I could smell the beer!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I could smell the beer!
A SIL called to invite us to her husband's b-day party. 4 hrs away, but we'll be there that day for our son's college graduation.
All day birthday party, volleyball, beer, food. Beer said like it was an enticement, or maybe that's my interpretation. I could actually smell the beer! I've never been one to drink. I was always the designated driver. I could feel my anxiety, not at the alcohol itself, but at the environment. Not for RAH -- he can handle things as he wants to -- anxiety for myself. I'm guessing we won't be going simply for the fact that college graduations tend to be a full day thing anyway. Our son's party is at his house later in the day.
At a recent baby shower my SILs were talking about their kids, who'd been getting drunk lately and how bad, laughing as it's part of their "fun". I was ignoring it there and stayed away from those conversations. I haven't felt the anxiety like this for some time. There's been so many years of not saying how I feel, of feeling like the odd one out and that I'm wrong and not loved for who I am. I'm the appendage, I'm a good sport, I try to find things to do in order to be liked and accepted.
I'm going to focus on my own recovery, on our son's graduation, on getting time with my husband and much of our family. Whatever else happens, I will handle it at that time.
It's so weird though. I can still smell the beer.
All day birthday party, volleyball, beer, food. Beer said like it was an enticement, or maybe that's my interpretation. I could actually smell the beer! I've never been one to drink. I was always the designated driver. I could feel my anxiety, not at the alcohol itself, but at the environment. Not for RAH -- he can handle things as he wants to -- anxiety for myself. I'm guessing we won't be going simply for the fact that college graduations tend to be a full day thing anyway. Our son's party is at his house later in the day.
At a recent baby shower my SILs were talking about their kids, who'd been getting drunk lately and how bad, laughing as it's part of their "fun". I was ignoring it there and stayed away from those conversations. I haven't felt the anxiety like this for some time. There's been so many years of not saying how I feel, of feeling like the odd one out and that I'm wrong and not loved for who I am. I'm the appendage, I'm a good sport, I try to find things to do in order to be liked and accepted.
I'm going to focus on my own recovery, on our son's graduation, on getting time with my husband and much of our family. Whatever else happens, I will handle it at that time.
It's so weird though. I can still smell the beer.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
It's rainy here today. Went out in a nice light drizzle and brought in fresh split wood for the fire, dinner is cooking and now that smell of beer is gone. So weird how it lingered on.
I need to keep working on this and my anxiety is gone too:
The Power of One
God grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the one I can
And the wisdom to know -
That one is me.
And from Hammer -- "And the Wisdom to Keep My Mouth Shut."
Repeat until it's ingrained!
I need to keep working on this and my anxiety is gone too:
The Power of One
God grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the one I can
And the wisdom to know -
That one is me.
And from Hammer -- "And the Wisdom to Keep My Mouth Shut."
Repeat until it's ingrained!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I posted this on another thread and my thoughts came back to this one...
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Please don't lie to your kids. Kids are very adaptable and accepting. You can let them know he died from a disease, from alcoholism. It is a chronic, progressive disease that affects the brain and the body. That doesn't change that he loved them and you very much. The disease took him away and took his life.
IMO, that gives him a lot of respect. You can still talk about the good things.
It doesn't take long before kids grow up and then stories come out and lies are uncovered, or they may overhear things before that. Then what was the truth and what else were they lied to about? Having a firm base in reality and knowing they can trust you to be honest with them is very important. With him being your youngest child's father, it's very important for them to know the truth about this. That does NOT mean he was a bad person. Many very wonderful people suffer from this horrible disease. (((hugs)))
My husband's father was an alcoholic who died young. That didn't make him any less loved by anyone in the family. They still talk about him and it's always the good stories, yet it is never hidden that he had this disease that's also affected many of the kids and grandkids. The more we learn, the stronger our family will become.
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I need to live an honest, authentic life. To honor my husband's father, our children's grandfather who they never knew. To be able to talk about this, when it's appropriate or needed. That also honors our children and our extended family. When I ignore the drinking, when I get wrapped up in being the outcast, I'm not being authentic. Who I am is OKAY.
What are appropriate responses to others telling stories about being drunk?
---------------------------
Please don't lie to your kids. Kids are very adaptable and accepting. You can let them know he died from a disease, from alcoholism. It is a chronic, progressive disease that affects the brain and the body. That doesn't change that he loved them and you very much. The disease took him away and took his life.
IMO, that gives him a lot of respect. You can still talk about the good things.
It doesn't take long before kids grow up and then stories come out and lies are uncovered, or they may overhear things before that. Then what was the truth and what else were they lied to about? Having a firm base in reality and knowing they can trust you to be honest with them is very important. With him being your youngest child's father, it's very important for them to know the truth about this. That does NOT mean he was a bad person. Many very wonderful people suffer from this horrible disease. (((hugs)))
My husband's father was an alcoholic who died young. That didn't make him any less loved by anyone in the family. They still talk about him and it's always the good stories, yet it is never hidden that he had this disease that's also affected many of the kids and grandkids. The more we learn, the stronger our family will become.
---------------------------
I need to live an honest, authentic life. To honor my husband's father, our children's grandfather who they never knew. To be able to talk about this, when it's appropriate or needed. That also honors our children and our extended family. When I ignore the drinking, when I get wrapped up in being the outcast, I'm not being authentic. Who I am is OKAY.
What are appropriate responses to others telling stories about being drunk?
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