I am 24 hours clean...
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
I am 24 hours clean...
Today I woke up still gone debating whether to take more or not or if I quit tomorrow or next week.. or when I finish the benzo...
Is never enough!
But amazingly I flushed away nearly 70 pills.
I was hard to throw the benzo... one fell on the floor and I nearly took it,
I was talking to a bl**** pill!
but I am not going into a psychiatric unit for rehab! no way!
So my friend is angry and threats! and not talking to me!
I quit how I want to...
is my recovery I do not work by threats!
I decided I do it alone!
I am so desperate I have gone to my second NA meeting
I was so resilience to go and worried that I would not fit there!
But I am ok there I just listen all sorts of people... all they have lost!
What really really frustrates me is I have it all!!!
I am so fortunate and I do not understand why I do it!!!
But I got the conclusion that I am an addict!
It does not matter what you have or you do not have!
I accept it now I am an addict and an alcoholic!
I can not keep the lid any-more.... is affecting my outside life!
I keep turning up late and stoned at work!
my parents are ill! and that strains me tones!!!
I think my dad has lost his marbles really screams constantly...
It has been a really stressful week.... ups downs... pills... stop or not stop...NA... Drug centre... I arrange to go into rehab... I am not going now......And the hardest I have thrown away my poison!!!
So I am taking the medication of the drug centre strictly and am going to NA.
and tomorrow I am going to a *****SPA big time in the sauna and the pools.
better than been lock up
Thank you for putting up with me!!!
Big Hug,
Aiko
Is never enough!
But amazingly I flushed away nearly 70 pills.
I was hard to throw the benzo... one fell on the floor and I nearly took it,
I was talking to a bl**** pill!
but I am not going into a psychiatric unit for rehab! no way!
So my friend is angry and threats! and not talking to me!
I quit how I want to...
is my recovery I do not work by threats!
I decided I do it alone!
I am so desperate I have gone to my second NA meeting
I was so resilience to go and worried that I would not fit there!
But I am ok there I just listen all sorts of people... all they have lost!
What really really frustrates me is I have it all!!!
I am so fortunate and I do not understand why I do it!!!
But I got the conclusion that I am an addict!
It does not matter what you have or you do not have!
I accept it now I am an addict and an alcoholic!
I can not keep the lid any-more.... is affecting my outside life!
I keep turning up late and stoned at work!
my parents are ill! and that strains me tones!!!
I think my dad has lost his marbles really screams constantly...
It has been a really stressful week.... ups downs... pills... stop or not stop...NA... Drug centre... I arrange to go into rehab... I am not going now......And the hardest I have thrown away my poison!!!
So I am taking the medication of the drug centre strictly and am going to NA.
and tomorrow I am going to a *****SPA big time in the sauna and the pools.
better than been lock up
Thank you for putting up with me!!!
Big Hug,
Aiko
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Good for you, go the route that you truly believe will work for you. If it doesn't just don't give up and try again. We believe in you.
Why is your friend mad, because you are not going to rehab or because you flushed the pills? I was an oxy addict, well am a recovering, and if I flushed a bunch of pills I know a couple people who call themselves my friends would be mad at me. I know they are not my friend though, they just want to try and use me. Jokes on them.
Why is your friend mad, because you are not going to rehab or because you flushed the pills? I was an oxy addict, well am a recovering, and if I flushed a bunch of pills I know a couple people who call themselves my friends would be mad at me. I know they are not my friend though, they just want to try and use me. Jokes on them.
AlmA
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
He is mad cos I do not want to go into rehab!
and he threats to tell my family!
He does not want to support me when I need the most!!!
I am running out of clean friends,...
they do not understand!
I told him I flushed it and he actually gets angry with me!!!????
He has no Idea how hard it is!
No one understands when you have no control and you try to keep away
and you fall and you get up,...
support is what I need not shouts...
If I stop and I am going to NA do not get angry God...
I just have a really hard week ahead of me... on holiday and keeping clean!
God help me by tomorrow I know I will be crawling for it!!!
But I will be swimming it out!!!
and he threats to tell my family!
He does not want to support me when I need the most!!!
I am running out of clean friends,...
they do not understand!
I told him I flushed it and he actually gets angry with me!!!????
He has no Idea how hard it is!
No one understands when you have no control and you try to keep away
and you fall and you get up,...
support is what I need not shouts...
If I stop and I am going to NA do not get angry God...
I just have a really hard week ahead of me... on holiday and keeping clean!
God help me by tomorrow I know I will be crawling for it!!!
But I will be swimming it out!!!
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