Another Bump in the Road
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
Another Bump in the Road
I can hardly believe that I am still sober today. Yesterday was rough on me emotionally and then to end the night I watched my boyfriend drink whiskey and become increasingly unattractive to me when what I really needed was to have someone to talk to and be close to.
I know that the end is coming. I am not the same girl that I was when I met him and I want someone who isn’t going to love drinking more than they love me. I thought I could handle having a partner who drinks and maybe I can but this guy really loves drinking even by himself on a week night. I don’t think he was even drunk but I needed someone to be there for me emotionally and he just could not do it. Plus, he was all sweaty and reeked of alcohol.
What surprises me the most is that I didn’t give up my sobriety and join him to escape the pain and disappointment I was feeling. I really want my sobriety. I want the kind of life that I can only have if I am willing to accept life on life’s terms and deal with my feelings rather than trying to cover them up. Being sober isn’t something I am doing to prove to myself that I can anymore. It is a lifestyle choice and it is the most loving thing I can do for myself. Best of luck to everyone. I just wanted to share one of my challenges. I think AA would be good for me right now but it is so hard to build up the courage and motivation to go.
I know that the end is coming. I am not the same girl that I was when I met him and I want someone who isn’t going to love drinking more than they love me. I thought I could handle having a partner who drinks and maybe I can but this guy really loves drinking even by himself on a week night. I don’t think he was even drunk but I needed someone to be there for me emotionally and he just could not do it. Plus, he was all sweaty and reeked of alcohol.
What surprises me the most is that I didn’t give up my sobriety and join him to escape the pain and disappointment I was feeling. I really want my sobriety. I want the kind of life that I can only have if I am willing to accept life on life’s terms and deal with my feelings rather than trying to cover them up. Being sober isn’t something I am doing to prove to myself that I can anymore. It is a lifestyle choice and it is the most loving thing I can do for myself. Best of luck to everyone. I just wanted to share one of my challenges. I think AA would be good for me right now but it is so hard to build up the courage and motivation to go.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Wow, great post.
It's tough to go through a situation like yours. I've had to do it and put sobriety first.
I'm so glad I did. I'm no longer a drunk, well I am just not a practicing one. No one knows it any more,as everyone knew I was a drunk. I'm a new, different person.
I have to put that and God first and can't let anything get in the way.
Wish I had some great advice, but you have a solid stance on the matter. Give AA a call. I was terrified to go, but so glad I did.
Best to you and I hope your situation works out for you.
It's tough to go through a situation like yours. I've had to do it and put sobriety first.
I'm so glad I did. I'm no longer a drunk, well I am just not a practicing one. No one knows it any more,as everyone knew I was a drunk. I'm a new, different person.
I have to put that and God first and can't let anything get in the way.
Wish I had some great advice, but you have a solid stance on the matter. Give AA a call. I was terrified to go, but so glad I did.
Best to you and I hope your situation works out for you.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
What an EXCELLENT post! 
Courage and motivation to go meet and sit with a bunch of like minded people? You NEED this! Or, something like it of your choice. Your words moved me because they are from a person who is extremely motivated and happy to be sober! You deserve to live a good life.
Do yourself a favor and check out a meeting. I am willing to bet that when it's over you'll be asking yourself what took you so long
I think AA would be good for me right now but it is so hard to build up the courage and motivation to go.
Do yourself a favor and check out a meeting. I am willing to bet that when it's over you'll be asking yourself what took you so long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
Well, I made it to an AA meeting tonight. I was happy to see a variety of people in my age group and I plan to go back again next week.
The crappy thing is that I always seem to have a wall up when I go to a meeting or maybe just in general. I did share briefly but I waited until I was just on time to go in and I left immediately afterwards. It bothers me that I am not as friendly as I want to be. I guess I shouldn’t be beating myself up for this right now, the point is that I took a positive step forward and went.
Maybe next week I can set a goal to stay afterwards and talk to someone. I really just feel like I need to hook up with a sober community in real life if I am going to continue to be successful for the next several decades (god willing).
I was terrified to go in, I was afraid to admit that I belong there, and I was scared to share about myself and the topic (pain and anger) but I did and that is something to be proud of.
I want so badly to make some sober friends and be able to go out and have fun sober. I also would like to have people to talk to about how I am feeling and how I need to find healthier ways to cope with my emotions than getting drunk. I want to make this a part of my regular routine, I have been using the tools and literature on my own for a long time now.
Thank you for the encouragement everyone. I am going to work on dropping my perfectionism and just accepting myself as good enough. I need to open up and be with people who understand where I am coming from. I am so grateful for SR!
P.S. Next week I will be 8 months sober, maybe I will admit it during the meeting and get a chip!
The crappy thing is that I always seem to have a wall up when I go to a meeting or maybe just in general. I did share briefly but I waited until I was just on time to go in and I left immediately afterwards. It bothers me that I am not as friendly as I want to be. I guess I shouldn’t be beating myself up for this right now, the point is that I took a positive step forward and went.
Maybe next week I can set a goal to stay afterwards and talk to someone. I really just feel like I need to hook up with a sober community in real life if I am going to continue to be successful for the next several decades (god willing).
I was terrified to go in, I was afraid to admit that I belong there, and I was scared to share about myself and the topic (pain and anger) but I did and that is something to be proud of.
I want so badly to make some sober friends and be able to go out and have fun sober. I also would like to have people to talk to about how I am feeling and how I need to find healthier ways to cope with my emotions than getting drunk. I want to make this a part of my regular routine, I have been using the tools and literature on my own for a long time now.
Thank you for the encouragement everyone. I am going to work on dropping my perfectionism and just accepting myself as good enough. I need to open up and be with people who understand where I am coming from. I am so grateful for SR!
P.S. Next week I will be 8 months sober, maybe I will admit it during the meeting and get a chip!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
We are proud of you too flying. You are doing great, keep it up. It will be good for you to make some friends there. Online is fine but it isn't the same as human contact. If you are uncomfortable maybe stay after next week and talk to one person then the following week stay after and talk to two. Next thing you know you know a group.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I am going to admit something that you may not believe but I am just like you flying, I get SO worked up when I meet new people in real life. It is almost paralyzing and I know I need to work on it but then it starts over again.
I was getting worked up typing this
I was getting worked up typing this
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