jaybe83

Just thought i'd post this ,i finally got a day sober under my belt .It's ******* hard excuses for the language but its so true .a few months ago i tryed going a whole week without by keeping track of each day on a calender .What a waste that was .Bad idea all you think about is getting to the end of each day clean just so you can mark it down on a calender .Let me tell you the anxiety created from that will drive the cleanest person to drink .
Lately i have been ,no lie non stop drinking every night when i get out of work i been drinking .I wake up and feel lousy because of lack of sleep i'm over weight because i drink these twisted tea's .The thing is ,is the anxiety and the boredom gets to me .So i cave into my cravings and have been drinking like a fish who's been out of water .It's bad i just don't even try anymore i half heartedly say to myself"this is it ,this is the day" i try and muster up some anger and frustration to motivate me to be determined to quit .Over the course of the day while at work i feel the guilt and what not.Then i come home do my usual routine then when it gets later on in the night i just start looking at that clock.
Packy's close at 11 around me so right around 10 my spidey sense (anxiety) starts acting up .I get weak i really do and then my thoughts of buying booze start kicking in.It's like i act like if i don't have it that night i'm missing something it feels like i missed out on something big . Then that voice inside me says "just tonight it's ok to drink,you can stop tomorrow ,think about your co workers what they do when they get home.They drink and it doesn't seem to bother them everything is fine .Your just making a big deal out of something small " It goes on like this till i just drive by the packy and before i know it my anxiety is gone .Then i'm up till 2 am drinking and i get lousy sleep then im in a bad mood the next day .
Anywayz,yesterday 4/25/14 i decided i was going to stay dry ,i took my laptop.I went to the local coffee shop ordered a small coffee and proceeded to just do some independant research on my laptop till about 10pm.Then i walked next door to the 7-11 and bought a snack because i ate dinner really early like around 230 .Then i just drove home i watched t.v and tryed not to look at the clock .Before i knew it it was after 11 i knew i had made it i was up late though .Whether i drink or not i still can't get to bed early my body physically will get tired much later on in the night .I'm 31 years old and i'm 5'5 and im like 180.Deep down i'm tired of it i'm not the type of drinker where i need booze to get me through the day .
Its just at night when sitting in front of the t.v things are more enjoyable with that drink.Anyways YAY for me i was able to keep it together for a day just thought i'd share

justinJustQuit

Congrats on day one. It's the hardest one for me.

RevivingOphelia

That's fantastic that you made it one day…keep going. We're here for you!

mesmith2

@jaybe83, I think I could have written that post myself! I have been a daily drinker for years and it progressively has gotten worse. So often I wake up with such conviction to not drink any more, but by 5 pm, I'm making a trip to the liquor store. "I'll start tomorrow." For the past year, I could tell that my daily pint was taking a toll on me. I went to the doctor and found out that I have liver damage, hypertension, vitamins deficiencies, etc. I am basically poisoning myself. Does that info stop me, not necessarily! I've got an abnormal mind, and I think we alcoholics all do. Have you been to a doctor or counselor to bless you quitting cold turkey? Withdrawal can be dangerous. Please check out AA. It changed my life. The people in those rooms understand, don't judge and are great support. Try also reading "Living Sober". And keep busy! Congratulations on the first day:-)

jaybe83

@ mesmith..the withdrawals i have are mild to slightly moderate .I just feel anxiety a little bit more than normal .I noticed it has just been getting stronger not too the point where i i have really bad withdrawals .I think the reason why i feel lousy is that my lack of sleep has been doing it for me .I notice after i take a nap the next day i do feel better it hasn't gotten that bad for me .To be honest with you i've done AA and the thing with that is i sit there and i dont smoke ciggs or drink coffee.Two things those people do in spades it gives me more anxiety and urge to drink.I've done cold turkey back in 2012 for like 6 months .I lost like 15lbs i was healthy back to normal sleeping good all signs pointed to clear.Then i tripped up one night after a stressed out day of work i had some extra cash and swung by the local mexican place for dinner .4 margarita's later i was lit up like a christmas tree but way ofF the wagon.I have more a bad drinking habit than anything .Like i said i can quit it's just that the anxiety pushes me into caving into my impulses to drink.My mind is poisoned by it but its something that my body doesn't need all the time over the course of a day .My usually drink of choice is the twisted teas .i usually buy 3 24 ounce cans .Sometimes i get'em with a bag of chips sometimes or i will buy a 6 pack .

My thing is that i start thinking about it because im bored and instead of doing other things i'd rather sit down and drink .I even would try and force myself to go to bed early but for some reason couldn't .I'd always get this overwhelming feeling like i was missing out on something .

Dee74

Hi jaybe

What are you planning to do differently this time?

D

jaybe83

take things one day at a time and come on here more often .I really want dedicate myself to more healthy living.I for sure need to regain my will power and self discipline back if i want to move forward with my life .I plan on moving out of my small town for good by the end of the summer .I think just being here at home triggers some bad habits in me im going to move as far away from this place as possible .Start fresh somewhere else i need a fresh start somewhere new.im and aspiring actor whos put his acting on the back burner.No more will i be doing that