Ptsd
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Ptsd
How do you move on from it? I definitely think I have it and feel like I'm going crazy. Last night someone was walking around in the middle of the night and all I could think about is my XAB slamming my bedroom door open and punching me in.a fit of rage. Today felt like sobbing on my way home from work. I can't get the images out if my head. Him passed out in his own vomit, broken glass, his tears of despair and desperation (or was it manipulation?), looking at myself in the mirror after a fight begging for him to stop drinking.
I don't know if I should feel happy that he seems to be doing well and really trying. I don't know how to let go. How do you let go of the good memories? I mean there were some extremely difficult times and good ones too. It's all jumbled in my head. I can't wait until Monday when I can go to the DV center. I'm struggling. My job has been very stressful all week and I have to work overtime. All I want to do is hide in my bed. Yesterday I was so positive and today has been a tough day for no real reason. I literally have no $ for two weeks so being social and keeping busy isn't much of an option.
I don't know if I should feel happy that he seems to be doing well and really trying. I don't know how to let go. How do you let go of the good memories? I mean there were some extremely difficult times and good ones too. It's all jumbled in my head. I can't wait until Monday when I can go to the DV center. I'm struggling. My job has been very stressful all week and I have to work overtime. All I want to do is hide in my bed. Yesterday I was so positive and today has been a tough day for no real reason. I literally have no $ for two weeks so being social and keeping busy isn't much of an option.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 31
Hi Meggy,
I let go of the happy memories as there were far more bad ones than good ones. Perhaps you could start a journal, writing down a good memory and then a bad one. No doubt you will find that there are many many more bad ones than good.
It's normal to have good days and bad days. I might have a good morning and then everything turns really bad in the afternoon. Being on an emotional roller-coaster seems to be part of the process of leaving an alcoholic.
Have you got hobbies? I draw, journal, watch a movie, read or listen to music to try and block the bad feelings and to just relax. None of those cost much money if any.
You have done the right thing. You left. You are alive. You are free. Things will only get better. Do not lose hope. Take care of yourself.
I am no expert btw, I'm only at the 1 month mark of leaving my XABF.
I let go of the happy memories as there were far more bad ones than good ones. Perhaps you could start a journal, writing down a good memory and then a bad one. No doubt you will find that there are many many more bad ones than good.
It's normal to have good days and bad days. I might have a good morning and then everything turns really bad in the afternoon. Being on an emotional roller-coaster seems to be part of the process of leaving an alcoholic.
Have you got hobbies? I draw, journal, watch a movie, read or listen to music to try and block the bad feelings and to just relax. None of those cost much money if any.
You have done the right thing. You left. You are alive. You are free. Things will only get better. Do not lose hope. Take care of yourself.
I am no expert btw, I'm only at the 1 month mark of leaving my XABF.
Last edited by MissBeth; 04-25-2014 at 10:04 PM. Reason: Last sentence.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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I got professional help through the Army (different kind of PTSD, but the symptoms are the same). I went to Combat Stress and they gave me meds first (lexapro, if anyone is interested), then did one on one therapy with an Air Force doc. The treatment was called "exposure therapy", where you do a guided recollection of the traumatic events over a period of weeks.
The way it was explained to me is that traumatic memories are shattered by the brain, like broken glass, and those fragments are stored in different areas and when something stimulates one of those memory fragments it can trigger flashbacks because the brain is trying to reassemble that memory.
The point of this kind of therapy is to reassemble those memories so that they are stored in the memory center of the brain and not in random locations.
I know that each time I did the guided recollection I remembered a little more of the events, so my memory is more complete. The flashbacks and nightmares are less frequent, only a few times a year. I am able to manage them when they happen, because I recognize what is happening. Deep breathing and journaling help with this process.
PTSD sucks, but it doesn't have to control your life.
The way it was explained to me is that traumatic memories are shattered by the brain, like broken glass, and those fragments are stored in different areas and when something stimulates one of those memory fragments it can trigger flashbacks because the brain is trying to reassemble that memory.
The point of this kind of therapy is to reassemble those memories so that they are stored in the memory center of the brain and not in random locations.
I know that each time I did the guided recollection I remembered a little more of the events, so my memory is more complete. The flashbacks and nightmares are less frequent, only a few times a year. I am able to manage them when they happen, because I recognize what is happening. Deep breathing and journaling help with this process.
PTSD sucks, but it doesn't have to control your life.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
((((( hugs )))))))
I think you should keep doing what you are doing. Surround yourself with support.
Do you have a therapist, or will the DV center be the first time you seek help for this issue?
I think you should keep doing what you are doing. Surround yourself with support.
Do you have a therapist, or will the DV center be the first time you seek help for this issue?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I think you have to be gentle with yourself and understanding that its a process. It takes time. These things that happened were horrific. When the thoughts become overwhelming take a walk - put on some earbuds and listen to happy music, drown out the visions and negativity.
And knowing that you can and will move bend it always helps. You must believe that. Keep looking forward to your meeting Monday - that's is something great that you are doing for yourself.
And knowing that you can and will move bend it always helps. You must believe that. Keep looking forward to your meeting Monday - that's is something great that you are doing for yourself.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hi meggy, you have a counselling session coming up soon I think? No doubt you aren't the only survivor of DV to have these flashbacks, so I'm sure they'll have come up with methods to cope with it. I had treatment for PTSD, involving eye movements, and it worked.
I've found making a conscious decision to control my thoughts helps a lot; I know it's not easy, but when you do catch yourself with negative thoughts try to change them. They'll come back; you change them again.
As time passes the good days will become more frequent and the bad days rare. Keep working at it; it will pay off in the end.
I've found making a conscious decision to control my thoughts helps a lot; I know it's not easy, but when you do catch yourself with negative thoughts try to change them. They'll come back; you change them again.
As time passes the good days will become more frequent and the bad days rare. Keep working at it; it will pay off in the end.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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One thing I had to remember, to re-learn, is that I didn't *need* to feel any particular way. How I felt is how I felt. Learning to name those feelings and sitting long enough to figure out why those feelings were bubbling up at that time took a while.
When I was in the middle of a flashback or anxiety attack, it helped to tell myself that it wasn't happening *now*. I am safe. Breathe long deep breaths. The breathing actually took a very conscious effort, because my breathing would be very quick and shallow.
Not only will a counsellor be able to give you techniques to use, but the DV shelter and support groups can tell you things that worked, too.
When I was in the middle of a flashback or anxiety attack, it helped to tell myself that it wasn't happening *now*. I am safe. Breathe long deep breaths. The breathing actually took a very conscious effort, because my breathing would be very quick and shallow.
Not only will a counsellor be able to give you techniques to use, but the DV shelter and support groups can tell you things that worked, too.
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