Dr. Jekyll, Madame Hyde
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Dr. Jekyll, Madame Hyde
Who even am I sometimes ?
Last night, I had to make a dreaded phone call to a dear friend who just got results from a PET scan. I knew what the outcome was.
I had to actually remove myself from my house, and go on a long walk to stop myself from drinking.
I hate drinking. I hate everything about it. I wouldn't even enjoy the chemical induced buzz because I would play it to the end.
And the end ain't pretty.
But I had to sit on my hands, pace, eat, drink tea, clean a closet, etc until the obsession - TOTAL OBSESSION - lifted. Which it eventually did.
Of course, this morning when I awoke (I did as I always still do even 7 months later) I have to remind myself that I didn't drink last night.
Then, the grand collective sigh of relief is heaved, and I lay there in total gratitude that I didn't self sabotage.
It almost brings me to tears when I realize I don't have a hangover. And my day won't be ruined.
Who am I kidding, my next FEW days.
It is beyond my comprehension how this disease works. Just when I think I've got it figured out, it throws another curve ball at me.
Cunning.
Baffling.
Powerful.
Indeed.
Last night, I had to make a dreaded phone call to a dear friend who just got results from a PET scan. I knew what the outcome was.
I had to actually remove myself from my house, and go on a long walk to stop myself from drinking.
I hate drinking. I hate everything about it. I wouldn't even enjoy the chemical induced buzz because I would play it to the end.
And the end ain't pretty.
But I had to sit on my hands, pace, eat, drink tea, clean a closet, etc until the obsession - TOTAL OBSESSION - lifted. Which it eventually did.
Of course, this morning when I awoke (I did as I always still do even 7 months later) I have to remind myself that I didn't drink last night.
Then, the grand collective sigh of relief is heaved, and I lay there in total gratitude that I didn't self sabotage.
It almost brings me to tears when I realize I don't have a hangover. And my day won't be ruined.
Who am I kidding, my next FEW days.
It is beyond my comprehension how this disease works. Just when I think I've got it figured out, it throws another curve ball at me.
Cunning.
Baffling.
Powerful.
Indeed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hey AO, yes it's definitely very sneaky. I'm only 3 months sober so that's less than half time relative to yours, but am always amazed reading that people apparently don't have cravings and urges after just a couple weeks. I'm always trying to speculate in various ways, why me?! Usually just put it down to the extent of my alcohol abuse in the last few years before quitting. I read many of your stories, including how your alcoholic days were at your worst, and mine were very similar, so perhaps that has something to do with these crazy stubborn urges.
I also like to "walk away" mine...
Hope you are well otherwise.
I also like to "walk away" mine...
Hope you are well otherwise.
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