and am aware now that I am not normal, I cant drink even 1 drink without the devil starting to scream at me, and when I see red, I am not scared I am angry. I have become a selfish and ugly man.
Those who have stood by me through all of this, all agree I am an alcoholic.
It's now day 2, my hands are shaking as a type. I don't drink everyday, maybe 2-3 times a week, but very heavily, with shocking hangovers racked with anxiety and guilt.
The real test for me will be in a few days when the devil has composed itself and wants another crack at the bottle and everyone around me.
I need help, this I know.
I would prefer to make sober recovery my healing ground rather than AA, as I feel safer here than in a room with faces in it.
My wife has given me a 28 day ultimatum, stay sober for 28 days as we will try again. I agreed and said if I cant do this, I will admit myself to a rehabilitation hospital.
I write this, for the first time, with absolute truth, but there is so much more I need to purge out of me before I can stand like a man without a drink in hand.
To anyone who is reading this, thank you.
I would seriously appreciate any support by any means over the next 28 days, and after that for the journey of remaining sober.
When I gain some strength and balance i will always be there for you too.
My late father always used to tell me "it's later than you think", and from this I know I need to act now!
Thank you.....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome Obosob 
You'll find a lot of support wisdom and understanding here.
Posting here regularly helped keep me accountable - and help remind me of how bad I was when the Voice started up again telling me I was not THAT bad...
I have to ask tho - what happens if you make it to 28 days...what then?
D
You'll find a lot of support wisdom and understanding here.
Posting here regularly helped keep me accountable - and help remind me of how bad I was when the Voice started up again telling me I was not THAT bad...
I have to ask tho - what happens if you make it to 28 days...what then?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
Again I'd view things as permanently Sober rather than an arbitrary time limit, alcohol has affected your life and so taking adequate steps to turn things around is the answer!!
We're here for you, welcome aboard!!
Again I'd view things as permanently Sober rather than an arbitrary time limit, alcohol has affected your life and so taking adequate steps to turn things around is the answer!!
We're here for you, welcome aboard!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Obosob,
Don't discount AA straight off. I would at least read the big book and try to understand the steps involved getting sober.
it sounds like you realize that your life has become unmanageable.
I wish you all the best on the road to recovery.
CaiHong
Don't discount AA straight off. I would at least read the big book and try to understand the steps involved getting sober.
it sounds like you realize that your life has become unmanageable.
I wish you all the best on the road to recovery.
CaiHong
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome! You've come to a very friendly and supportive site. I'm glad you joined the family.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. 28 days isn't really long enough to feel the benefits of living sober. Give yourself six months and see how much better you feel.
Come here if you are tempted and we'll try to talk you off the ledge.
You've come to a very friendly and supportive site. I'm glad you joined the family.I hope our support can help you get sober for good. 28 days isn't really long enough to feel the benefits of living sober. Give yourself six months and see how much better you feel.
Come here if you are tempted and we'll try to talk you off the ledge.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
One thing I have found out about getting sober is what I want is the problem. My best thinking almost destroyed everything I cared about and came close to killing me.
When I started doing things that people with long term sobriety told me to do things started to get better. I hated doing them but I was desperate enough to do them anyway.
When I started doing things that people with long term sobriety told me to do things started to get better. I hated doing them but I was desperate enough to do them anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Thank you to all of you, this has made me quite emotional as I sit at Mum's place on the computer. I am humbled by your response and extremely grateful!
28 days i am told is the time it takes to create and break a habit. But 28 days is far from the reality required, it just seems a manageable start.
Any advice or ideas are overly welcome. I come with sincere humility and am open to all suggestions.
Once again thank you!!!!
28 days i am told is the time it takes to create and break a habit. But 28 days is far from the reality required, it just seems a manageable start.
Any advice or ideas are overly welcome. I come with sincere humility and am open to all suggestions.
Once again thank you!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Welcome Obosob.
I hope and pray that in a year, I will read a post by you, sharing with a new comer, about how you used to be, and how happy you are that you found recovery, and SR
why not go to rehab now?
we are here for you.
I hope and pray that in a year, I will read a post by you, sharing with a new comer, about how you used to be, and how happy you are that you found recovery, and SR
why not go to rehab now?
we are here for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome,
I often say it's the motivation involved, rather than the program you choose, that will be the determining factor. And, you sound very honest about your situation and very motivated. I have used SR as my lifeline for many years and I hope that you will continue to read and post because we do understand how difficult this is.
I often say it's the motivation involved, rather than the program you choose, that will be the determining factor. And, you sound very honest about your situation and very motivated. I have used SR as my lifeline for many years and I hope that you will continue to read and post because we do understand how difficult this is.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
1 day at a time is the way to go!! . . . don't be worrying about tomorrow, next week or next month, only TODAY!
You just need to make to bedtime and you clock up 1 day, then tomorrow, you get another TODAY, break the days into 1 hr or 30min slots, what ever you need to!!
You just need to make to bedtime and you clock up 1 day, then tomorrow, you get another TODAY, break the days into 1 hr or 30min slots, what ever you need to!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Originally Posted by obosob 
Thank you to all of you, this has made me quite emotional as I sit at Mum's place on the computer. I am humbled by your response and extremely grateful!
28 days i am told is the time it takes to create and break a habit. But 28 days is far from the reality required, it just seems a manageable start.
Any advice or ideas are overly welcome. I come with sincere humility and am open to all suggestions.
Once again thank you!!!!
28 days i am told is the time it takes to create and break a habit. But 28 days is far from the reality required, it just seems a manageable start.
Any advice or ideas are overly welcome. I come with sincere humility and am open to all suggestions.
Once again thank you!!!!
It sounds like your drinking is causing you real problems - I think it's bigger than a habit, obosob?
D
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
You do not have to stay sober for 28 days. You have to stay sober today. Each day I wake up I ask my higher power that the obsession and compulsion to drink will be lifted from me today. At night I thank my higher power. So far it has worked well for me along with a bunch of AA Ameetings
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Welcome Obosob, anytime you feel the need just come by. We are all here to help each other. As others have said you need to look far beyond the 28 day mark, you should plan for a life time. Just do it one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
Good Luck & we're here for you whenevs, Ob.
The thing I've found very helpful about the rooms of AA is the end of isolation. When the devil has me alone, he does his best work. Sitting in a room full of people fighting the same demons has a bit of power to it. Even if I don't agree with everything they're saying, I know that we all got there because the bottle kicked us to the curb. Again.
Whichever path you take, stick with it...we're pulling for ya.
The thing I've found very helpful about the rooms of AA is the end of isolation. When the devil has me alone, he does his best work. Sitting in a room full of people fighting the same demons has a bit of power to it. Even if I don't agree with everything they're saying, I know that we all got there because the bottle kicked us to the curb. Again.
Whichever path you take, stick with it...we're pulling for ya.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Thank you all, and I hope also to be here in a year, with reflections of a soured past and the gift hope to new comers. I have read the big book and most of the AA literature. When I found a sponsor, he was gay and took far too much much of an interest in me. It became unmanageable and distressing. When I had passed out in my girlfriends car at the age of 19 I was attacked by a serial male rapist. I managed to fight him off but this has affected my ability to have an honest relationship with gay men....... Just one of many incidents alcohol has created in my life, and one which I know I need to overcome to heal the wounds......
Thanks again to all....
Thanks again to all....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Just passing through but wanted to stop and say hello and welcome.
You want to quit drinking you will find plenty of support here. There are alternative methods to AA (I myself used a technique called AVRT). Quit drinking the night I joined here half way into another drunken night.
Here is a link to some other recovery methods:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Here is a link to secular connections which you may find helpful:
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Best to you.
You want to quit drinking you will find plenty of support here. There are alternative methods to AA (I myself used a technique called AVRT). Quit drinking the night I joined here half way into another drunken night.
Here is a link to some other recovery methods:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Here is a link to secular connections which you may find helpful:
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Best to you.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Glad you are here Obosob....Be kind to yourself as you take one day at a time. I know from experience that beating yourself up & letting guilt & shame "weigh" on you does nothing but keep us trapped. Keep posting & reading here. I am sorry that you had that happen to you...there are many here who have had similar experiences & I'm sure will give you advice on how they came to deal with it without the alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 832
Welcome Obosob - as everyone is saying here, one day at a time. And actually, that applies to life in general. We all tend to overthink the future and what hasn't happened yet. Savor what is happening now, today, and make the best of today. When tomorrow arrives, it will be today again.
You will find lots of knowledge here that I hope you learn from and grow from. Anna made a valid point - motivation is important. You have to really want this.
Welcome, and best wishes to you!
You will find lots of knowledge here that I hope you learn from and grow from. Anna made a valid point - motivation is important. You have to really want this.
Welcome, and best wishes to you!
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