BigBobby

I had been sober for 9 months, had a 2 day spree last week but have now been sober for 7 days. I have had a sponsor for this 9 month and a spree.
We have not fallen out and he is not even aware I think that we may have a clash of values which might be affecting my steps.
Throughout life I have not been the sort of person to "show off", "be snobby" or "racist". OK since I sobered up I have decorated my new flat, got a new car, bought new clothes and have some savings behind me. However I am not the sot of person to boast about this and have just started giving myself a bit more self respect.
My sponsor has been sober 7 years and seems to take a different approach to life. He is very keen to show off his new telephone system in his 4x4; show me his video camera showing his in a Spa in Fiji; how he did route 66; he tells me how he is chair at his private members golf. He also cannot wait to show me his new house he might buy.
He owns his own business selling timer for decking, attics etc. He has rather "traditional, right wing views" about Asians who come into his shop and he says he thinks they fleece him. He also says how foreigners are taking other people's jobs.
As mentioned I am not one at all for showing off but if he thinks I might have something a bit better than him I don't think he likes it - my car has a lower mileage than his, I have a new brief case, I have a new shirt. I feel he is also jealous my parents have a Villa in Spain.
As for people's ethnic backgrounds, I could not care less, so long as they are respectful and polite.
Another guy in the meetings has offered to be my sponsor who is more like me: not boastful and not trying to be elitist. Just a general hard working guy, watching the football and humorous. I would like him to sponsor me but do not know what to say to my current sponsor. I do not have much confidence and think there might be tension.

least

It will be hard but try the direct approach:" I've found a sponsor I feel close to. I thank you for sponsoring me when you did." Shake hands and be firm. You are not obliged to stay with any particular sponsor. You can change if you want to.

BigBobby

Good point least, just keep it simple. If I get into a big long debate I think things will get heated!

BigBobby

Also I feel that material things in life are not important but happiness and contentment are. He seems down in the dumps half the time

PurpleKnight

At the end of the day it's your choice, there's no obligation or criteria to even have a sponsor, it's a mutual thing, so you gotta do what you feel is right!!

Anna

I also like the idea of keeping it simple and not feeling obligated to offer a long explanation. I'm glad you found someone you think you will like more.

coraltint

A good sponsor will understand if a sponsee wants to try working with someone else. You don't need to tell him any of your reasons other than that. If he takes offense or argues with you, you can take it as further confirmation he's not your guy.

Good Luck!

ToxicTonic

I asked this woman to sponsor me I didn't know very well. After four days of seeing her lifestyle I realized this woman did not have what I wanted. I tried to end it civilly and she got nasty and said some really hurtful things. I am so glad I got out when I did. It's really turned me off of sponsors.

Ruby2

Keep it simple and direct. I think that was great advice. I had a sponsor when I went in to rehab but she did a couple of things that I had a problem with and I didn't feel comfortable with her so I didn't get around to working steps. When she took me to detox she took a couple of dusting cloths off a hospital cart to keep which is stealing in my book. Dusting cloths or not. I kind of faded away and took a chicken way out and relapsed rather than remaining accountable. I think you have a good head on your shoulders for realizing this now.

I would also say that I've run into long timers who are like your sponsor and for me there is a big problem with the showing off possessions because it sort of smacks down the whole aspect "self seeking shall slip away". When I hear the part of the promises that says fear of economic insecurity will slip away I think it means that even if I don't have all the money I want I still have what I need, and that's okay. not look at me, look at me I am sober and my toys are bigger than your toys.

I have a new temporary sponsor who I like a lot. She may not be a permanent sponsor but she is there and I trust her. And trust is everything. Good luck.